Spending Discipline

Spending discipline is not just a personal decision. Choices have consequences. It is much easier to be “harsh” or stoic, if it is just you. The yogic idea of Tapas is the opposite of a holiday. “Tap” means “to be hot”, but the practice is embracing difficulty in order to gain comfort in it. Where the heat births inner strength. Holidays are normally where we release the pressure built up in a 5-day work, 2-day recovery cycle. Something we look forward to, and use as a reward. With Tapas it is in the other direction. You remove the pleasures and complexity, and when you return to real life you suddenly see the flavour and joy. 

Much of what we spend is habitual and deeply intertwined with our community. “Nothing kills an activist like a mortgage and school fees”. The more extreme measures of cutting back expenses (in order to build buffers of emergency funds and capital to support you in difficulty), become challenging when money going out is not a voluntary pleasure. Fixed expenses are things you no longer make decisions about. They just happen. Like living in a particular area because that is where the school or job is. Moving would have real consequences. Real trade-offs. So even when there are cheaper options, they are not your options. 

When you start the journey of financial planning by writing a list of how you spend, there will be steady outflows that are fixed and regular, and bursts that variable and voluntary. There will be items that feel like your choice and others that feel chosen for you. Every journey towards more autonomy and consent, starts with “where are you”. 

Write that list. See where you are starting from.

Autonomy and Consent

Once you have a deep understanding of yourself and where you are, you can build capacity. To handle the random, ambiguous, and complicated change you are a part of. You will be able to cope. “I am okay now. I will be okay later. I will thrive.” 

Plans are neither static, nor able to remove difficulties. Plans are a tool to create a process to deal with problems as they arise and evolve. Challenge means you are alive. In movement culture (calisthenics) they focus on developing strength, flexibility, and control (see GMB.io). This is the same idea I talk about with financial yoga and stilling the waves of money anxiety. 

Strength is endurance. The building of your muscles through regular controlled stress. Through workouts, varied between Sustained Medium-Intensity and High-Intensity Interval Training (HIIT). 

Flexibility is resilience. Your ability to adapt and adjust to accommodate different situations. Through calm and relaxed lengthening of your muscles. 

Control is creativity. It is the ability to see, evaluate, decide, act, and get the intended consequences you were looking for despite all the things that are not in your control. 

Moving well gives you an underlying sense of autonomy and consent.

Moving Well

Choosing a Level

You need to choose the level of consciousness that you want to live at. There is simplicity in just accepting the rules and doing what you're told. Like plugging in your destination on GPS versus studying the map in advance. There are definitely places I have driven multiple times that I would not be able to get to without help, because I have chosen to switch that bit of thinking off. There is simplicity in accepting your role and the pre-laid path from the menu you were given. That is fine if you enjoy what you have been given on the menu. It is less confusing. There are less options. You don’t have to think about it. You can focus on something else. When we decide that something is important, that is us projecting that it is important to us. For me, autonomy and consent are important. That makes it difficult, because you have to unpack everything and that is messy. That mess is a choice, and choices have consequences. 

Levelling Mountains

 

Healthy Disrespect

Whether it is from growing up in Apartheid, or being the youngest of three brothers, I have the common South African trait of a healthy disrespect for authority. I don't, by default, necessarily respect presumed authority. I don’t, by default, do what I am told. Sometimes in quite childish ways. Like if someone tells me that it is my decision, then I will make a decision. And if they suggest that I do something else, and I don't agree with them, I still want to do it my way. Unless they want to say it is not my decision. If they say that, I'll do it their way. Most people can read between the lines and go, “Well, actually, they want to tell me that it is my decision, but it is not really my decision. I just need to suck it up and play the game.” I'm not very good at that. I like clarity of decision-making processes. I like honesty about where the accountability and authority lie. I object to the delegation of responsibility without authority. I like it when decision makers have dirt under their fingertips from sharing the load. But everyone is different. A lot of people don’t have the baggage I do. Doing as you are told often makes life simpler.

Nelson Mandela burning his pass book

 

Decisions have Consequences

“The Man in the High Castle” looks at what how the world would have been like if the Second World War turned out differently. If Germany and Japan had conquered America and the rest of Europe. Even that kind of scenario (where we have a clear historical story of good winning out over evil), there were still moments of joy that happened in that alternate universe, that wouldn't have happened otherwise.  

Part of autonomy and consent is that decisions have consequences. Choices and events open up, and close down, histories and futures. Making peace with this idea that we have different options is a challenge. With an intricate web of ripple effects. What we do matters. To us and to others. 

I do not believe in pure equality. That is not autonomy. It would strip the world of its complexity, ambiguity, and randomness. If everyone had exactly the same experience, we would be controlled. It feels like that would be fair. But it would restrict us.

Intricate Web of Decision Making

Wrestling with Ideas

A good idea is not enough. Bringing a thought to reality is a complex coordination problem that requires time, resources, and connection. I have wrestled long and hard with my inner idealist and pragmatist. Learning which battles to pick. Learning the art of silence. Learning when good intent actually escalates conflict. Learning when there is no need or value in defending myself or my beliefs. And when there is. I find it interesting that in stories of the old sages, the wise old hermits that get consulted seldom do more than ask ambiguous questions. As if those who know the most are those who see the humour in it all. In my utopia, my understanding of the world is not forced on others. I am an anarchist in that way. My ideal relationships are peer to peer. But I am not submissive, and am resistant to those who wish to dominate without consent. A dance between protecting my good ideas, and letting them go enough for them to influence reality.

 

Space for Choice

I am trying to think of a gender-neutral word for emasculated. Disempowered does not feel visceral enough, and disemboweled is, I admit, too extreme. I also do not like being infantilised or micro-managed. This distaste for hierarchy is not a dislike of rules. I really enjoy clear decision-making processes and agreements. A perhaps strange combination of a rule-abiding contrarian. Seeking permission sucks when you are the one who has done the work. I have no problem with other people making different decisions to me. What I like is space. Space to make imperfect choices, and space for others to see the world differently. Where accountability and authority live together, with honest acknowledgement that we are all making it up as we go along. A great part of being an adult, is tolerating and dealing with your own mess. Building your own process. Owning the fact that decisions have consequences. In positive and negative directions. Making agreements, and making decisions within those agreements.

Pleasure and Meaning

One of the most powerful tools in your financial stability kit is the ability to find meaning and pleasure in the plentiful. Price is not value. It is more of a measure of scarcity. A pulsing dance of supply and demand. A thrust forward of supply when the price is attractive. A retreat when it goes too low. Increased demand when the offer catches more eyes. Decreased demand when the beat becomes repetitive. Price is a signal. You need to hold on to the ability to accept or reject its offer of movement. You need to be able to find your own flow, and connect when and only when what is offered meets your needs. Autonomy. Consent. Movement. Meaning and value are there to find, but you have to build the resources to look for them. To not get swamped by the noise. To draw strength rather than fear from the gaps of silence. The music starts in the moment before the first note.

Man Behind the Curtain

When our institutions (Nations, Companies, Identities) fail us, we need to take the power away from the man behind the curtain. Small a anarchy inverts hierarchy. It recognises the danger in central decision making. The danger of lost information and distorted incentives that comes with the intentional creation of barriers to entry around wealth and information. Small a anarchy is not about creating chaos or lack of rule of law. Quite the opposite. When you empower individual decision and agreement making, you recognise and support the power of the multiple relationships that make up society. Imagine a world full of capitalists, in the sense that everyone had a buffer of cash and an engine of capital that allowed their No and Yes to be meaningful. Autonomy. Consent. This doesn’t mean people can do whatever they want. It means we are empowered to build agreements. It means a spontaneous order that has the resilience and endurance to deal with whatever comes our way. Learning. Unlearning. Contributing.

Consenting Adults

Some people like hierarchy. That’s okay. Everyone has their kinks, and anything that goes on between consenting adults is fine. It’s the consent part that bothers me. I believe in institution building, but I worry about the power of “legal people” over people. When the institution gets so big that the individuals become abstractions. Roles, categories, functions, grades. Turning people into numbers for memos to pass up to boardrooms. Particularly when the negotiating power is lopsided, and on one side there is a person “speaking for the institution” (be it a Country, Company or a The People). For markets and communities to function well, there has to be full transparency and a sense of peers working together. Otherwise it is just bullying. Using the fact that someone has limited job opportunities or capital to incentivise them to do as they are told. 

Need a Crown?

Petty Dictator

It becomes gradually harder to accept things you don’t like, as you become more empowered to not have to accept them. Having no option but to carry on forces you to suck it up. We live in an income dependent world. Nothing kills an activist like a mortgage and school fees. Obligations that override competing desires. 30-year mortgages lay some pretty clear constraints around your options. I don’t like hierarchy without enthusiastic consent. I don’t like Petty Dictators.  I don’t like having to follow instructions because there is no option to walk. No agency. Particularly when the person issuing the instruction knows that. Teams work significantly better when there is genuine respect. At a human level, when the engagement is relational rather than transactional. When there is a sense of Peers who recognise each other’s competence and goals, and are supporting each other. In an income dependent world, Capital empowers you to say “No”. To work with people rather than just do what you are told.

Bob your Botha

Cornerstone Events

Autonomy and Consent are core values of mine. I believe we all have Cornerstone Events that colour the way we view the world. I was born in Apartheid South Africa. I was 14 when it ended. At the same time, my parents (and those of many in my school class) got divorced. My work life didn’t progress on the path I wanted it to, till I made a stab at self-determination. For the last four years, my wife and I have been going through Fertility Treatment. I had two surgeries to confirm that I have no soldiers. We had three unsuccessful IVF treatments with donor sperm. Huge existential questions about kids, no kids, adoption, risks, money, success, expectations. The degree of Righteous Indignation and Saviour Complexes I carry with me stems from these Cornerstones. How do you get to the point where you feel you are living life rather than life living you? Part of Autonomy and Consent has to be Acceptance and Surrender. Some things just are. No reason. No sense to be made. Then tweaked. So that every day carries some agency. Building on the day before. Building towards the next morning. Making meaning.

Dirty Teacup

A good friend of mine loves being micro-managed. He says it means he doesn’t have the pressure of responsibility. He can just do the job to the best of his ability, as he is told, and leave at the end of the day. I hate being managed, policed, or parented. It is all good if I agree, but only without constant saying. An agreed pattern. Rule of law I accept. Like if you see a teacup that needs to go to the sink, and are about to take it, then someone tells you to take it. The stripping of autonomy grates the third of three brothers in me. I crave feedback. I like mentors. I am insatiably curious about where I could be wrong. But at the end of the day I like feeling like I am making decisions. Not over other people. I believe in reciprocity, and not expecting of others what I wouldn’t accept myself. Double Standards are a pet peeve. Consent and empowerment are the foundation of whatever agreements and approaches people prefer in a world with multiple options.

Take your cup to the sink

Turning on the Lights

A reasonable definition for Politics would be “the management of information asymmetries to get the desired outcome of a particular tribe”. I know more than you. I want something different to you. I am going to win. Whether in the staffroom, boardroom, or changeroom, if there is more than one pulse there is normally Politics. It is also very similar, however it is dressed up, because it is the balancing of competing desires. I am in favour of universal empowerment because it reduces the obligation to do stuff for people in the dark. An independently strong foundation to retreat to is a powerful underlying safety net. It empowers the word No, and in doing so, makes the word Yes more meaningful. Enthusiastic, informed consent. When things are swapped (or a thing and some money), value is created if both parties know all they need to know and are better off after the swap. If the story changes when you switch on the lights, it is not a story worth telling.

Edinburgh Torch Procession

Shining Light

Developing Autonomy

The team at GMB Fitness talk of developing Physical Autonomy through working on strength, flexibility and control. Watching them move so gracefully makes it appear as if the laws of physics apply differently to them. I started Yoga 11 years ago, yet I still have aches and pains which constrain me. I declared Financial Independence 5 years ago, yet I still have costs and pressures which constrain me. The analogies between how we engage with the world physically and financially resonate strongly. Finances aren’t about what you do, they are about how you do it. They are about movement. I love the idea of more people moving through the world with autonomy, agency, and consent. Feeling empowered to make choices. Moving with mastery. It isn’t about having the Financial Freedom to opt-out. It is about releasing the way we engage with the world from the constraints of unnecessary niggles. Then engaging with the pulse, the beat, and the flow of meaning creation.

GMB Fitness - Strength, Flexibility, Control

Build Consent

I am not worried about superior Artificial Intelligence competing against humans in Capital Allocation. This is because I don’t believe Capital allocation is a Win-Lose competition. Although it is pitched as a Zero-Sum game, by definition. Performance is measured relative to the average, so outperformance and underperformance add up to zero. Unless you are an active trader (which allows you to be outplayed), you are an owner of a slice of a real underlying business. This means nothing other than the performance of the business determines your long-term success. If you are never a forced seller. What really matters is the absolute rather than the relative performance. That can be Win-Win with the necessary self-discipline. The number one rule of investing is never be a forced buyer or seller. You do that by building breathing space. Build Buffers. Build the ability to say the words Yes and No with enthusiastic confidence and choice. Build Consent.

Informed Consent

Nothing kills an activist like work deadlines, a mortgage, and school fees. Markets work best when there is full transparency, understanding, and the intent to build a relationship. Most importantly, markets work best when there is informed consent and no regret. When sellers are not manipulative, and buyers are fully aware of the trade-offs they are making. The number one rule of wealth creation is “Never be a forced buyer or seller”. The word No is the foundation of freedom, even if we are defined by what we say Yes to. As our responsibilities grow, our fixed expenses ratchet up (because of a world where success is defined by more). Each Yes and No becomes embodied rather than a conscious choice. Ironically, it becomes harder to get a gap between income and expenses with each increase (if you expand to fill the space). We can often learn significantly more about controlling our expenses by looking at those with less than us. Those who peddle Abundance may miss the wealth creation skills of those who defeat Scarcity every day.

Be careful your expenses don't ratchet up

Unrequited Love

I went to co-ed schools up till the age of twelve. All my schooling (in the 80s and 90s) was in Westville, which is about 14km away from the Durban beachfront. Playschool was at Cygnet, and we were divided up into the Red, Blue, and Green Groups but all played together. Then when big school started, the little boys were given grey shorts and white shirts, and the girls blue dresses. We had classes together but separate playgrounds.

Once the difference between being a boy and a girl started to become obvious, I was pretty useless. I can still remember the line of the girls I (in one direction) liked. It was all very innocent, but I was still a bit of a creep. Mine isn't a love story of little boys and girls holding hands.

The only way to see the girl I liked was to run across the girls' playground. We were allowed to only because the toilets were on the other side. My ruse was pretty thin. The girls would often sit in circles talking, while the boys playground was relative chaos. I don't know how much this had to do with the choice of uniform.

When I got to Senior Primary, there was one occasion where we had to choose between Woodwork and Knitting. All the boys, bar Trev, chose woodwork. I was accused of being gay (in a very homophobic culture), which to this day I don't understand. Any rational person would know that by choosing knitting I would be getting to spend more time with the girls.

A similar situation happened with the choir. I now have a deep voice. Before it broke, I could sing higher, and was smaller, than most of the girls. Gender Apartheid would stretch to who sat where when we sang. I would again be with the girls. Although, it didn't improve my ability to speak to "them".

Circles or Football. Woodwork or Knitting. High Voice or Low Voice. Developing the skills to see each other as friends was actually quite a challenge. There was one stage when a girl's mother was a teacher. We (two boys and two girls) got to spend breaks in the library at the back of her classroom reading Afrikaans books. That isn't code, because we were incredibly well behaved, and any love felt was unrequited. Not that that stopped me trying. Oozey love letters to someone who didn't want to receive them seemed like a good idea. My crushes got a loyalty that was more curse than cute. The one girl gave the other a note she had written once, "helpful hints and tips to get rid of Trevor". From the age of 13, we went to separated High Schools. I am sure there were a few girls who breathed a sigh of relief.

I joined the Durban Youth Council when I was 16, and that was one of the first regular places where the mixing felt genuinely put aside to work on projects together. Where the girls were not only there on social occasions. Perhaps the difference was I was 16, and a little less creepy, but I still wonder about the underlying lessons we were being taught by the way things were set up.

Often I feel like unwinding some of the discussions about masculinity, femininity, gender roles, consent, expectations, obstacles needs to go quite deep. It feels almost like two parallel cultures we have built up, even though we have lived in the same spaces.

I am embarrassed about many of my trial and error lessons into figuring out the dance we play to find the person we build a life with. I am not alone. That confusion has seeped into building whole societies around gender separation. About seeing the entire other gender as a beauty/strength parade for a romanticised idea of that one relationship. Ideas built around property, protection, purity, survival, competition, success, and community. Gradually we have broken down walls, but there is some difficult building required in the rubble.

Toothy Grin, and Off to Boys' High School

Tongues and Ears

Before elections in the United Kingdom, political parties release Manifestos. These are supposed to detail the mandate they are given. In South Africa, the same happens and the party then chooses members of Parliament. In the UK, a Member of Parliament directly represents and is chosen by their constituency. The step I believe is missing is how each party, and MP, will incorporate the desires of the opposition. The current method is like a Utopia Sale followed by a fight. 'Us' gets a fat 'Them' carved out... and the carcass is left to bleed out. The heart of Democracy isn't the ballot box. It is consent. It is the feeling that the Government is about empowerment rather than control. Somehow we have empowered our tongues at the expense of our ears.

Countries, Law & Consent

Countries are legal people. International Law is the set of rules that allow agreements between countries to be binding. It requires countries to delegate authority to supranational authorities to adjudicate over disputes, e.g. International Criminal Court or the European Court of Human Rights. Most International Law is consent-based, so the countries are still in charge... they just agree to play by the rules, or not play. Like a game of touch rugby, poker, tennis or chess works better if you know the rules. Ideally the same rules apply to everyone. If the world were actual people, there would be about 200 of them. Fatties like China, with populations of 1.4 Billion, and minions like the Vatican City, with a population of about 1000. Ms Qatar would earn $127,660 a year, and Ms Central African Republic would earn $652 a year. 'The People' that make up countries don't speak with one voice, and the rules treat the 'The Peoples' differently.

Where are the people?

Where is all the money?