Llandudnoitus

It helps to live in a city like Joburg or London before you live somewhere like Cape Town. Or at least find a way to form some of the immediacy habits of busy (and productive) people before you dive into awesomeness. I lived in Cape Town for about four years before the arrival of my brother lead to a visit to Llandudno beach. He has never let me live that or the over sized nature of my head down. When you live in Cape Town, a trip to the other side of the mountain is a very long way. Speaking of the mountain. Have you climbed it? I would love to see stats of the answer to that question from people who live in Cape Town vs. people who visit it. I suspect for many natives of the mother city it is 'I will one day'.

There is something about rarity or limited opportunity that makes us act. As soon as things are plentiful we seem less able to value them in the same way. Perhaps our fear of missing out is the incentive that drives us when we just have one chance. A more positive way of thinking of it may be that we just lack the triggers? We can build triggers.

I am visiting a friend in Whangarei, New Zealand. Last night we visited some of the most beautiful beaches I have ever seen. My mate had come to the beach a few times but seemed as struck by Matapouri as I was, unsure why he didn't come more regularly. He does go to another beach every weekend so it is not quite my Llandudnoitus. It did remind me of what I call the 'Sitting on Memstone' dilemma. Memstone was a memorable place with incredible views on my university campus. Unless you were hungry and distracted. Then it was just a place you walked past on your way to meals.

Sometimes we need triggers of limited time or visits from friends to knock us into consciousness. We can do it ourselves by creating checklists. We value spontaneity though. Using checklists feels a little outsourcing our decision making.

But if it leads to more of the good stuff, perhaps admitting the need for a little help is worth it. Maybe simply writing a list of the things you would like to do and people you would like to see is enough. Write it each night and then throw it away. You are still the boss.

Matapouri Beach, New Zealand

Order v Spice

Two important motivators beyond money are a sense of control and of variety. The two fight each other a little since pleasant surprises are awesome but control prevents negative surprises. Outside of the work environment, many have a desire to just let things be. We don't want to apply the same 'productive rigour' we do in the office at home. I am certainly guilty of my personal admin being nowhere close to as in order as my work stuff. We don't want to do things like balanced scorecards, annual reviews, core values and team meetings since they start making life seem like a business. We separate business like conduct from personal conduct. One example of this is the way relationship building is approached from a business perspective. It is very helpful to keep a record of meetings to refer back to. The approach may be to make sure you speak to someone at least once a quarter, see them in person at least once a year, and ensure that you respond in a timely and considered fashion to their questions or issues. How many friends do you apply that to? Quite often I can end up not seeing a friend who is very important to me and then have to take a wander through my mind to figure out when the last time we saw each other was. At worst, I don't even know what is important to them any more.

Atul Gawande wrote a very interesting book called 'The Checklist Manifesto' where he looked at the impact of checklists on various professions including Nursing and Pilots. He believes that sometimes important things just get missed, not on purpose, but because of the way our minds work. Part of the strength of the human brain is the ability to fill in gaps and make jumps. This means our minds are comfortable with holes. Without a consciousness check, nurses may miss appropriate tests and pilots may think they have flicked a particular switch (partly because they have flicked that switch thousands of times and so the memory of having done it may be a memory from much further back). This has multiple applications. Investment analysts may have lists they work through to make sure they have covered the important bases in analysing a business. Teachers may have lists to check that they have looked for various progress milestones for their students.

When it comes to personal relationships, we seem to have an inbuilt resistance alarm that goes off immediately when thing seem too constructed or ordered. Even in the work environment, those lists seem an infringement on our authority over our choices. The temptation is to go with the flow. Important stuff can then get missed. Birthdays is the obvious example. Even just seeing or talking to friends is another. I think one of the issues that messes with happiness is that we end up not giving the attention we want to give to some things, not because they aren't important, but because we simply didn't think of it. When we remember, we berate ourselves. Martial Arts are well known for their routines. I have added a video of a little kid doing his first kata. Developing set movements helps ensure the bases are covered. I do the same in the style of yoga I practise and teach. There are 12 basic postures you work through to make sure nothing important is left out. As long as you don't cut out spice and surprise, making sure you make some time for everything that is important is vital. Use it or lose it.

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