Doing my Thing

Joint decision-making is hard. Particularly in many cases where two careers paths full of stakes in the ground are in competition. One advantage of my flexibility post work was that I could happily choose based on other constraints. 

Gemma was going on a tour of libraries to study how they were changing. Two of those stops were Scandinavian countries, and the balance in North America. I tagged along! (and changed/added a couple of stops). She would go to the libraries by bus, train, or car to get there quickly. I would walk to intentionally get there slowly. 

Urban hiking is cost-effective (money-wise) when you have the luxury of time (a different form of wealth). It allows you to experience places in a very different way. I could still write my blog (swartdonkey.blogspot.com), but it would be flavoured by the experiences of wherever I was. 

Instead of the rush of a traditional holiday which can be very expensive, where you feel obliged to pack as much in as possible, I could breathe. I didn’t view it as a normal holiday. I was just doing my thing in a different location. I didn't need a holiday from this way of life! 

I liked sitting in coffee shops and reading about the places I was in. Letting that inspire my next post. Seeing how that connected to and influenced the path my thoughts were on. 

While I was in Vancouver, I went to have coffee with an old colleague I used to ponder with in work breaks. He described the world as complex, random, and ambiguous. That struck a lasting chord with me.

Walking the Bridge

Messy Thinking

I try write in my blog every day. I believe we are mostly a collection of habits. I want writing to become a habit. Making it a part of what I do automatically means I am not waiting for inspiration, I go looking for it.

I know this means that many of my blog posts don't make a lot of sense. They make sense to me! (As I press publish... not always afterwards) I do read through them as carefully as I can. 

The second job I had after working in product development, was as a Marketing Actuary. Trying to take technical ideas and put them into a communicable form. There is a big gap between the people who have the time to think through issues (because it is their job) and the people who are doing other things. The Curse of Knowledge - 'The better you know something, the less you remember how hard it was to learn'.

The only way to find out if an idea can still connect to people, is to engage. The problem is you can't wait till an idea is fully formed before you do that. A lot of people 'stay private till they plonk'. Then when they reach their 'Eureka!' moment, no one else has a clue what they are speaking about.

My thinking is messy. I often confuse myself, and a lot of what I say is nonsense. I have been in several discussions where I have said, 'Okay, I am not making a lot of sense. I am going to shut up now.'

Lost in Thought in the Long Grass

As important as the conclusion you reach, is the path you took to get there. We are good at simplifying that path in retrospect. 'Our story' seems clear in hindsight. I know for me, that is rubbish. Much of our knowledge is what Virginia Postrel calls (in The Future and its Enemies) Tacit Knowledge. We don't know why we know what we know.

This is one of the challenges of a Global v Local world. The further decisions get stretched from the places where the results are felt, the more Tacit Knowledge gets lost.

By writing every day, I am 'thinking in the open'. People who know me will be able to read between the lines. They will read between the lines in ways I don't understand. That is because even if I have shared an experience with someone, they would have seen things differently. That can only add to my understanding if I invite them into my thinking. If we think together.

So I apologise if I lose you. I may be lost too. In conversation or in reading what you write, I will try my hardest to tell you when you have lost me. Please do the same.

Velvet Problems

The truth is that it has been very easy for me to sit back an wax eloquent for the last two and a half years about how to try approach the good life. I hope I haven't been one of those annoying people who pretend they know the answer. I don't. I am very confused. Every time I think I 'see the matrix' and have figured things out, life giggles. I have the gift of the gab, and so can fit a story to any set of facts. Mostly I am just responding as best I can, often making mistakes, and often leaning on people to pick me back up. Tweaking my story to make the next step easier. I regularly find life difficult, but am acutely aware that I am incredibly lucky. My problems genuinely are velvet problems. That doesn't make them not problems. That's the crack in the matrix... problems never disappear. Coping is all we can do.

The Velvet Problems of the Red Pill

Our Own Cacophony

I have had several journals. One of the problems they caused when 'looking back' is that they weren't a reflection of my actual feelings or thoughts. I would sit down and write, normally when upset, and purge myself of whatever is going on in my head. The picture my journals painted was often a grotesque mutilation.

Like the Pixar film, 'Inside Out' - most of what goes on inside my head is a filter free discussion between various emotions and attempts to apply some logic and rationality. When I grabbed for a pen to take minutes of these crazy meetings, there was no way possible to grab everyone's thoughts. I only learnt to touch type a few years ago, so I was also constrained by how fast the thoughts could pass through my arm and fingers. Even now, when I type using a computer relatively quickly, I am not catching everything. I am paraphrasing. Like a minute taker where there is no recording and no witnesses. The journal becomes the sole record.

Journals are notorious for getting people into trouble when other people read them. Particularly if people are very close to you, it can be difficult to be honest or even know what honesty is. Tact and kindness are important filters of what gets said. We always need to think both of what is said, and how it will be heard. The relationship is far more important than the words that get used and words are not precision tools. Journals are an attempt to open those gates, and so should come with fat hazard warnings if being read by someone other than the writer. Honesty is time.

Three Gates of Speech

1. Is it true?

2. Is it helpful?

3. Is it kind?

This blog has effectively been a journal of thought for me. I sit down and write about something I am thinking, reading or chatting to friends about. It is a first draft. I have intentionally forced myself to write almost every day to build a habit of writing. It has also forced me to get over the 'is it good enough gate' which can prevent anything happening at all. Many thoughts are rubbish. Many ideas don't make sense. Often thoughts are disconnected, and the narrative exists in my head rather than on the paper. If the narrative exists at all.

What I do know is that I am not unique. Inside all our heads is this crazy place where we are trying to make sense of the world. We all have to take years and years to learn to be kind to ourselves because we have no choice but to listen to our own cacophony. To discard thoughts that try derail us. To let go of thoughts that over stay their welcome. We don't get to leave ourselves. There is no escape hatch unlike a world where we can choose to leave the neighbourhood we grew up in, the job we don't like, or the friends and family who form our community.

Alain de Botton talks in 'How Proust Can Change Your Life' about just how many drafts Proust went through to create his masterpieces. Editing. Cutting out. Rereading. Beauty lies somewhere between being brave enough to put thoughts out there when they are unformed, and being willing to be detached enough from what has been said to find the truth in amongst the noise that resonates. Our stories are alive because they change. We are our stories.

Meaningful Memory Hooks

I write a daily blog and study happiness and learning. The issues I am most passionate about are Global Citizenship, a Universal Basic Income and meaningful living. How do we empower and connect people? We shouldn't be held back by lotteries of birth and circumstance. I think a lot about how to build communities. I think a first step is creating meaningful 'memory hooks' so that when we hear about other places, they have an emotional connection. Otherwise we all melt into merely being facts and figures. The juice of life is in the story.

Jedi Mind Tricks

A friend of mine claims I spend 60% of my time mastering Jedi mind tricks to pressure people into writing for my blog. His delays are just fighting the power. Unfortunately, the force is not strong with me. I won't lie, I love it when I get people who are keen to write guest posts. 

My aim though is to find how I can help. By writing every day, I have developed a habit. I was always amazed by the professional writers I worked with. John could have a conversation with people and, an hour or two later, send out a draft ghost written article that I would have agonised over for weeks. An Unogwajan Marathon runner I met, Tiago, had run 400 marathons. To the point where he just gets up and goes for a run like I make a cup of tea. He isn't killing himself. He enjoys it and his body has adjusted. Tiago and John have a habit.

We are all motivated in very different ways. We all like being reminded or encouraged in different ways. For some a reminder is a nag. Others actually like the structure of being in an environment where they are told what to do. Another friend of mine said he really enjoys being micromanaged. Being micromanaged drives me nuts. For him, he is able to completely outsource the icky motivational stuff and just get on with doing things.

I think we should be able to hire and fire our bosses. Like musicians or tennis stars. Find a team that helps bring out the best in you. The job of a boss should be to take obstacles out of the way. To find barriers to creativity and destroy them.

This is the guest blog post you were looking for, move along

Occupational Hazards

Most strengths have associated weaknesses if they are overused. We know this from it's opposite and the unfair interview question of 'what are your weaknesses?'. The normal response is trotting out things like 'I can be a bit of a perfectionist/ I can be a bit bossy when things need to get done/... My awesomeness often irritates people'. There are Occupational Hazards that can be be tough to avoid. If you are a lawyer trained to find holes in arguments, it can be difficult to switch that off when you are listening to your friends. If you are a psychologist, it can be difficult not to analyse the people close to you. If you are a doctor, it can be difficult to show empathy to someone with a few sniffs and a severe, debilitating case of man flu.

I have spent the last 15 months writing daily blog posts, and thinking about happiness and learning. One of the criticisms of the modern world is that we don't have time to think. I have time to think. We don't have time for our friends and family. I have time for friends and family. We don't notice things because our heads are absorbed by work worries. I have time to notice things.

By writing every day, looking for ideas has become a habit. Almost every conversation becomes a potential blog post. Almost every interaction becomes a dot that I might be able to connect to something else. The very human characteristic of trying to see patterns in everything becomes what I am almost always thinking about. The problem is you can end up like John Nash in a cabin in the backyard seeing patterns that aren't actually there. Some things are just random, unconnected, inconsistent, noise.

Connecting Dots for the sake of it

I regularly get asked what my biggest take home has been. Despite thinking simplifying things down to 100 words is a useful exercise, I don't think it is a great way of giving answers. It is a good way of getting new, more beautiful, questions. I don't think I have big take homes yet. I started out with the idea of '100 hour projects'. By self-experimenting on learning things that I had previously thought I wasn't good at, I could extract richness from areas of experiences I had ruled out. I could write about barriers to learning. Instead of 10,000 hours and becoming World Class, wouldn't it be great to just get over the first hurdles that often stop us before we start. I thought 'First 100 hours' was catchy. I even bought first100hrs.com. Then I discovered Josh Kaufman's 'The First 20 hours'. Between that and Tim Ferris' 'The 4-hour work week', I wasn't sure I could add anything particularly useful.

My approach shifted to simply creating space in my day, and in my head. And seeing what happened. My goals narrowed from the other interview question 'Where do you see yourself in 5 years time', to how can I just have a great day. I heard Tim Minchin's talk on micro-ambition and it resonated with me. I had always had very long term plans. I wanted to learn to write. I decided to day that. By writing.

One thing that happened with the space is that I don't think it is about getting answers. It may not even be about seeing patterns. One of the most powerful stories of the last year came from two sources, both connected to two extended family members I hadn't spent much time with. One is my cousin Charles who is a chronic pain psychologist. He helps people to stop trying to fix things. By accepting that pain is chronic, they are able to make mental space to look beyond the pain. The pain just is. But it isn't more. The other part of the story came from Morfar (literally mother's father. My cousin's wife's Dad*). Morfar had experienced chronic pain throughout his life because of gallstones and has the Swedish record for the most removed over a lifetime. He is a very positive, very friendly man who has learned to cope.

So I don't think the point is to figure out some secret to happiness. Or to spot a pattern that may lead to an insight that will change peoples lives. I think the point is to accept things. To value people. To do the best you can. The world is rich with connections that matter.

Already.

*The Swedes are very literal in their names. The Stockholm 'cousin' I was visiting's Father is my Grandfather's cousin. Introducing me to the Vikings was awkward.

Ins and Outs

Learning Curve

I have always looked for jobs where I was on a learning curve, and started to get itchy feet when I felt like I was at the 'just doing' stage. You could call this the 'Call Centre Problem'. You want bright, engaging, friendly, high IQ, high EQ people on the other end of the line when you need help. You just don't want to be that person. It really can be an awful job once you know everything really well. Initially it can be an awful job when people expect you to know everything really well. I am definitely the worst version of myself when I am on the phone to a call centre for more than an hour.

The problem lies in the fact that keeping awesome people in the job is really hard once they are really good. Most of the queries are probably the same. So much the same that you would think you could automate call centres. AAAAAAAAAAAgh. I hate automated call centres. Going through a number of imperfect options until we get the ones I want. Please can I speak to a real person who will listen, understand, and point me in the right direction. No, please don't redirect me. One person. One all knowing, all seeing person who can fix everything. Oh, the CEO is too busy to answer the phones. Shucks.

The irony is that the CEO is probably too busy not to answer phones. What they don't tell you when you are eyeing out job paths is that being a CEO is not dissimilar to being a call centre operator. You mostly spend your time meeting or on the phone with disappointed stakeholders who all disagree. While worrying insanely about all the things that could go wrong. I'll pass thanks.

Dream Job

I looked for how to get a job where I could be learning every day, I loved what I was doing, and I was focussing on people I cared about and who cared about me. Just over a year ago, I found that job. Ever since 9 August 2014, I have been thinking and writing about happiness and learning, and trying to figure out ways to spend more time and energy on people that matter to me. Despite the 'work' part of what I do taking less than 3 hours a day, I think I have had one of the most productive years of my life. Busy doesn't always mean productive. 

But... there is a problem easily noted. I only made £4.11 in the first year. It only gets paid out when I reach £10. Having recently told people this, the question becomes 'How long can you make this last?' or 'How do you monetize this?'. The answer to monetize this is easier. I stop daily blogging and get a real job. It is the same reason I haven't invested a lot of time into monetizing my art. I know what I would need to do. I would have to hustle. I would need to visit lots of dealers and build a network. I would have to enter lots of competitions. I would have to build an audience with a group of people (with money) who like my work. That is work. That is actually business. I have studied business, and it is not a business I would invest in.

One of money's key strengths is its ambivalence. It strips things of all their defining characteristics and subtle flavours and gives you a number. A number you can use to compare completely different things. This much of this is worth that much of that. Like saying being this tall is equivalent to being that clever. Tallness and Cleverness have nothing to do with each other. Much of the 'work' part of business is the same, no matter what you are doing. Once someone is sitting at a desk, in a cubicle, with a cup of coffee, they may be an accountant, engineer, writer, architect, mathematician, academic or whatever. They will have admin. They will have colleagues they like. They will have colleagues who annoy them. Good bosses who are interested in them. Bad bosses who have no time or energy to be interested. Politics. The work of an artist and the work of a banker can be mostly the same.

The truth is, in an ideal world, I don't want to monetise my blog. I would like to be able to dive into the qualitative world. The world that can't be reduced to a number. As a scientist (or in business) you look to understand things that can generalise. You want to be able to predict things, so you need to understand cause and effect. An experiment is only useful if it can be replicated. The magic in business comes when you can solve a problem that almost everyone has. In art, relationships, life and everything else you don't want to reduce to a number, you aren't looking to replicate, you are looking to appreciate. The goals are very different. The answer is never the same.

Ins and Outs

So the answer to how long this last depends on something else. Two things matter. 'Ins' and 'Outs'. If the Ins are winning in the long run, then something is infinitely sustainable. The Ins also need a buffer to survive any unexpected Outs. The lower the Outs, the less Ins required. The Ins and Outs matter much more than the number. Three examples will help explain that:

• The world runs on fossil fuels at the moment. The Ins come from things like the Sun and the Wind. Our store of fossil fuels that have been dug up or can be dug up are 'the number'. The Outs are how much we are using and the damage that is causing. If we don't figure out how to get the Ins more than the Outs, we are stuffed. The clock is ticking. 

• I once heard the story of a wildly successful, wealthy guy earning something like R20 million a year when that was still a hell of a lot of money. Aged around 65, he was thinking of winding down and asked a financial adviser what he needed to do to be able to stop working and sustain his lifestyle. He hadn't started saving yet. The adviser offered to buy him a beer. That was the only help he could offer.

• The third story would be someone pitching up with nothing at a Yoga Ashram. Their number is zero. They roll up their sleeves and chip in around the place as they would at home. A bit of cleaning, some cooking, some gardening. They spend the rest of the day in thought, exercising or just being still. No Outs, lots of Ins. This person with nothing has nothing to worry about.

Ins and Outs

Making it Work

The answer to the question 'how long will it last', is 'it depends'. I have saved aggressively but have no control over various things that are important factors. I can minimise the Outs by trying to think about what is important to me and those I care about, and spending on things that are valuable rather than rare. 

In terms of the Ins, most of my money is invested in a global equity fund run by the company I spent most of my time working at (Orbis). Some is invested with another company I later moved to (Stonehage). Some in businesses I have invested in myself. Then I have a buffer for little challenges life throws at me along the way. If these Marshmallows continue to multiply faster than I spend them, I get to carry on doing the things I love without worrying about monetising them.

What if things fall apart? I have some insurance in the form of relationships and education, but at the end of the day I can just get a job. Sometimes you just do what you have to do.

Independence Day

Today is my Independence Day! A year ago today I woke up for the first time post school, post university and post work. Stages of life are often a preparation for something else. My goal was to take each day as it comes. To enjoy it for it's own sake, and add a little flow. Barring a day in the air heading down under, I have written every day. I have also received 48 guest posts from friends, family, colleagues and people that I have met through social media. 

Despite declaring independence, I should say I am not ridiculously wealthy. Talking about money seems dirty, but since the first thing most people ask me about when I say what I am doing is money, it seems I exist in the chink of our financial privacy armoury. So I will be open. I have 'made' £4.11 in the last year. The '' are because Google only pays out when you reach £10. So I have not yet been able to purchase a celebratory Dine In For Two. I also got £50 for covering a Yoga lesson for a friend. 5 people each gave me £10 for corporate organised after work yoga lesson. All my other yoga teaching was on a volunteer basis.

Most writers aren't JK Rowling. Most tennis players aren't Roger Federer. In reality, if you want to pursue your passion there is no reason you should be paid well for it just because you or others think you are good at it. Pay isn't determined by value, effort, knowledge, skill, talent or any of the essential characteristics that we believe form 'who we are'/'what we are worth'. For something to pay, it has to be monetised. For something to be monetised, it has to be quantified. There has to be a limited amount of it. There have to be people who want it. There have to be people who want it but can't get it. That is how it works. A good idea isn't enough.

But that doesn't have to determine how we live. You can separate your passion from livelihood. I live off marshmallows. I work for flow rather than money. I can only do this because I created a muse. I saved aggressively and invested the money in things that were productive. This means my money earns an income and I live off it. The real trick wasn't in fact about how much, it was about how little. There are two important things to living a sustainable lifestyle. The one is how much comes in - how much you are being paid, either by your salary or your capital. The other is how much goes out. My trick is that I think most of us are cultural billionaires. You can cut back dramatically on how much goes out and benefit from our shared wealth. Shared wealth often isn't limited and there is enough to go round. It can't be monetised. It is priceless.

I know I am very privileged. The portion of my wealth that is financial is minuscule compared to the social capital I have got through luck. The language I speak, the colour of my skin, my sexual orientation, my gender and now my red passport, give me a big foot up in the world. What I am doing is not risky. I have a buffer of wonderful friends for anything life can throw at me. Education provides wonderful insurance. If my money disappears, I may not be able to get the job I want, but I am confident I will be able to get a job. That confidence is priceless.

The things I enjoy are pretty cheap. I love spending time with friends. This can be near free if you walk along a river rather than going out for dinner. I enjoy reading. In the UK at least, this is incredibly good value for money. Add the free content, interaction and ideas now available online and again there is plenty to go around. Priceless and free. If your tastes include healthy eating, a healthy lifestyle, time to relax and time to reflect - go live at an Ashram. You really don't need bundles of cash to live an amazing life. You need bundles of cash if you really want stuff there isn't enough of.

My key point is that it is very often a choice. Often we feel trapped by things we are working towards. Most of us are not trapped. I do think poverty is a trap. I do think poor mental health can be a trap. For the rest of us, if we are not comparing ourselves to others - independence is a choice. You can't have everything but there are more amazing things, people and experiences available within your means to fill several lifetimes. Independence is the realisation that you can walk away from any individual thing if you wanted to. It is a mindset. You are not a slave. 

You can be independent and earn a salary. You can be a slave and be a billionaire. You can be comfortably retired but still not independent. Some people can't choose. Most can.

Happiness and Learning

The general theme of my blog is 'happiness and learning'. What I am trying to do is think aloud, and be led by the conversations I have with my friends. Happiness, for me, is a combination of a question and a practice. The question is the bit that links with learning. How we arrive in the world, and where we find ourselves is pretty random. If you know where someone comes from, their age, their race, their religion, their wealth and their gender, you can probably narrow down their philosophy on life pretty quickly as a generalisation. We think in groups. The more we can expand the group we believe we are a part of the less random our ideas will be. The more we can benefit from the learning of everyone.

The practice bit comes in that you can't always be questioning. You can't always be doubting. You have to act, and I think small actionable things both matter, and add up. So you can practice happiness. I started Yoga in 2009 at a very traditional centre deeply soaked in Indian culture. At first I was quite sceptical of the fact that it was run by what seemed like very religious people - monks. These Swami's wear orange and devote themselves to the practice of Yoga believing "an ounce of practice is worth a ton of theory". 

Swami Vishnudevananda knew a thing or two about happiness and learning

I backed myself as able to take the bits I found useful, and remain sceptical of the bits I didn't. It turned out this was very consistent with the philosophy, and the Yoga practice was very different from my introduction to religion as being more focussed on the philosophical side of 'what is truth'. Yoga isn't a religion. At the heart of the Yogic philosophy was the admission that we don't know. Our understanding is limited. The closest we can come to understanding is Ishvara. Since we think in stories, this will be different for all of us. It will just be a framework to help us think. To calm our thought. Whether you are a Christian, Jew, Muslim, Buddhist, Hindu, Atheist or none of the above.

In the meantime, we can practice well-being. We can eat well. We can breathe properly. We can exercise. We can learn to relax and manage the energy we have to approach the things that matter to us. We can try understand how powerful our minds are at influencing the way we experience the world. We can try think positively. We can remember to look after those we care about. We can find something to do that challenges us and keeps us engaged. All these things are very practical.

We can get a little done and learn a little. Add time. Simmer. Then taste.

Up To Us

Liberal Constitutional Democracies and their Citizens are similar to the News and Social Media. The Government can only really do a limited amount of stuff because they aren't dictators. We made it that way. Many of us disappeared off to the New World and set up new ways of doing things. We made a hash of it initially and those of us who were there already often got the short end of the stick. But we got, and we are getting better. 

In many countries in the world, if we want to do something, we don't have to wait for the Government to do it. A Liberal Constitution gives you the right to do something unless it obstructs someone elses liberty. It doesn't stop you from helping people. If there are poor people in a rich country, I don't think you can blame it on the government. You don't need to get consensus, raise taxes, and redistribute. If there are poor people in a rich country, it is because not enough of us are doing something about it. 

When it comes to the News, if we want to hear about stories that really matter, we don't have to wait for the News to cover it. Social Media means we are in charge of the content that gets put out. There is no one stopping you from participating in the conversation. If the quality of discussion is poor, we can't blame any Media companies.

News stories tend to focus on 'News worthy' items. They talk about deaths due to shark attacks and murders, not deaths due to diarrhoea or malaria. Something is newsworthy if it is out of the ordinary. It is not the job of the media to tell us stories that resonate more closely to our lives. The description of ordinary peoples lives. We don't tend to talk about the stuff that matters to us in the open. So we only hear from celebrities and writers. We don't hear from each other.

source: NEWS!!! Florida led the world in Shark Attacks in 2013

One thing I like about the blogging medium is that when I speak to friends who read my blog, we get straight to something that matters to both of us. Most of us only have a few areas of interest that overlap and we are very busy. We don't get to see each other that often. Often a catch up ends up being small talk for a while before perhaps by chance you stumble on something that matters. With blogs, the friend may have skimmed stuff that doesn't interest them and read the ones that did. The trigger of seeing you may bring back that post and you can chat about it. Even better, I have found the trigger of seeing the blog post actually leads to more face to face time. With so much going on, sometimes we need triggers to remind us what is important to us. 

In my ideal world, we would all write blogs. Clearly public comments descend quickly, but if one persons post triggers you to write something etc. the world will be more full of things that matter to us.

At some point, if things aren't the way we want them, but we have the power to change that - it is up to us and we need to get on with it.

Advice to Yourself

'All advice is autobiographical', says Austin Kleon. 'It's one of my theories that when people give you advice, they're really just talking to themselves in the past.' Stephen Fry also writes his autobiographies with his younger self as the target audience. He aims to write the books he wishes he could have read. Karl Popper's idea of  using imagination and creativity to come up with ideas, but then honing them is similar. It is actually quite easy to be self critical when the ideas are distant enough in the past that you feel detached from them. It doesn't feel personal anymore.

'These are men with bold ideas, but highly critical of their own ideas: they try to find whether their ideas are right by trying to find whether they are not perhaps wrong. They work with bold conjectures and severe attempts at refuting their own conjectures.' Karl Popper

I like the idea of writing letters to a younger self but I wonder about the butterfly effect. I am not sure I would want my younger self to read them. I have done some dumb things in the past and everyone has their share of misfortunes they could have avoided. The ability to go back and correct actions is very tempting, but the whole course of your and other people's lives would be affected. One of the ways I now try get over things is to do something really awesome that I couldn't have done if the bad thing hadn't happened. That way, it is difficult to wish that thing hadn't happened because then the next awesome thing wouldn't have happened.

Some advice is easy. To Trev who wrote his first blog post on 7 April 2006 - you spell blog with one g. It is short for web log. Use spell check. Read through things before you publish them.

My second post was later the same day and I described some of my first paintings. I also talk about growing tired with doing paintings of images done by other people and wanting to spend time learning photography so I could paint my own images. Well, 8 years later that dream is about receive some focus. On Friday, I moved out of the Wimbledon Art Studios after 4 years of learning about colour and texture with oil paint. I am now going to shift to sketching and photography, before starting to incorporate that back into my painting. 

My third and fourth posts are I imagine not unusual for people in their mid twenties. Truth is, I don't know what is typical for people at that age. I know what I was going through, and perhaps that is Kleon's point. The one is a stream of consciousness post which freaks me out reading. Taking creative output out of context can be dangerous. My Dad always used to worry about my early paintings which tended to focus on dark subject matter. I am a happy guy, but I can see how my work may have caused concern. I painted a cape flats prostitute who had been murdered, and a young polish girl who had been executed for stealing pigeons. I still love these paintings, but they are certainly less warm and fuzzy than some of my others. I think having freedom to explore some of the more unpleasant emotions helps build resilience. It also helps the good times taste sweeter. I am very pleased that we can explore these through art rather than experience. Watching series like 'Band of Brothers' seem to give a real sense of what it must have been like to be involved in a World War. I feel incredibly lucky to not live in a time when I had to be a part of that.

My fourth post was a 'Statement of Belief' based on JM Coetzee's Elizabeth Costello. Rereading this I am probably still happy that it largely reflects my views, but would tweak some of the way I say it. I loved the quote from the Boondock Saints: I know only two things: (1) There is a God, and (2) I am not him. A university friend Phil used to say to me he disagrees with both. Having spent more time reading about Vedanta through the philosophical side of Yoga, I get what he meant. In Vedanta, they say that God or Brahman is the unchanging reality which cannot be described. Most people don't function with an explanation like that though. We need something to wrap our heads around. We need stories. Vedanta then uses the idea of Ishwara to be a form or description given to God by people. So for Muslims, this is Allah. For Christians it is Christ/God/The Holy Spirit. Dawkins doesn't use an Ishwara... his story of understanding the world doesn't need a central figure.

I got quite angry with the form of understanding I had. The story I used didn't make sense to me, and I used to boil at seeing the turmoil in the world and the idea that God allowed evil in the world. For me a world that is random with no malicious intent but something, whatever it is, that tends to move things forward over the long term makes more sense. The challenge I am now working with is 'making peace' with the story I had. There were lots of good bits. The great thing with stories is you don't have to discard them when you find a fault. You can tweak. You can correct typos, change characters and rewrite. Perhaps that is the point of having conversations with yourself from the past. Not to help the younger you, but to help you today.

An Invitation

In 2009, I started a blog called 'Protecting Alpha' which was intended as a collaborative research project. One of the issues with writing is that if you make allowance for all the philosophical excuses someone who recognises how little we know for certain would make, you can become as clear as mud and as interesting as the grass that won't grow in the mud.

I like the idea of a blog because it involves people far earlier in the process than normal. As I develop my thoughts, I can write them down. Readers can comment. It becomes a conversation. Instead of hiding away in a cabin in a mountain and coming down from on high having discovered the truth - a blog gives you the opportunity to discover it with your readers. A joint journey warts and all. A journey that gives you the shared insights of a community of people.

I separated out that blog from this one because it was very investing focused and I largely wanted to keep this blog away from my professional life. It died a sudden death as the reality of prioritisation in the business world pushed research interests down the list. The idea of using a blog for collaborative research and conversation is still the primary appeal for me. The overarching theme of this blog is intended as a study of life and what to do. Which pretty much means I write about whatever I want to. More specifically though, I enjoy the framework provided by the Yoga I practice plus a few tweaks. I talked about this here as 'The 5 + 2 points'.

I am no expert in what I am writing about. I started Yoga 5 years ago I wasn't even close to being able to touch my toes. I did my first teacher training course at the end of 2011. A month in Austria at the Sivananda Retreat House in Reith. I started teaching shortly after that. I believe you don't have to be an expert in something to help others and by definition you don't have to be an expert to improve. In fact, often once you believe you are an expert it is a problem because you stop learning or even practicing. 

So this post is essentially an invitation to anyone who reads it. I intend to try and learn about learning. To put myself in positions of discomfort attempting to gain skills, some random and fun, some practical, to try and understand what it is that stops us from doing new things. I plan on studying happiness and thinking of ways to help people live more fulfilling, meaningful and valued lives. I will try act as a filter and find some interesting work of others to share. Depending on how keen you are, please start your own blog or your own learning experiences and share what insights you gain (or if you have one already, share it in the comments section for others to take a look). Or just comment on this one. In the areas where I am more useless, please point me in directions which you think would would help. 

I think it is awesome that we can use modern technology to connect in a borderless world of ideas. 

Trev in 2009 trying to touch his toes

Sharing Ideas

I can't call myself an early adopter of blogging, and with just a post here and there, other than an 18 month splurge of posts - I am hardly a regular poster. The end of the splurge is partly connected to the fact that the only other friend I knew of who blogged quit blogging in December '09. Ideas tend to feed off each other, and I used to find myself always thinking about what I was going to write about next, so it is a slippery slope. Writing every day is much easier than writing when the mood takes you. It is a habit much like anything else.

I have never quite taken to twitter, with just 32 tweets. I did take to Facebook. As Social media has evolved though, they do seem to be slowly ironing out cracks. I am chuffed to see Google really giving Facebook a go with Google+. A little competition goes a long way to inspiring some innovation.

Some random observations...

• It would be cool if you could write blog posts that only selected individuals could see, without them having to sign in - Google+ has this, maybe blogger will soon. You can do private blogs, but the additional layer of having to sign in is irritating.
• Pre-signing in remove anonymity. I think this is a good thing. People say silly things when they think it is anonymous.
• Twitter was the less private - everyone can see version. Google+ added the ability to choose which groups to share status updates with (including public), and I think Facebook will follow. I like the idea that ideas can be shared freely, and private stuff can be kept private.
• Filtering remains a big problem. Google Reader does a decent job, but I still struggle getting through the clutter. Relying on friends 'liking'/sharing things doesn't always help, since if lots of them do it, and only a some of the articles are relevant to you, you still have to filter through that too.
• Of course, sharing ideas takes time. Unless you are Tim Ferris, finding the time is tough. And even if you would love it if certain of your friends were into sharing their ideas, finding your own motivation is tough enough. And then there is the day job.

All being said, I do think watching things progress is exciting. I particularly enjoy the experimental nature of it all. I thought Google Wave was pretty cool, but it never took. Bits of it get incorporated into new ideas, and some code is made open source so others can try use it. Some stuff fails, some stuff like Facebook takes off.

At the end of the day it all comes down to sharing ideas.

Exciting times.

Why blog?

I started blogging around 4 years ago. I only really started blogging regularly about 2 years ago. Once I got into it, in my dream world I pictured a whole bunch of friends doing it too. By blogging myself, I was always thinking about what to write next. The main idea was that I didn't want to write about myself in a personal sense, but rather to write about the ideas that were exciting me at any time. Just the fact that I planned on writing regularly seemed to feed ideas as I would be trying to think of what to write next.

Along the way I have tried to convince others to blog. At times I have probably erred on the side of blogevangelist and perhaps scared and scarred some people. Hopefully they forgave my enthusiasm. I would have to rank my attempts as pretty poor though since the majority of those who started them wrote only a handful of posts before stopping. My first 2 years of blogging were much the same. The thinking that got me to write more is explained in the post that ended the rot... "scared?"

Basically it was about not being scared of writing. Just deciding to write something and doing it. Writing regularly. Some posts are rubbish. Some posts perhaps make you look like an idiot. Some make you look like a narcissist. Some strike a cord.

Along the way, the person who inspired me to start, stopped. So my grand plan of everyone writing a regular brief post on what they are thinking, reading, dreaming, doing or being is really going backwards.

But I can dream.

Anonymous Comments

The comments section of this blog has been increasingly spammed by various marketing ploys, so I have turned off the ability to leave anonymous comments.

There is still the ability to use your google account, or Open ID. If you are really determined to leave a comment, and can't, the comments section also leaves the option of emailing me.

Or you could just do that the old fashioned way at trevorjohnblack@gmail.com.

Not expecting a flurry of comments, but just thought I would mention it.

Thanks

Like Tiger Woods, the 'Godfather' of this blog has decided to take an 'indefinite leave' from blogging. It is a pity.

He is one very few of my friends who blog. So few in fact, that he is the only one I know of that could have been called a regular blogger. I always hoped that a number of my friends would start blogging, and I think it is a great way of exchanging ideas and keeping up conversations as everyone scatters all over the world.

Anyway, I can't force anyone else to start as much as I could force him to continue, so all I can say is thank you Mr Torr for introducing me to blogging, and please continue to throw abuse in my general direction when I don't post often enough.

I hope the break is brief.

You Blog!?!

It is not uncommon for me to get a raised eyebrow when I tell people that I blog. A lot of people associate blogging with the idea of an online diary and despair at the idea of another person sharing far too much of themselves on a public platform.

This is not an online diary. I do not assume that the people reading are close friends. Neither do I consider this a very public forum. Yes, anybody can read what I write here, but chances are they won't. Most people will never see what I write and the large majority who are savvy enough to search it out will find no interest in it whatsoever.

That said, I assume anyone and everyone WILL read my blog. I know they won't, but I assume they will. This means that whatever I write, I consider first whether I would have a problem with anyone reading it. As Mitch Joel points out, this is probably an assumption we are going to have to soon assume in most aspects of our lives. For now though, we still have some privacy... so am I getting rid of mine by writing this blog?

Well, no. Because I don't tell you my deepest darkest secrets. Perhaps those closest to me can read between the lines of what I say. Perhaps sometimes I plant things between the lines that I know those who know me will understand but others won't. Perhaps the trail of my posts gives away stuff about me even I don't understand. Maybe I also have a bigger threshold in terms of what I don't mind people knowing about me too...

But, at the end of the day, this blog is not a diary. It is a rather selfish platform for me to express what is going on in my head and flesh out ideas. Most of what I say is likely wrong, but by writing it down, it lets me get closer to figuring things out.

If people find what I write interesting, they will read it again. Maybe with time I will get better at expressing my ideas. Maybe with time my ideas will become more well thought through and interesting. Honestly though, as the reader stats on my side bar show... I do not have thousands of people reading what I write.

Why I write is partly to learn, and a carrot to encourage me to read and write more. Another reason is that I enjoy finding that I have common interests with friends who read my blog that I was not aware of. If they have read my blog, they don't start the conversation... 'So tell me about Bermuda and London'... they say...

I read your thoughts on Vegetarianism and you are so wrong, or... I also really enjoy TED too, did you see the talk by...

I have given up on the idea that all the interesting people I know will one day be inspired to take up blogging to. I hope a few will. I have found the experience very rewarding...

How do you get better?

I only really started this blog with a post entitled 'Scared'? after Stuart had given me a lot of grief. I wanted to write, but I wanted to write stuff that was deep, interesting or funny. I wanted to write stuff that people would want to read, and I yet I just didn't write. Part of it is 'Creativity Block' and part of it is just a desire for everything you do to be fantastic.

In 'Outliers', Gladwell talks about how the Beatles spent much of the start of their career just singing other peoples songs. But they spent hours and hours on stage until they got good enough to start experimenting.

Stuart writes about his umming and aahhing over the tone of his posts. I must admit, when I started blogging more regularly, and particularly when I was working through thoughts about the role of government and capitalism, or the power of the free market, I really enjoyed the interaction with Stuart and his brother Greg in the comments section. I enjoyed it, but the tone was quite aggressive. Greg doesn't comment on my blog as much since it became more of a 'Yay Internet' blog as Stuart calls it.

When listening to people who enjoy debating, you are often struck by how little they are listening, and how much they are waiting for their turn to speak. Disinterested seeking of the truth where you are your own biggest critic is very difficult. Genuinely trying to hear, empathize and think through another persons perspective is a rare remarkable skill. But you also don't want to never venture opinions. I think it comes down to making those statements, or bold conjectures, and then being your biggest critic.

What I worry about is that we become so worried about how we say things and the tone of how we say it, that we don't say them. That the discussion sits in little folders that only you see. When Stuart mentions the fact that he has posts sitting there that he hasn't put up, I think that is just silly.

I do think there is a very important place for reviewed, reworked, updated and well thought through essays. But I also think you need to get your thoughts out there to be worked through.

Had I the IT skills, and a few more dollops of motivation, I would like my blog to be a combination of blog posts written (as I do) in 20-30 minutes and posted. Essays that are well thought through. Audio conversations, and talks. Presentations. Basically as many different avenues as possible. If I really got motivated, maybe even a book.

But what I do think is important is that you find a way of getting it out there, of getting into the habit of trying. Then be your own worst critic and try and improve.

I for one think Mr Torr does a good job both of stating his opinions strongly, and of criticizing them.

Drip Drip Drip

Seth Godin has just written his 3000th post. I have written about 345 on this blog, just over 20 on Protecting Alpha. I also tried to write regularly on a work blog at my previous company.

Why am I trying to write regularly? I find that the process has reinvigorated me along with reading more. I am constantly thinking of things to write about or respond to from MuttBlog's posts.

I was recently speaking to someone who is due to start their MBA at Oxford in September. I was trying to understand whether the only thing that we are paying for in tertiary education now is the signal. This is because you could quite easily set up home in Oxford, study during the day, and socialize with the same bright stars at night. All for nothing but the opportunity cost of not working.

One of his arguments is that it provides the structure necessary to learn. That it provides the competitive energy and deadlines to get you to learn.

Maybe. But I found that my studying ability improved once I no longer had to attend tuts and lectures and could simply work through the stuff myself. Now that I am no longer studying towards formal qualifications, I find the freedom to read where my mind takes me awesome. Not something I would trade lightly.

But... I agree that you still need something to keep you going. That is why I like the idea of blogging. When I haven't posted for a few days, I am aware of it. Sometimes a friend will mail me an moan.

And as Seth mentions, it becomes a habit. Even the idea of one day writing a book no longer seems as daunting when you have written over 300 posts. Maybe, once I hit 3000 I will have got to a level where the quality of writing warrants it.

Sometimes I think we have to trick ourselves into doing the things we want to do. I want to write... but like the MBA friend I need motivation. Daily posting provides that for me. Maybe that is what the price tag of the MBA is for him (other than the signal).

Drip drip drip... till 3000 posts one day?