Whose Milestone?

Part of how we are weighed and measured is how much income we make. The assumption being that salary (the price of our labour) is a useful direct form of comparison. Spending can be directly tied to income in a hand-to-mouth world. 

Spending becomes the conspicuous symbol of whether our life is a success or not. A long shopping list of age-measured milestones. “By this age, I need to have done this”, in order to be regarded as meeting expectations. 

It is often community-based. Financial planning can be a team sport. There is an entry ticket price attached to who you spend time with. If you are part of a community, you are measured by its standards. Even smack-in-the-face-obviously wealthy people may not feel wealthy because it is relative to their expectations, and they may feel like they are failing. You can be the 100th richest person in the world, comparing yourself to the 99 with more. 

Unless you can detach from that craziness, you are always going to be treading water. You are always going to feel like you are not in control.

Managing your own Milestones

Finding Others

Find others whose paths resonate with yours. There are lots of people who are generous and willing to talk about the challenges that they have had. Listen to their stories. They are not going to be the same as yours. They are going to be giving younger versions of themselves advice. No one can know your context as well as you. But the more stories you listen to, the more capable you are going to be in various new situations. The more able to avoid mistakes other people have made. That is where the real juice is. Where we learn the most. Through mistakes. Trial and error. Success is less interesting, because success just means there weren't strong enough obstacles in the way. But we don't know why. Admitting that we don't know why is important. Our learning is path dependent. We know what we know, because of the information that has come up on our path. There is too much complexity for anyone to wrap their head around. Particularly if you do it alone. 

Towards a Muse

Create cycles of learning. Repeated periods of trial and error where you act and then reflect. If in each of those cycles, there is a little bit of space building, that space will compound. It is not about predicting the future. It is about the ability to adapt, adjust, and accommodate futures.  Capital, skills, knowledge, relationships, and capacity. Your buffer becomes an engine, your engine becomes a muse. Your muse sets you free.

This form of success/freedom has nothing to do with anybody else. It is your story. It is your capacity to connect to other people. Rather than being weighed, measured, and judged, relative to them.

Hesiod and the Muse (1891)

Window Shopping

Relativity is one of the biggest obstacles to mental health. When we wish we were in the position of someone else, and judge ourselves through others. When you hear about good fortune of people you know, and it does not make you feel good. When you go visit friends or family in bigger houses, or when you go on holiday, and are constantly aware of the things you do not have. Window shopping into other lives. We only have a small peak. We never see the full picture. We cannot understand their full story. We only see the conspicuous. We do not see the trade-offs. We do not see the challenges. We glimpse a single angle snapshot of another life path.

Letting go of that idea is vital to be able to fully focus our energy on whatever our bits of the puzzle are. Whatever our choices are. Whatever our position is. That is not accepting your role in life. It is letting go of the idea that people are better or worse.

Through an Opening

The Darkness

The challenge we face with politics is that we want it. The most political people I know use phrases like “leave your ego at the door”, and ask “how do we get rid of the politics?” without a hint of irony. The darkness from lack of transparency protects our interests and vulnerabilities. We like positioning ourselves against other people, if we come out on top. We like the sense of superiority. We like getting better. We like progress. We like being incentivised. We like action. We like feeling like we are doing something right, and moving forward.

We create these hierarchies as a way of making sense of the world. As a way of feeling like we are moving. Feeling a sense of life. It is an easy option to measure the world. Money is like salt, fat, and sugar for the taste buds. It is not subtle flavouring.

Panning for Gold

My oldest brother used to love (as a Medical Student) asking, “What do you call a Medical Student who gets 50% for their final exam?”. The answer is Doctor. It is only in the classroom setting where the false laboratory conditions allow us to weigh and measure everybody. You can even ask university level questions for 2 marks to separate the first and second place 12-year olds who are getting everything “at their level” right. In the real world, meritocracy is limited by the fact that no one cares how clever you are. It is not about you. They want their problem solved. If there is an over supply of problem solvers, you do not have to pay them very much. As more people can read, write, think, create, and exchange ideas, it gets harder to pretend the barrier to wealth is merit. The barriers are not skills and knowledge. The barriers are the containers. Rather than survival of the fittest, it is survival of the most flexible. What is the container in which you make money? Why can’t others make money in that way? What if that container no longer existed?

Where You Are

Stilling the waves of money anxiety is not about having more. In the same way, competitive yoga makes no sense. Although, being people, we have created ways to weigh and measure people in conspicuous progress there too. You are as “advanced a yogi” on day one, as you will be after years of practice. The starting point, is always the same. Where you are. It is also the destination. You are already enough. Despite feelings of inadequacy and manufactured discontent. That realisation does not absolve you of action. It just means the key is not in comparison. Deal with the cards you are dealt. Money anxiety stills through the relationship between what comes in (however big) and what goes out (smaller than the in). Through building a buffer for the unexpected (however big) and an Engine of reserves to reduce your reduction to being a productive asset. Letting go of your judgement of yourself. Letting go of others judgement of you. Price is not value. Salary is not worth. You are not your job. Life is not a competition.

Holding the Flood

Money anxiety has the ability to flood our minds. This can be long-term stress where we don’t know how to overcome the barriers to the income required to fund the consumption dictated by our vision of what our lives should look like. The homes we want. The holidays. The entertainment. The fashion. The signals of conspicuous success. It can be stress about the trade-offs, even if we can over come those barriers. Habitual work for money consuming every morsel of energy we possess. It can also be short term anxiety. More immediate. Where the financial waves make our decisions as we hop from crisis to crisis. With brief gasps of air in between bills, or the rising damp of debt nibbling at our foundations. Before controlled movement, comes calm. Finding a path to stillness.

Holding the Flood

Competitive Wiring

I don’t want what I am supposed to want. I have a competitive wiring, so people who have known me in previous incarnations will have seen my crazy eye when I choose to go for it. Even when my skills, knowledge or ability aren’t 100% up to the task. We back the underdog over meritocracy, or we would be wired to roll over and play dead. A school buddy teases me about shouting, “we can still win this” at 78(ish)-0 playing Maritzburg College. We lost 111-0. But when I am the me I like, I try find ways to wiggle out of the nonsense. I don’t want to play in a world where we are constantly weighing and measuring each other. In a way that stops us seeing each other. Where the quality of our lives is determined through regular sortings and divisions. Where we cut each other loose like gangrenous limbs when we can’t reach common cause. I want more than that. Part of that comes from acceptance. I know. I am trying to work out what I can and what I can’t accept.

Competitive Wiring

Wary of Force

A lot of people work best under pressure. When they have to. When they are in a corner. I am the opposite. I don’t like myself in a corner under time pressure when I become very task orientated. When the goal is victory at all costs. There are two cornerstone biblical stories I don’t identify with at all. The first is the binding and sacrifice of Isaac by Abraham because “God wills it”. The ultimate loss of perspective and parking of a moral compass. When obedience trumps consequences. Pure play child abuse. The second is the story of Job. Where God and Satan have a bet of whether Satan can turn Job against God by making his life awful. The ultimate abuse of the gift of unconditional love. I avoid corners. I would rather internalise the discipline required and chip away every day than be forced into situations without time and space. The day before an exam, I want to be off to the movies to clear my head. If a client suddenly changes their requirements the evening before a meeting, I would rather be fresh than pull an all-nighter. Presence requires time and space. Be wary of forced actions and decisions.

"The Sacrifice of Isaac" Caravaggio

Fat Men Searching

Bob Dylan sings about fat men and thin men looking for dignity. Searching high, searching low. Have you seen dignity? It is one of my biggest quibbles with Adam Smith’s “The Wealth of Nations”. He chips away at the idea of wealth creation as a battle to the death, but doesn’t quite let go of the linear development of the age. There is still the idea of more is better. He just argues we can all have more. Against barriers. For mobility. But he also argues for a greater expense for supporting the dignity of the monarch in an opulent society. “As in point of dignity a monarch is more raised above his subjects“. One of the biggest obstacles to financial security, and even adequate climate responses, is “the lifestyles to which we are accustomed.” Tying dignity to conspicuous consumption. If you want to become financially secure, one of the most powerful tools is to become a Minimalism Geek. Get a copy of “Seneca – letters from a Stoic” and chew on the lessons on how to become immune to life’s setbacks. What people see without effort, is not who you are.

Wealth as Opulence

Louis XIV of France "The Sun King"

Reigned 1643 -1715

Weighed and Measured

Meritocracy, that cares who and how good you are, only applies to one of the three key elements of making money. Meritocracy applies to the skills and knowledge required to solve problems. Money is made with Capital that solves Problems in Containers. The Problems can change. The Problems should change, if you genuinely want to solve them. The Capital can be reallocated to new problems and reinvested. It can provide a cushion for when known accessible monetisable problems dry up, or change. The Container is the way the money gets paid and split up. Within the container you can pay for skills and knowledge. Those with strong containers may try find unconfident overachievers. People who are aware that they will get paid more for their skills and knowledge in the short term by working for the container owner. The container owner can even pay a tail, stretching their financial interests beyond their hand-to-mouth contributions. The container owner can step away. The container owner is no longer judged on merit. The container is. Within its bigger container, where the container is a legal person that gets weighed, measured, and paid for solving problems. Making money is not about you.

Beyond Contest

Meritocracy is supposed to be a push back on Hereditary Privilege. The idea of social mobility where you can still make a success of life and “climb” even if you are born into difficult circumstances, “if you deserve it”. Money and consumption as a measure of personal worth. One of the mistakes made during the European Colonial era was a pissing contest revolving around Civilising Missions. Different colonial pretenders trying to spread their world view faster as a superior form of civilisation. Simplifying our drive down to a road from savage to sage. Progress. Development. Upliftment. A linear step ladder. Assuming we know the goal. Meritocracy says it is still okay to divide people into groups of better and worse, as long as there is a path to move between them. We obviously want the people we care about, and ourselves, in the best container. Incentivising us to create more than just for ourselves. Barriers to entry and exit protect people from instant and true meritocracy. This constant weighing and measuring stops us from seeing. Money is made with Capital in Containers that solve Problems. But the good things in life aren’t problems, and personal worth isn’t measured.

Manneken Pis

Discovering Fire

A foundation of our superiority challenges is a core belief in Second Class Citizens. It is hard to separate out some of the complex problems around sexism, xenophobia, racism and classism from things we hold to be true. One of those is that we get taught preferences from a young age. We overhear stories about successful people and unsuccessful people. The voices of people we admire soak into the voices in our head. We question if we are good enough. Then we start seeing the strengths of others through this view. Engineers hire Engineers. Accountants hire Accountants. South Africans hire South Africans. Oxbridge graduates hire Oxbridge graduates. Even when we superficially break from these categories, seeing the strengths that don’t resonate is challenging. Wealth creation is a team sport. But if you have a God Complex thinking you are the source of value, and everyone else is there to support you, then clearly you are not going to see the strengths of mortals. Till they discover their fire and topple you.

Degrading Categories

I hate feeling incompetent. Almost as much as I hate the feeling of having gotten it wrong by someone. In a way that I can’t correct. Intellectually I get the idea of the importance of not caring what other people think. But I do care. And people, all people, have limits to their skills and knowledge. Money lets you hide it somewhat. You can pay people to do the things you can’t do. You can even convince yourself that that is because your time is worth more than theirs. That the thing you specialise in is more important than the thing they do. Particularly if it pays more. So, paying them to do the thing you can’t do is protecting your time. You can even convince yourself that you could do the thing they do, if you chose to. Underlying a lot of problematic prejudice is a fundamental belief in superiority. Dividing people into binary categories of “good enough” and “not good enough”. Second class citizens. Surrounding yourself with people you feel are good enough. Not doing the work to see the others. Underlying that is probably the internal voice telling you you aren’t good enough. The voice that is secretly aware of all the things you can’t do.

Elite Team

If you want to be part of an Elite Team, you first have to accept the idea that there are people that aren’t good enough. You have to accept the possibility that you aren’t good enough. That there is someone who deserves your spot more than you. If you push the idea of Meritocracy to its extreme, and believe in surrounding yourself with the best, you need to be consistent. You need to listen to that voice in your head that asks if you are good enough. The impostor syndrome that makes you feel inadequate. That means you have never reached the goal. Elite Teams aren’t about the individuals. They are about the Team. They require sharp knives. Personally, I don’t want to be part of an Elite Team. I don’t care if you think I am enough. I don’t find the question of whether you are enough interesting. What interests me is your incentives. Your passions. The way you create meaning. What interests me is the way you connect to others. What you do every day. That is enough.

Are you the best?

Finding Space

How do we wean ourselves off structural income dependence? Even most of the wealthy live hand-to-mouth in a fragile way. We don’t look at wealth by stress testing. We look at the surface. We live on the edge. Few people suddenly become all Zen when they reach a level of income or capital where they feel they have “Enough”. The incentives of bigger, better, more, provide more immediate gratification than the incentive of deep soaked security. We stretch. We push. We reach. Income Detachment starts with space between spending and income. It is hard to motivate for Buffer and Capital building. There is no shiny new thing on offer. A Buffer just removes the noise. An Emergency Fund of 3-6 months spending. A productive Engine should generate income over time, but spending more than 2-5% of it is likely to put it under pressure. You can go Cold Turkey and extract yourself from spending-based environments, but we are in this together. Wealth creation is a team sport. It is a long-term venture. Across generations. Embedded in culture and relationships. We have to value the ability to breathe, and gradually build our lung capacity.

Wiggle Room

You are not your job. Your income doesn’t determine your quality of life. Your success is not signaled by how much you consume. We are not cogs to fill specific and managed roles defined by a path we set out on as kids. You can love languages as an adult when you hated Afrikaans as a kid. You can discover a passion for Music late in life. Coding. Investing. Running. Whatever. You can unlearn. You can relearn. You can reflect on who you are, and who you want to be. Free Will exists. It’s just hard. Detaching from your circumstances starts with wiggle room. If you live hand-to-mouth then there is no breathing space for change. We have the most control over our mouths. Our consumption. If you can let go of signaling to others your place in society, you can gain control over your choices. Slowly. Over time. With work. Emergencies often make our choices for us. Build an Emergency Fund. Space between your hand and mouth. 3-6 months of spending requirements. Then look up. Look properly. And make a choice.

Space to Wiggle

Goals and Values

The most traditionally successful people I know are also the most pragmatic. The world tells you the answers if you are willing to accept them. It is people who are trying to change the rules (like me) who rage against the machine. The people who question traditional success. But if traditional success is your goal, don’t rage. Past Papers (know the answers the examiners are looking for), First Principles (know the tools), Practice, and Habit Building will let you pick off the menu. You start by finding out what is on the menu. What are your values? What is your goal? Whose life? Whose job? Then you find what skills and knowledge they needed. What was their path? Is that path open to you? If not, why not, and what can you do to change that? If you can’t change it or the cost of changing it is too high, what is open to you? Then you crack on and do what needs to be done. Just make 100% sure that is really what you want.

UCT Sports Hall - Exams as Sport

Holy Cow

Milk doesn’t come from the shops. It comes from Cows. Most of the products we now end up using are assembled from bits that come from all over the world. The words we use have danced off the tongues of hundreds of thousands of people as they criss-cross the globe. Sharing flavours. Bending structure. Breaking rules. What you see isn’t all there is. The problem with bowing down at the alter of the obvious, the conspicuous, and the evident, is it cuts us off from the stuff you can’t count. Quantitative Finance likes to boil decisions down to two numbers. Return and Risk. The problem is, you don’t actually get paid for taking risk. In the long run, you get paid for adding value. Value is a deeply complicated, often abstract, internal, personal, and relational story. It is important to regularly remind yourself where your milk comes from. To look for, and retain awareness of, the source.

A calf and a Sadhu