Getting comfortable with discomfort is necessary to still waves of anxiety. The ability to enjoy the challenge comes from a degree of internal security. While constantly confused, I have a high degree of self-confidence, not that I have the solution but in myself.
This doesn’t spare me from impostor syndrome or projecting my noisy internal committee as a filter for other people’s comments. Rather, it is a place I can return to.
Attachment Theory talks of a “Circle of Security”. The infant learns that their primary caregivers are responsive and dependable, which creates a secure base for the child to explore the world. As children venture out, they know there is someone to watch over, delight in, help, and enjoy their curiosity. When things go wrong, there is a safe haven to return to for protection and comfort. Someone to help organise the child’s feelings and get them ready to venture out again.
This kind of security doesn’t pretend to have answers. It is not “fake it till you make it”. It is, “you have made it, you are enough... so ask questions!”.
That empowers the ability to experience life as one big trial and error experiment, where what matters most is never at risk. Where no one decision is overwhelming. Where consequences are manageable. Where no single moment defines your life. Instead moments connect to each other, and difficulty can be unwound (with work) and re-ordered.
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