Stored Potential

A great survival technique is to re-remember. Always look on the bright side of life. If stuff hasn't quite gone your way, change the story. Life is a like a play. We all have different seats and are concentrating on different things on the stage. We can't look at everything and no one else can see what we can see. But no worries. Our minds are very good at filling in the gaps based on past experiences and what we want to see. Magicians, marketers and politicians depend on this fact. We build stories that let us make our way through the world.

One of those stories is our own identity. One of the greatest incentives there is, is a sense of autonomy. That we hold our identity and our destiny in our own hands. That we know a single few things better than other people do. It is why managers think we are going to be better than random at hiring someone after an interview. It is why judges think they are better than average a telling if someone is lying. It is why Gamblers think they can go on 'hot runs' in casinos when the odds mean they are still paying the casino for entertainment. Pilots and Doctors don't like it that checklists can do a better  job than they can at remembering to do the important things. We like stories that give us control.

The idea of 'from each according to ability, to each according to need' appeals strongly to our inner kind hearted activist. What grates, in my view, is if this is not a choice. Historically when systems like this have been put in place, a lot gets lost between the generation and the distribution. Incentives also become a problem because of a loss of autonomy. So we have moved more towards liberal states where more and more power is in our own hands. We don't trust giving people power over us, so we have more control. The irony is that sometimes this means we end up taking less control than we actually have. We don't, for example, need to wait for Governments to decide to sort out some of the big problems in the world. If you believe in redistribution, you don't need Government to raise taxes and do it. You can do it yourself.

The Gift Economy fascinates me. I find it strange how difficult we find it to accept help or gifts. We like an exchange. An exchange lets you feel like there is order in the world. You don't owe anybody anything. Friends tell me they prefer paying for a babysitter. If they are running late, paying a little extra makes things better. If the babysitting is free, they feel obligated to get back on time. Weddings where the couple tell you 'no gifts please, your presence is enough' leave a slightly awkward feeling. Arriving empty handed doesn't feel right. On a night out, letting someone pay for your meal or drinks feels like there is a power exchange going on. To just say 'Thank you' when someone offers help can feel very humbling.

Money isn't actually a thing. It helps us communicate that stuff has been done and creates a link that allows more stuff to get done. Money is smarter than barter. The two people exchanging don't need to need what the other is offering. They just need to want something, and have something. Supply and Demand. The Gift Economy gets more interesting. It isn't one-to-one communication. It requires a community. It requires time. The Internet and Social Media have revolutionised communication. I am really excited about what e-money may mean, because I think there is the possibility that it can re-personalise money. All money is, is a store of potential. Gaining a skill is also accumulating potential. Education is our biggest asset. Some clever people are going to figure out a way to let us communicate and coordinate our potential better. Physical money needs a catalyst. That catalyst is spending. The catalyst in a Gift economy is someone giving. It is easier to give if you know what people need, care about them and have time.

The best gifts I have received in my life have been ones where I have realised the person is paying attention. They have noticed a passing comment, or interest, and this thought has translated into something. The gift is more a reminder that I mattered enough to them to have received that time. 

Rich or poor, We all get 24 hours in a day. The gift of a slice of time is priceless.

Image: Jana Craft

Be My Guest

I have had a few friends stay with me over the last few years, but I wouldn't consider myself as coming from a culture of regular guests. In 'I Am Malala', Malala Yousafzai describes the difference in culture from her home in Swat, Pakistan. Since her shooting, her family has been relocated to Birmingham in the UK. Her mother struggles with the absence of a full home of guests. Malala grew up struggling to find space to do her homework etc. In a country where more people have their own rooms, there is space, but fewer guests. I know Malala's mothers issue is also one of being an immigrant in a country where she knows very few people and has language barriers. It did however make me think of how we have outsourced entertainment. We eat at restaurants and stay at hotels. Again, this is partly because I (like Malala's mom) am an immigrant although I don't have the language or culture barriers. If I lived where I grew up, perhaps I would still have more people just popping over and vice versa. As Global Citizens, we are all spread out and so you can't do just the half hour cup of tea visit.

I stayed with some friends last night who told me they had joined www.couchsurfing.com. They have been hosts but have not yet been guests. The idea is based on a Gift Economy. People are offered accommodation by the host. There is no expectation of anything in return. In theory, the person staying could be an uberguest and cook the host a few meals, and perhaps even do some odd jobs around the house. You can't expect anything in return otherwise that just becomes a price. How many yoga lessons or bedtime stories read equals one nights accommodation? I don't know how often uberguests actually turn up. In a market economy we are able to buy what we want. We can't buy time from friends and family though. You can't phone up a buddy and book a two week stay. You can ask. If you have the confidence, and you don't think they will feel awkward being asked. What is the etiquette when everyone thinks differently? 

The advantage of something having a fixed price is it takes haggle out of the equation. Some cultures like a little haggle, but by fixing the price polite introverts don't subsidise aggressive extroverts. It means you know you don't owe anyone anything. It was a fair exchange. The downside of prices being available for most things is we get out of the habit of asking for things where there isn't a clear equitable exchange. A 'haggle culture' presumably requires you to get comfortable at negotiations. You need to build up the confidence to ask for things you want. You need to be able to accept a no graciously. You need to be able to give a no politely.

One of my more awesome house guests stayed for about three weeks and even though I love having my own space I was very sad to see him go. I almost didn't notice he was there a lot of the time, but he seemed to magically appear when I felt like company. He cooked meals a few times and there were almost no traces that I had a guest as he cleaned up after himself. It is amazing how when you have people staying with you, their dirty dishes often rankle much more than your own. Not everyone is that awesome though. Someone told me their rule for house guests was 'First night I cook, Second night you cook, Third day is for goodbyes'. The dynamics of spending a few hours with someone are very different from spending a few days. A few weeks is a whole different story. We all have our own funny living quirks. Families have to compromise and get used to each other. Friends have the advantage of seeing each other in neutral venues if one is OCD tidy and the other is a slob.

Getting comfortable at having uncomfortable conversations may be the answer. For others, they may be quite happy just paying for whatever they want. Different strokes for different folks.

Cunningly Caring

I have known some incredibly thoughtful gift givers. What has always touched me is the fact that the giver was clearly listening. It is difficult to give a meaningful gift to someone you haven't really engaged with unless you have a cunning plan. Cunning plans are rare and often not so cunning.

I have every now and then come up with something great, but I normally try think of the gift at the last moment and rattling through my brain can't make the connections. While our brains are incredibly powerful, their storage systems aren't exactly neatly filed away. We tend to just throw stuff in there. A couple of fun books which show how to improve your memory such as 'Mind Tricks' and 'Moonwalking with Einstein' talk about the value of learning lists and then making connections just so that you can find your way to the memories that are there. It also helps you form memories quickly because as you observe something, you are able to immediately link it. We are very good at ignoring stuff we don't think is important. When you learn a new word or something comes up in a conversation you were interested in, suddenly you start noticing that word being far more common than you thought it was. A big part of having a good memory is making quick connections as soon as you observe something.

Like many things that make us happy, the need to make quick connections when we observe great gift ideas has to become a habit. I find it far easier to write my blog every day than when I was writing less frequently. This is because I am always thinking about ideas for new posts. In every conversation I have, a little note scribbler is scurrying away in my head. I think the same thing might be true for gifts. If gifts are saved for birthdays and Christmas, then you suddenly have to come up with ideas just as you remember or are reminded.

An obstacle we face with gift giving is that life seems to have become more expensive even as people have become wealthier in general. More choice. More things just out of reach. Often we stop giving birthday gifts to adults and the Christmas tree is dedicated to the kiddies just to stop wallets bleeding. I suspect the more regularly you delve into cunning plans, the less it will cost as you will be able to pick up great deals. As for Christmas being for kids. I have one word for that - 'pffffffft'. Finally, we start worrying about the commercialisation of holidays that are important to us and that takes the shine off. There is no reason we can't invent holidays of our own. I am a big fan of creating annual holidays for any particular reason that floats your boat. Perhaps like giving gifts, identifying things worth celebrating is also a great habit to form. Remembering something important that happened to someone you care about is perhaps the best value gift of all.

Pffffft - We are all just big kids

Source: OzSurfer on Sodahead