Getting Bigger

Getting bigger makes things more efficient. Getting bigger makes co-ordination and understanding a lot more difficult. As we have scaled production of very specific things, we have got incredibly efficient. Foxconn in Taiwan employs over 1.2million people and is probably involved in the manufacture of a large chunk of the electronics you own. Walmart flipped the way retailers sold food. Sam Walton focussed on smaller towns, and cut down profit margins believing that giving clients a good deal would deliver the scale that would make up the difference. He was right and the Walmart story is a powerful one. Things do change as you grow and systems become more complex. Walton was a hands on manager who learnt to fly so he could wander around America getting to know his customers and what they needed. Seth Godin makes a powerful case that 'small is the new big'.

One of the issues of getting bigger is the 'Postrel Problem' - we are not good at articulating much of our understanding. Often we know how to do something but not why we know how. We have tacit knowledge. If we try to articulate, we often get it wrong. We don't feel it is good enough to say, 'I don't actually know, but it seems to work'. Instead we throw out untested thoughts, normally very confidently, about our theories or rational. Although the definition can be different, I think it is useful to think of an 'interesting thought' as one that can be proved wrong. If that is not possible, the thought can be beautiful, but not interesting. That doesn't mean they aren't useful. We may still have to discover the way to frame the question in an interesting way. Our Elephants are actually very intelligent but they pick things up through patterns and repetition, making trial and error leaps of judgement. Our Riders are very rational but also rather self-conscious, insecure and unwilling to admit doubt. The Rider wants to believe they are in control, and so will attempt to explain things. The bigger an organisation gets, the bigger the gap from the understanding and the more insecure riders involved in the communication links.

One of the quandaries that come with growth as well is our ability to understand the 'big picture'. As soon as things get big, we need to specialise. The lack of broader understanding means that while we are doing well in our area, a coordination problem can exist. Globalisation has allowed us to grow the number of people we are exposed to. Communication and travel has allowed us to live further and further away. One of the challenges this poses is how to let people know the things they would have known through body language and presence when words escape. Sometimes it is hard to ask. When you live in a communal area, the uncle will see Mom and Dad need a break, and without words exchanged take the tyrannical, uber-Lord, tantrumming, titan, two year old for a few hours. When you live in a neighbourhood where people know each other, the teenager who has a few hours spare may (I did say may) help someone who is washing their car.

Perhaps Artificial Intelligence and electronics can help. We may know the questions that are tougher to ask, and ask them. If you sat down and said and were asked what chores you would be willing to do for a few friends and family (without them asking) and then we they logged on, they saw a willing source of support, perhaps they would jump at the offer. More broadly, a computer could co-ordinate known skills with willing users. The broader question is with all the gains scale has given us, how do we counter the loss of non-verbal communication and coordinate tacit knowledge?

Scary Time

We are scared of free time. When Keynes started to speak of progress leading to 3 hour work weeks, largely for those who felt like it, social psychologists started to panic about what people would do! See this article by the Economist on 'why is everyone so busy'. History has typically been about survival. Survival sharpens the mind and keeps you active, busy and alive. Survival keeps you alive, good one Trev.

We have a goal of retirement and we think, a little, about what to do in those golden years. There are dreams of fishing, or golf, or reading but typically most people never get to the point where they can comfortably retire. Sometimes this is a strong motivator that drives us to do work we would rather not be doing. My friend Megan has done some detailed work looking at retirement adequacy targets. I will need to find updated figures, but when I was working in the space in South Africa the figures were about 6% of people could afford to retire and about 1% of people could afford to retire and maintain their the standard of living. The figure thrown around is you need to be able to continue to generate around 75% of your pre-retirement income from your investments. Much of Meg's discussion is whether this figure actually needs to be higher. Most people never get there, and when they do they often have very little energy left or feel daunted.

My Father and his wife run 'Potential Unlimited' where they put together courses for people making the transition to retirement. They focus less on the financial side and more on the psychological journey. Retirement 'involves restructuring your time, changing your role, re-defining your social interactions and finding new goals, meaning and purpose in life. Many individuals approaching retirement experience increased anxiety about the nature of retirement and what to expect.'

I think their project is interesting. I also think that that type of thinking should maybe start when you are 6 rather than 60. Education is wrapped around how to generate an income. We don't actually spend much time at all on how to spend that income, and more importantly how to spend that time. Our answer has always been to spend our time surviving. A very small slither of the community has had to deal with the 'problem' of how to occupy themselves when at leisure. The irony discussed in the Economist article is that while 'work' used to be a dirty word for the financially free, many of the very wealthy are becoming more stressed. The job of Chief Executive Officer is usually rather unpleasant in many ways. A case of careful what you wish for.

We think very consciously about one side of the equation. How to generate income and how to generate a nest egg. My suspicion is that we need to give more thought to the other side of the equation, and perhaps escape from the direct financial terms. Instead of Income Replacement, perhaps we can think of time replacement and the perfect day. If your perfect day includes a good nights sleep, a walk in the park, visiting friends, a swim in the sea, an afternoon snooze, a little reading and a couple of hours doing something you love (dancing, painting, music) you may find you are a Cultural Billionaire. You may find getting better at using your time is an easier way to reduce the amount of money you need to do it. That is part of the aim of this blog. I have spent years focussing my attention on trying to understand money and how businesses work. Now I want to spend time thinking about time.

One way of spending time as a Cultural Billionaire

Food Literacy

I have found learning new languages incredibly difficult. I agree with Megan that part of why I have found it so incredibly difficult is because it has always been a choice. At various stages I have taken stabs at Afrikaans, Zulu, Xhosa, German, Italian and French. Languages are the most explicit case of where we don't have access to whole swathes of people and culture because of literacy obstacles. I think the same obstacles actually exist elsewhere. I recently wrote a guest post on a friends blog about 'Trying to Unsquiggle'. The world is full of information and flavours, but most of it is just squiggles. Whilst some see through the squiggles, most of us just ignore them and move on because we don't understand. Normally we don't have to. We haven't made a conscious choice about which bits of life will give us the most meaning and fulfilment because it requires an initial effort to unsquiggle. Unsquiggling is intimidating, and as Meg's post suggests, sometimes choice can be a bad thing leaving us less happy.

So I do think a balance has to be found between always looking for alternative choices and being content with what you have. One of the issues I have been chewing is not alternatives but whether I am conscious of the choices I have made, or the choices that have been made for me. This involves a degree of literacy. More specifically the one I have been thinking of recently is diet. Following on from 'Born to Run' in my Unogwaja Challenge process, I have been reading 'Eat & Run' by Scott Jurek. If you, like me, have been looking for a replacement hero to fill the Lance Armstrong void, Jurek may just be that man. He is ridiculously awesome. His book is a combo of a biography of his ultramarathon (>50 miles, often >100 miles) and a cook book. The book is also peppered with other books to read. Like Josh Waitzkin used his Chess Knowledge to conquer Martial Arts, Jurek left no stone unturned as he has refined his knowledge of the human body and its limits. Sometimes dipping into alternative choices isn't about switching. It is about unsquiggling enough truths to help you refine the path you are on. 

Jurek is arguably one of the most hardcore athletes to have ever lived. He is also a vegan. Part of the book also details his transition to a plant based diet. It wasn't immediate. He did it slowly and pinpoints various milestone meals where the emotional obstacles fell away not because he gave something up, but because he found something more epic. I eat meat for various reasons. One of them is that biltong tastes so awesome. Another is because of the cultural side of food and the memories triggered by certain meals. I also value highly not being fussy and fitting in to what company and hosts have prepared as easily as possible. I also enjoy variety. One of my favourite things to do is to say to a waitor - 'bring me the thing you think is the best. Don't ask me any questions, I am not fussy.' I have been philosophically convinced that Factory Farming is not something I feel comfortable with. I recently watched 'Food Inc' and that bought me a few meat free days. I am a 'conspiracy-skeptic'. I don't believe we can blame the machine for the choices we make with our dollars, time and votes. Ignorance isn't an excuse. Capitalism is a ruthless mirror. The captains may have studied our emotional responses and wants and fed the vices we 'don't' like, but we can't blame anyone but ourselves for the ugly picture that presents itself when we don't make conscious choices. Food Inc is an ugly mirror. But emotional kicks fade. Other emotional kicks come to. Comfort. Company. Selective Ignorance. Energy.

Changing diet is like learning a new language. There are so many foods that aren't even in my vocabulary. I don't know what they taste like. I don't know how to prepare them. I don't even know where to buy them. At the risk of sounding stupid, I don't even know how to choose them. When I shop, everything I buy is standardised. I don't have to choose. Like becoming literate so you can understand a language, literate so you can tell between wines, literate so you know good from bad music... part of changing my diet will require literacy. I suspect there is a world of untapped flavour that will make the choice less difficult. As Megan mentioned, a language can be easier to learn when you move to a place where it is spoken. You have no choice. I didn't struggle on my month long yoga courses. Going on courses, workshops or submerging yourself in a way of life is one thing. Real life is another. Ariella has made a successful transition as she described in her guest post. I am still on the fence.

With necessary apologies to the Rider-Elephant metaphor, and recognising the irony when describing trying to increase the plants in my diet, the only way to eat an elephant is one bite at a time. So my first step is to try learn who to make Scott Jurek's Vegetarian Chili. If it is as awesome as he suggests, then perhaps I can switch it for my Spaghetti Bolognaise and make one small step for Trevkind. 

Simon, the Mbira Player (by Bruce Du Bourg)

Guest Post: Bruce Du Bourg

Bruce and I became family when he married my sister-in-law Katherine's sister. Scattered around the world, I haven't got to see him that much but do receive his annual update letter which he and Caroline send to friends and family. Their daughter is the proud owner of one of the most infectious smiles ever to have graced the planet. He is a happy guy and has an interesting perspective on things. We both ended up up going down the financial and business route in our studies, overlapping a little in one of the courses. Bruce's guest post looks into and out of that world.

Cheesy grins from Bruce (left) and my brother Dave

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Simon, the Mbira Player 

by Bruce Du Bourg

A young man named Simon plays diligently on his mbira near the parking lot machine of an upmarket shopping centre in Northern Johannesburg. From what I can tell, he's quite skillful, as his fingers dance magically between the rigid wires to generate the musical notes that reverberate inside the belly of the instrument. To me, the only problem is that an mbira is about as musical as the sound made by a rusty tin cup that is being rattle against the bars of a cold prison cell gate. Somehow, Simon does not share the same opinion as me as he watches the numerous other shoppers that scuttle guiltily passed Simon's decidedly empty hat. Every day, Simon works tirelessly at trying to become the best mbira player in the district, while the only members of the public that seem to care are those that drop money into his hat as a donation of pity. While Simon may be incredibly talented, I fear that he may have chosen to play most of his golf from under the lip of fairway bunkers, setting up with leafy trees between him and the target, while his only club is an old fashioned gooseneck putter that his uncle used to chase away snakes.

Mbira Dzavadzimu

My point is that Simon is not likely to make any meaningful connection with his audience and may be better advised to use his straw hat to protect him from the sun's dangerous UV rays than to use it to invite falling money. If you chat to Simon, however, he will tell you that playing the mbira brings him endless joy. In addition, the art has been in his family for generations and he believes that it is his responsibility to carry the mantle to bring pride and honour to his name. A noble cause, indeed.

Surprisingly, this little discussion has very little to do with the plight of mbira players in the greater Johannesburg area, as concerning as the situation may be. Instead, I would like to draw attention to the less obvious parallels between Simon's situation and the challenges that we all face every day. Every time that we act or decide to act, we face the question that Simon should probably be contemplating. We can choose to do the thing that helps us to meet society's usually status and financially driven objectives or we can choose to do the thing that gives us meaning and contributes more fully to our life's overall purpose.

Although this sounds a little bit lofty and theoretical, I'd like to bring it down to a very practical scenario. To illustrate this thought, consider that when you are sitting at your coffee-stained desk in you not-quite-big-enough middle storey office, you have a choice. You can either go downstairs to offer a hug and a friendly ear to Philip, the debtors clerk, who is going through some difficult marital trouble, or you can ride up to the tenth floor to tell Marvin, the executive, how smashing he looks in his new mustard-coloured, fashion-defying, jaundice-alluding suit. I can imagine Marvin throwing back his daily dose of blood pressure medication as he thanks you for your compliment. Marvin doesn't identify the sickly falseness in your voice. To Marvin, your tone is very similar to that used by Trevor in accounts and Benson in human resources, when they stopped by earlier in the day to stake their claim on the next promotion. If your purpose in life is to make a difference to people's lives, do you really want to be the guy chatting to Marvin, just to add some superficial padding to your bank account, while Philip goes through the most difficult time of his life?

This is possibly not the rag to riches mbira story that your heart has been longing for, but Simon may have taught us the lesson that is in exact opposition with our original intuition. Our business school logic may have been running a number of possible multi-disciplinary alternatives to augment Simon's business model. He should first understand the needs of his customer before determining a strategy to address those needs. Maybe he should borrow his cousin Henry's violin and learn to produce a sound that is more pleasing to his prospective upmarket clientele. Better yet, he needs to realise that the music industry is only lucrative for the chosen few. Perhaps he should rather look into making beaded farmyard animals or setting up a suburban barbershop to help people like Marvin take away some the the attention from their borderline offensive fashion sense.

Or, maybe Simon needs to follow a less drastic approach by simply continuing on his current trajectory. In many years' time, when Simon looks back on his life, he will know that he has stayed true to his purpose, and that his actions have remained authentic to his dreams and values. If you're reading this from the comfort of the mustard-coloured suit that Marvin lobbed in your direction, perhaps you need to reflect on whether the chafing that you're feeling is only as a result of your suit's synthetic fibres. This little blog serves merely as a checkpoint to your overall goals in life. No judgement has been passed here, only a suggestion around the disappointment that a life centred around something superficial like money may hold in the final analysis. You may realise that boosting your bank balance does very little to enrich you, in light of the person that you really want to be. Make your own choices with the fullest level of awareness, but please don't look back at yourself in twenty years' time wondering why on earth you ever started playing the violin.

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In writing a blog about several topics in which I admit to being a complete beginner, I am going to have to rely heavily on the people I am writing for who cumulatively know most of what I am likely to learn already. I would love it if some of you found the time to write a guest post on the subject of happiness or learning. The framework I use for thinking about these things is what I call the '5 + 2 points' which includes proper (1) exercise, (2) breathing, (3) diet, (4) relaxation, (5) positive thinking & meditation, (+1) relationships, (+2) flow. Naturally if you would like to write about something that you think I have missed, I would love to include that too. If you are up to doing something more practical, it would be awesome if you did a 100 hour project and I am happy to do the writing based on our chats if that is how you roll. Email me at trevorjohnblack@gmail.com 

Rekindling

Sometimes the obstacle to happiness and learning is not that you don't know how to do something. It is that you used to. You have already been through the first 100 hours. For whatever reason life gets in the way and something that used to be a great source of fulfilment ceases to be. You need to get back to where you were. To get there though, you have to start again. Muscle memory is a wonderful thing. The first time I did the Midmar Mile in 1996, I knew how to swim but was absolutely shattered after a few lengths of the 50m pool when I started training for it. I realised I quite liked swimming and so joined the team in my last year of high school. Very much an outsider, but not being good at things has never stopped me from doing them if I enjoyed it. I didn't do a lot of swimming after school, but when I decided to do the race again in 2006 I was able to swim a mile fairly comfortably on the first day back in the pool.

Source: http://www.midmarmile.co.za/

I am sure a lot of this is mental. Real swimmers will also tell you that a mile isn't actually that far. My point is just that once you have done something, it can be easier to do it again even with a big gap. For other things, the big gap can be an obstacle. I know quite a few people who at some stage have given up a musical instrument. Some don't want to play again now because they can't play at the level they used to. When they were at school they had lots of time to practice, and they know that a certain level of physical fitness is required (strong fingers, calluses etc.). I would love to know whether music and swimming share a similar level of muscle memory. Can you reach a reasonable level again with less effort? Can you reach a level where you find flow? 

Widening the thought a little, childhood is a time when you got to experiment with lots of things. You can't do everything though, and so often you give something up to take up something new. One way to find hobbies or sources of flow is to think back to all the things you did and try remember which ones gave you the most joy? I would love to hear from some people who try to find 100 hours to commit to rekindling an early love. What obstacles are there to getting that back?

Play for Placebo

A Placebo is a scientifically ineffectual placeholder. It is used in Double-blind tests to check the facts behind a theory. Some people being 'exposed' to whatever the thing being tested is will get a placebo. They will think they are getting/doing/experiencing the thing, but in fact they aren't. It is called double blind since the experimenter doesn't know who is receiving the real deal and who isn't either. This is a way to strip out people's biases. The age old story of you will only see if you really believe can be true. You will see. The mind is incredibly powerful. Stories are incredibly powerful. It is hard to call what people are experiencing faking. I also think that if you insist on discarding everything that has been proven to be a placebo effect, i.e. it works simply because you want it to, you can miss out. Much like watching a movie, if you don't suspend your disbelief, you don't get to enjoy the story.

Benjamin Wallace tested 12 incredibly expensive things in an attempt to test whether you can buy happiness. It is a wonderful clip. It ends with the well known point that people really do enjoy expensive wines more, not necessarily because they are better, but because they are expensive. He doesn't say that everything that is expensive isn't really worth it. The two they have stuck with me from this clip is that it is worth spending a little extra on your bed. You spend a third of your life in it. It is also probably worth getting a Japanese toilet.

So what do you do? Do you not buy expensive wines even if you can afford them because you don't want to be a sucker? Do you buy cheaper wines and hypnotise yourself into thinking they are more expensive. You can't really make a deal with friends and family to occasionally lie to each other about the value of things since once the deal is made you will always be suspicious. Or will you? Perhaps you will forget the deal and allow the occasional lavish story to pass by undetected, because you want to believe it.

I think beyond a certain level of consumption, a lot of pleasure becomes about the story value. 'Three Studies of Lucian Freud' by Francis Bacon was sold in November 2013 for $142m. Here the price tag is largely for the way something makes someone feel. The word priceless springs to mind. Since if this is indeed a 'placebo effect' where some trickery and conspiracy can give the same feeling, then those without money but with a desire to control their mind could have a one person lottery ticket.

'Three Studies of Lucian Freud' by Francis Bacon

One of the reasons I don't like the statistics regarding income distribution as a point of equality is that I think they distract from what the people using them are actually most concerned about. If your aim is to have people having equal access to happiness, then absolute poverty and 'placebo free' consumption equality should be of far more concern. Then the artists, musicians, poets, writers, dancers and actors can add all the story value you want. Don't pay for placebo, play for placebo.

Unogwaja 2016 is On

I am not a runner. My family and I have a history of lower back issues. We have all dealt with it in our own ways, but I have been told that running is just nasty to the body. It seems like people who run regularly also get injured regularly. Nothing messes with my mojo quite like being injured. I become a lazy slob, start eating badly and basically wait for my body to heal before I start doing anything active. Not a great strategy since you start again from square minus one. Over the last 5 years, I have somewhat changed course by doing regular yoga and have slowly started undoing the damage. It is slow but effective and I enjoy the yoga classes. I don't have to motivate myself to go to yoga since I am not beating myself up as I exercise and I come out feeling incredible. As part of this new venture I am on I have been challenged to run a marathon. It is one of the less unusual challenges since long distance running is fairly popular. 

Part of my '100 hours idea' is that you need to be careful about defining who you are. I am not a runner. The truth is I do not know, I have not put the effort in to get to the other side where lots of people seem to get a great deal of pleasure. The pain angle puts me off though. A particular mythical marathon stands tall in the mind of every South African. I have always dreamed of running the Comrades Marathon. But I have healthy respect for this beast. As a kid living along the route, we used to wake up early. If the Dads were organised, there would be a skottel braai and the almost 89km would be full of people. The winners were awesome, but there was always a very long tail. The end of the Comrades is what made it magical. Broken people of all shapes and sizes helping each other, crossing the line arm in arm. You have 12 hours to finish. 12 hours of running. 12. Eish. I don't like the idea of destroying myself, but the Comrades seems a part of who I am. I have always felt like I would have to let the beast nibble at me once. So now that I have capacity to train properly, and a friend had suggested a (normal) marathon as one of my projects, I was primed. Enter crazy man, John McInroy.

Perfect running form includes a big smile

John used to play hockey for South Africa but is now involved in various exciting initiatives. After meeting him at a friend's wedding a few years back and a small incident with a rock (another story for another time), we clicked. At the end of the trip he handed me a pair of red socks to wear on Fridays (another story for another time). I kept my eye on what he was up to and one of these things is the Unogwaja challenge. In this apparent lapse of sanity, the participants cycle from Cape Town to the start of the Comrades (roughly 1600km) and then run the 89km race! Since I am not a runner, and I am not a cyclist - John challenged me to join him in 2016. He also suggested I read to book 'Born to Run'.

Basically this book says I am wrong. Quite the opposite of my belief that running destroys you, its central claim is that the reason we suffer from many of the niggles and diseases we suffer from is because we don't run. In a world where I believe sometimes you can't even trust the experts, I am wary of lavish claims that run counter to what I have experienced. It really seems like common sense that long distance running is in part pleasurable only because you are able to push yourself to places of extreme discomfort and survive. Top athletes don't stop hurting. They typically hurt even more. This books claim is that done right, we are designed to run. Our hairless skin lets us sweat, our upright stance lets us breathe, and our mind lets us strategise and self-control. It is an incredibly motivational book. I am really excited about the idea that I can do the Comrades, not as a once-off self-sacrificial homage to the comradery of South Africans, but as a real source of pleasure and fulfilment.

So I said Yes to John. Unogwaja 2016 is on.

Delight & Treats

Beyond death and taxes, I have come across two more certainties in life. 

The first is 'this too shall pass'. Whether you are happy (yay!), sad (aaahh!), proud (yay!), disappointed (aaahh!), excited (yay!), anxious (aah!) or fulfilled (yay!). For those who love Christmas day, savour it and the time you get to spend with friends and family. For those for whom it is a bit tough, tomorrow is Boxing Day. For me that means test match cricket. The season is short either way.

The second certainty is Beacon Turkish Delight from my Mom. I absolutely love the stuff, but only on Christmas and my Birthday... and truth be told, it has to come from my Mom. Little treats that happen every now and then. Like Hot Cross Buns and (again Beacon) Marshmallow Easter Eggs.

I hope you have a wonderful Christmas day. Eat, drink and be merry! ... or Sit, reflect and be grateful. Whatever choice of delight is your favourite.

Together, Forgive, Change, Listen

Yesterday I got to tell my 6 year old niece and 3 year old nephew the story of four great men.

Once upon a time there was a man named Albert Lutuli. He lived at a time when lots of people got treated very badly. They were all very worried about their own problems but didn't see that other people were having problems too. Albert and his friends were part of  a group that brought all the people who were being treated badly together so that they could try talk. He was a teacher but he became a politician to try help people sort out the way they were forced to live separately. He was given a prize for helping people solve problems without fighting.

The next man's name is a little funny like a ballet dress. He is Desmond Tutu. He always makes people laugh and is bursting with joy. He is very good at talking to people and helping them deal with tough times. He also fought against the people who were trying to stop people from living, working and playing together. He also did it by asking them questions that were hard to answer without them realising they were being silly. He also asks people hard questions when they are normally good because sometimes we don't know we are doing things that we shouldn't. He thinks we are all really goodies and can all be better and his laugh is always just around the corner for those who say sorry. He also won the prize.

The next two men got the prize together. The first one got called by two letters instead of a full name. He was known as F.W. and was in charge of the group of people that were being naughty. He started to speak to the fourth man, and realised that the country he loved needed to change. To stop being naughty, he had to do some important things. It wasn't easy and not all of his friends agreed with him. Some wanted to carry on being naughty. Even the goodies thought that maybe they couldn't trust him. With the help of the fourth man, he did help make South Africa better so that everybody could live and play together.

Sometimes we are lucky enough to get a very special person come and help us when we really need it. It had been a very long time of people being naughty. Lots of people had tried to get everyone to play together but it just wasn't working. One of those people was named Nelson Mandela, but people liked calling him Tata Madiba which is a name for a grandfather and a name that tells him how much people loved him. They loved him so much because he was put in a prison by the baddies for a very, very long time. 27 years. But when he came out, instead of being cross and telling everyone to fight, he tried to get everyone to work together. Fighting doesn't solve anything. Madiba would talk to all the baddies. He would listen to them properly so he could understand them. That was the only way they could become goodies.

There are still lots of people fighting, but if we come together like Lutuli, laugh & forgive like Tutu, change like F.W. and listen like Madiba, there are no problems we can't solve.

A statue of the four South African Nobel Peace Laureates 

Wait and Hope (by Aydn Parrott)

Guest Post: Aydn Parrot

Aydn and I went to the same school and lived in the same residence at university, but I haven't met him. We had these experiences about 14 years apart. The Westville Boys' High he went to is, I have to admit, a different place to the one I went to. The core of teachers who taught me are still there, but they and others have taken the school on in leaps and bounds creating a wonderful learning environment that makes me a proud old boy. Having met up with some of the guys who are currently in Smuts (the University of Cape Town residence) when they were in London was also an interesting look at 'shadow paths' as we compared experiences and shared stories. Some of the older Smutsmen were less impressed with my story of guys having connected the washing machine to the internet (the internet of things) so we could tell where the washing was in the cycle. They used to have theirs collected, washed and returned. Sometimes doing stuff yourself is progress. Aydn and I were both responsible for the mentorship programs at res, and I see a shared intensity in his post. Social Media does allow chats across generation without much difficulty. Since 'all advice is autobiographical', sharing that experience with someone on a new but similar path is an opportunity worth seizing. The great thing is how much we have to learn from the younger chaps too.

The George Pub at Smuts

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Wait and Hope
by Aydn Parrott

Kicking around on the surface, too afraid to hold our breath and go under.

As I write this UCT will be holding its annual set of year end graduations, schools have been closing for holidays all around South Africa and office parties have commenced. These events all signify the arrival of the festive season. Time for family, long vacations, matric rage, Ballito, Plett, Umhlanga (insert other exclusive beach town name here). However these events also usher in an event which, for many, has a dual purpose. That event is New Year. The dual purpose is one signified by the Roman God Janus (deity from which the month January originated). Janus had two faces, one facing the past and one facing the future. New Year's allows individuals to reflect on the past year and look to the year ahead. Cue big dreams, clever ideas and innovative diets. People start making new year's resolutions and we all know how those usually end, the same place they started.

Janus - The Two-face Roman Deity 

Source: Wikipedia

Having struggled with these resolution crises for many years I stumbled across an article which says that the reason people struggle to stay the course is because, although there are good intentions and a genuine desire to change, before changing your identity or image, one must first change the habits that make up that identity. This concept led me to examine a trait in myself common to many people. People often tackle issues in their lives by dealing with the results. This world of constant change and need for adaptation has left people clinging onto any and every form of certainty they can. Therefore many people are too afraid to examine themselves and their being at the core. People are too afraid to look inside themselves and try and understand what it is that they truly want, what truly would make them happy and what they are currently doing, thinking or saying that is preventing them from obtaining that. Instead people deal with the results of a problem whose cause remains very much the same and any attempt at change is temporary, an icing to cover up the bread that is preventing your cake from being a cake. So we create a cycle of being busy with change but never actually producing any change.

In my personal life I have decided to address this issue. I have decided to go "deep sea-diving" and explore the mass of the iceberg that is me. I have decided to look inwards and ask myself who I am, what I want and what matters most. Talking to everyone from parents, friends, my mentor and even UCT staff, the consensus seems to be that because I have not taken the time to examine myself and discover who I really am, I struggle to decide what I really want, where I want to go and how I will get there.

Edmond Dantes spent 14 odd years discovering his true self, examining what mattered most to him. Unjustly imprisoned at the Chateau D'if he had time, and himself. The culmination of the two produced The Count of Monte Cristo. Edmond Dantes had no distractions during his incarceration, nothing to keep him busy, only the Abbe Faria (a mentor??) someone to guide him to independence. I (thankfully) am not incarcerated. However I believe that as we enter University or the working world many of us enter our own Chateau D'if, our own journey of inward reflection. A journey that is painful, joyous and confusing. Regardless of which of these feelings dominate, as long as we embark on the journey we will get to the destination (not that that really matters).

So to all who read this, I encourage you, as we enter the New Year, to look inwards and explore who YOU are. Times will get difficult but I always find comfort in the following words from Alexandre Dumas' 'The Count of Monte Cristo'

"Live, then, and be happy, beloved children of my heart, and never forget, that until the day God will deign to reveal the future to man, all human wisdom is contained in these two words, 'Wait and Hope.'"

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In writing a blog about several topics in which I admit to being a complete beginner, I am going to have to rely heavily on the people I am writing for who cumulatively know most of what I am likely to learn already. I would love it if some of you found the time to write a guest post on the subject of happiness or learning. The framework I use for thinking about these things is what I call the '5 + 2 points' which includes proper (1) exercise, (2) breathing, (3) diet, (4) relaxation, (5) positive thinking & meditation, (+1) relationships, (+2) flow. Naturally if you would like to write about something that you think I have missed, I would love to include that too. If you are up to doing something more practical, it would be awesome if you did a 100 hour project and I am happy to do the writing based on our chats if that is how you roll. Email me at trevorjohnblack@gmail.com 

The Whole Story

Media has never been about telling the whole story. It has never been about giving an actual reflection of what is going on in people's lives. If an alien were to come down and try learn about us through news, literature,  film, dance, art and music, she would get the impression that our lives are full of adventure, triumph, trauma, hilarity and romance. Real life is more dull. There is a wonderful scene in the movie adaptation (see below) where Nic Cage's character is struggling to think how to convey the story of a life where nothing much happens. McKee's passionate monologue response puts him in his place, 'Don't waste my time'.

I thought 'Band of Brothers' did a fantastic job of showing even one of our most story-filled genres in a light which is probably close to reality. I count myself very lucky to live in a time of relative peace and not be fighting in a war, so have to use my imagination. Hanks & Spielberg show war as long periods of sheer boredom and nothingness interspersed with absolute panic, fear and intensity. Art and Storytelling combine the high(low)lights. They focus on the drama.

So when we bemoan social media as not a reflection of reality, I find it difficult to point at an alternate medium of communication which is. Even a phone call between two close friends is a condensed version carefully selecting highlights. Fantastic friends are the ones where you are able to just pop by and perhaps even do nothing together. Comfortable silences.

Social media does however give us the chance to shift the story without the need for a commercial sales point since all the friction has been removed. All it needs is a little fire to get it started and a little fear to be overcome. Inside us all is a story teller. We just believe it needs to be perfect. Even professional story tellers aren't perfect. I loved watching Carte Blanche growing up. It was fascinating seeing Derek Watts investigating various shenanigans. But it was only when attention was turned on industries I knew that I realised journalists are just very interested beginners, asking questions. Doctors say the same of medical TV series, and any lawyer attracted to the profession by 'LA Law', 'Damages' or 'Suits' will quickly realise that those time lapse sessions of reading through masses of books don't get fast forwarded in reality. As long as we allow space for people to correct and change things they say, and be critics of their own thoughts, then we can share stories that were previously hidden. It would be a sad world if the only stories we heard were those of people who were good at telling them.

Start a blog, participate in twitter conversations, add a few comments or send me a guest post at trevorjohnblack@gmail.com. Social Media is what we make of it.

Running Towards (by Brian Levings)

Guest Post: Brian Levings

I go way back with the Levings (and Moll) family. Far enough back to have embarrassing photos. Ruth and I were in the same class for several years until the boys and girls were cruelly separated as is South African custom. Good for the boys since Ruth used to destroy us in the classroom. Brian was with my brother and I got to know him well too. I caught up recently with both of them, after several years, at a braai for a mutual friend visiting the UK. Brian and Ruth are both teachers and relocated their family a few years back. Dan Gilbert, author of the wonderful book 'Stumbling on Happiness', talks about how we used to live where we were born, do what our parents did, and marry someone from the neighbourhood. These are key factors in happiness and present really difficult choices with expanding options. As Megan discussed - the curse of choice. One of the challenges to tough choices is being second guessed. Brian sat down and responded to a challenge from the braai friend (who happens to be our mutual mentor, Richard Erasmus) to talk about some of the things that are tough to be honest about. His outpouring is raw.

Brian is the one in the short shorts on the left... less a couple of decades.

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Running Towards
by Brian Levings

"Someone got stabbed... killed... did you say murdered!? Ha ha, and you moved half way across the world!" On so many levels, this kind of comment must be what I as a white South African male (I guess ex if you look at my passport) who uprooted my family find the hardest to take, the hardest to keep quiet about - it's been years and is a real personal struggle for me.

A while ago, our very reverend Richard Erasmus asked people on Facebook what they find most difficult to be honest about - for me, this is it - you know what, I left it all behind, I dragged my wife away from her loving and incredibly close family, we said goodbye to a church and friends that have shaped our lives, I gave up an incredible job with my kids schooling mapped out at independent schools until they were 18, a house I could only dream of and I emigrated - AND I'm happy I did. There you go, I said it. I made the right choice and I'm glad I did it. I don't want to step on anyone's toes but you see, I have to walk on eggshells around those people who are just too blinkered to realise that not all of us ridicule the country of our birth, not all of us moved away because we couldn't handle the heat - I've read so many of the 'we're really not interested in you bashing our lovely country, just enjoy your life in the miserable cold damp of the UK' articles because... how dare I have made the right choice. How dare I be happy and feel safe with my loved ones. How dare I feel comfortable for my wife to be out alone late at night. How dare I rate children's current education as one that is strong and rigorous - I'm meant to be miserable under the grey gloom of the English climate but I am not. As much as I love South Africa and  speak well and fondly of her, no matter how much I sometimes yearn for the relaxed and friendly nature that is a South African, for the knock on the door which says, I'm here and no, I didn't put it in the diary 3 months ago, but I'm coming in, I am happy. My wife is happy. My children are happy.

I'm not an idiot. I knew there was crime here. I knew that people died here, horrible deaths too. I knew that it rained here, a lot. I knew that I'd be tearing my wife from her family and friends. Something leaving the country does very quickly is show you your true friends. I think those who have done so know exactly what I mean. But what I didn't know was how my breath would be taken away when I walked to the edge of the cliffs of Malta, what it felt like to be surrounded by Mediterranean culture eating and singing on the cobbled streets of an historic castle in Spain. I didn't know what it was like to take the Northern line for 3 stops, jump on to the Circle line for another 3 and whatever you do, don't stand on the left side of the escalator. I didn't know what it was like to drive on the right side of the road, or how difficult it is to get a car into an Italian roundabout, the chaotic nature of des Champs-Élysées traffic or what it was like to fall off one of those stupid snow chairs half way up to the blue route - never managed a black! The warmth of the Irish culture, the blue eyed ladies (sorry love), the palm trees swaying on a sandy Caribbean beach while sipping on a brandy and coke in a jacuzzi draped with sheeting and all the frills was all a world I did not know. Or what it was like to smell the disgusting gasses of walking into a volcano of the St Lucian islands; I had no idea.

I do now and I'm better for it. I make no excuse for enjoying it. I make no apology - as much as you may love South Africa, please know this: I didn't run away from, I ran toward something else - I never wanted to offend you, I never wanted to be seen as your hostile now that I've left. I just want to be seen as someone who left a country they love and have awesome memories of, but also, a person who wants to experience more of life, more of the world, more of other cultures and I'm tired of being labelled 'one of those people'.

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In writing a blog about several topics in which I admit to being a complete beginner, I am going to have to rely heavily on the people I am writing for who cumulatively know most of what I am likely to learn already. I would love it if some of you found the time to write a guest post on the subject of happiness or learning. The framework I use for thinking about these things is what I call the '5 + 2 points' which includes proper (1) exercise, (2) breathing, (3) diet, (4) relaxation, (5) positive thinking & meditation, (+1) relationships, (+2) flow. Naturally if you would like to write about something that you think I have missed, I would love to include that too. If you are up to doing something more practical, it would be awesome if you did a 100 hour project and I am happy to do the writing based on our chats if that is how you roll. Email me at trevorjohnblack@gmail.com 

Choosing Happiness (by Debbie Ivins)

Guest Post: Debbie Ivins

I met Debbie at school. We haven't seen each other since then but through social media, I have been aware of her difficult journey. There are a few big ticket items which can seem like real obstacles to happiness. Debbie has struggled with one of the toughest and found a way to come back at it hard so that despite this heartache she is able to enjoy life and create meaning. She has chosen to be happy. She has also chosen to bravely share her struggles and approach so that within that others can gain strength from her. She is a champion.

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Choosing Happiness
by Debbie Ivins

I have been battling with infertility for many years and have tried all sorts of treatments and procedures. I felt like I had failed as a woman when I wasn't able to conceive,  and this was only highlighted when friends fell pregnant with ease and I was left wondering why something that came so naturally for them was impossible for me. I was completely focused on the one thing I couldn't have, a baby of my own and slowly lost sight of all the other blessings in my life. 'When, God, when?' was my frequent cry. I let excessive questioning and reasoning rob me of my peace and the desire to be a mother became more important that it should. It is easy to lose your joy and at the start of my journey I often let this happen and frequently fell prey to self-pity. Something as simple as a baby in a TV commercial, could leave me overwhelmed and ruin my entire evening.

Deciding to be happy, despite my circumstances, was more difficult but I am learning to enjoy my life, while waiting and remaining hopeful. I do my best to be a witness with my countenance, and live life to the full. Even though things haven't turned out like I hoped, I am taking what God has given me and making the most of it. I have made a decision to focus on what I can change, and leave the rest in God's hands. If I am only going to be happy when I fall pregnant or when I am holding my child in my arms, I may spend my whole lifetime waiting. Instead, I need to start embracing where I am right now. I like to always plan ahead, but another lesson I have learnt, is that God only give us grace for today, so I need to enjoy the present and stop spending all my energy worrying about the future.

Keeping a grateful attitude is important too and when we step outside ourselves and look around, it doesn't take long to realise how fortunate we are. Everything is never going to be perfect and there will always be obstacles to overcome, but we can do our part and trust God, knowing He is in control, and let Him work through us. Supernatural joy is released when we bless others, and it is important to do this, especially when you are still hurting. This infertility journey has been one of the hardest things I have ever had to deal with. There are pieces of the story I wish I never had to experience but they now play an important role in how God uses me to reach others. Trust God enough to embrace the pain you are dealing with and see what He does. He will use you to show His grace and restoration. Decide to be happy no matter what and enjoy each and every day. Remember, happiness is a decision, not a feeling.

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In writing a blog about several topics in which I admit to being a complete beginner, I am going to have to rely heavily on the people I am writing for who cumulatively know most of what I am likely to learn already. I would love it if some of you found the time to write a guest post on the subject of happiness or learning. The framework I use for thinking about these things is what I call the '5 + 2 points' which includes proper (1) exercise, (2) breathing, (3) diet, (4) relaxation, (5) positive thinking & meditation, (+1) relationships, (+2) flow. Naturally if you would like to write about something that you think I have missed, I would love to include that too. If you are up to doing something more practical, it would be awesome if you did a 100 hour project and I am happy to do the writing based on our chats if that is how you roll. Email me at trevorjohnblack@gmail.com 

Useful Prejudice

The thing with generalisations is that they are often useful. The world has a long way to go till we can't gather quite a lot of information about what a person is like from how they look, what they are wearing, what language they speak when they open their mouth, their accent, and their body language. Prejudice is normally a strength, because normally it is right. Right in the sense that it reflects the judge's view even once they know the facts. Then evidence and consequences overwhelms and the prejudice is changed... painfully. Magicians use the fact that we fill in the gaps to amaze us with things that seem impossible. They often seem impossible because they are. We saw something that didn't happen. We survive by creating stories quickly out of a few facts, and weaving them together to make sense of the world. This is a useful shortcut, but the downside is huge if we don't realise that it is just that - a shortcut.

Jonathan Haidt, author of one of my favourite books of all time, 'The Happiness Hypothesis', followed that up with another classic, 'The Righteous Mind' which is subtitled 'Why good people are divided by politics and religion'. The gist of this book is that people don't reason through things and come to their world view through logic. A lot of it is emotional and based on the story that weaves their society together. When too different groups clash, it isn't a case of breaking down the logic and proving who is correct. It is about get to the heart of each others stories.

I have always found my story rather awkward. I am a white, english-speaking, male, middle-class, university educated, professional. Considering I would also count myself as a capitalist if pushed (I don't like labels), if you added a few million bucks I would neatly fit into many peoples generalisation of evil. I actually think I am a pretty good chap. I am certainly not disadvantaged in any way though and if I stuff up, I have only myself to blame. I do find it a challenge though when engaging in discussions about how to unwind some of the disadvantages that have built up. In many cases I think it is better to just shut up and let the others, who are disadvantaged, take the lead in the fight. Part of me wishes though that the approach wasn't to emphasise the differences and take pride in the previously disadvantaged identity. Part of me wants a new story. Obviously because I think a more harmonious society where people get on is desirable but also so that I can be a part of it. Perhaps Brett is right in his guest post 'Learning & Unlearning' and you have to pay more than lip service and consciously and actively create that new story.

As a South African, I had targeted 2014 as a year when I would stop saying 'White' on forms which ask my race. With Apartheid ending in 1994, I figured 20 years was long enough to try and even the playing field. That was naive and the playing field isn't yet level. I get that some of these labels are still 'useful prejudices'. In good cases, the assumption that a group has been disadvantaged is useful and largely true so corrective action can be introduced. This still leaves me uncomfortable but I see the huge progress still required. We need to make generalisations less useful.

Hopefully, by giving people a bull quota, we can suspend our disbelief and get to the good stuff behind people's stories. We can create new stories. Perhaps one day we will start realising that superficial information doesn't carry much value, and we need to listen to the individual.

When I Grow Up (by Chen Wang)

Guest Post: Chen Wang

I met Chen at university when she was not much older than the sister who is asking for advice. Chen, Megan and I all started on our career paths together, so it is interesting reading her thoughts in combination with Megan's discussion on 'The Art of Non-Choosing' and a post I wrote on thinking a little differently about career planning in 'Whippersnappers and Turnips'. We devote the vast majority of our productive energy to our careers, leaving some space in the evenings when we are tired and weekends for us to recover. We grab a few weeks here and there to travel, relax or visit family. So clearly thinking what work you want to do is a rather important choice as a base for happiness. Alice is the smart, accomplished, successful big sister most girls and boys would love to have to turn to for thoughts. She is an Actuary and works as a consultant at Oliver Wyman. She also keeps a blog at 'From Tofu to Fish & Chips' describing her adventures as a traveller and foodie. Her is what big sis had to say to little sis...

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When I Grow Up

by Chen Wang

"What should I study?" my wide-eyed 17 year old sister asks me as she readies herself for her final year of school. I'm the natural person to come to for advice; after all, I'm her big sister, I should know. Instead of dispensing sage advice, it makes me think, 'Who are we really?' and 'What is our identity outside our professions?' When you meet someone, you ask: 'What do you do?', 'Where do you work?' and 'How long have you been there?'

I also belong to the masses that ascribe to middle class values of a good education and a professional career; but are we missing something? Do we care enough to learn about the individual behind the uniform or just enough to assess their position in society? 

No one would suggest that we have enough life experience at 17 to know who we are, so is there such a need to decide what you want to be - forever? Most people at 30 or 40 are still struggling with this; otherwise there would be no career changes or mid-life crises. I think it's unfair to define an individual by their vocation, and when we obtain that position, be it a doctor, lawyer or engineer, we extinguish the possibility of being anything else. Sure, you will have other roles to play, like being a sister, daughter or friend, but to the outside world your intellect will be framed by your professional achievements.

Nowadays there's also the constant pressure to 'Follow your Passion.' From Steve Jobs' speech at Stanford to books like 'The Passion Test', there's a constant pressure to find that one true calling you were born to follow; and if you don't know, you're not doing it right. I agree that we should do things we enjoy, and follow paths that make us happy. However, at a time when society tells us we can do anything and be anyone; no matter how much success we obtain, so much choice creates a sense of discomfort that maybe... there's something else... out there...

Instead of telling her what she should do, I want to tell her that it's ok not to know, most grown-ups haven't figured it out yet; and you don't need to be just one thing, increasingly people have numerous careers in their lives. Start by doing something you're good at, something you enjoy, and see where it takes you... but more importantly, explore different paths, find out who you are and then you'll know what you you want to be!

A pic from Chen's travels as she follows some of her own path discovering advice

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In writing a blog about several topics in which I admit to being a complete beginner, I am going to have to rely heavily on the people I am writing for who cumulatively know most of what I am likely to learn already. I would love it if some of you found the time to write a guest post on the subject of happiness or learning. The framework I use for thinking about these things is what I call the '5 + 2 points' which includes proper (1) exercise, (2) breathing, (3) diet, (4) relaxation, (5) positive thinking & meditation, (+1) relationships, (+2) flow. Naturally if you would like to write about something that you think I have missed, I would love to include that too. If you are up to doing something more practical, it would be awesome if you did a 100 hour project and I am happy to do the writing based on our chats if that is how you roll. Email me at trevorjohnblack@gmail.com