Allowing for Bull

It is worth reading the book, “How to win friends and influence people” by Dale Carnegie. The name sounds terrible. I put off reading it for years because the title seemed repulsively insecure and insincere. I was wrong. There are very valuable principles clearly articulated. One of those key ideas is building on what people say. We want feedback. But we want feedback in a way that we actually believe that the person giving it wants us to move forward. We want to feel like they are being constructive. If you are constantly niggling at someone, and tearing them down, what you are not doing, is allowing a Bull Quota. A Bull Quota is when you suspend your disbelief. Allowing a buffer for things that can distract you from the important stuff. That quota can eventually be full, but not allowing it prevents deep listening. Like when you are watching a movie. If you are intent on critiquing each word and pointing out the holes, you won’t be able to enjoy the story. Are you looking for the truth in the story? Are you even looking for something that contributes? Because everything has gaps and holes, as we clumsily try to communicate from one grasp at reality to another. Don’t live in the holes.

Don't prematurely call Bull

 

Shared Words

“Do you believe in God?” This question had an easy answer in Westville where I grew up. We had a shared vocabulary. Yes, the people who went to the Catholic Church by the Robots (Traffic Lights) at the top of Westville Road thought a little differently. But God was still an old white dude with a beard. Then schools opened up to other races and suddenly Youth Group on Friday wasn’t necessarily all my buddies cup of chai. Vocabs expanded. I moved on from Christianity, but if I ask friends I grew up with “Do you still believe in God?”, I have to be prepared for a deeper conversation. The God they likely believe in now, is not *identical* to the one I grew up with. Or at least the one *in my head*. The word doesn’t mean the same thing to everyone. The same is true in other hard conversations. We don’t have a shared meaning for the word “Racist” and “Privileged”. We do seem to have progressed to where Racist is an insult. Something no one wants to be. An accusation worthy of defence. Increased cultural understanding and cooperation is a fundamental part of wealth creation. Social Capital is the backbone of any ability to generate an income or capital. No one is self-made. Self-empowerment starts with shared words and hard conversations.

Words are Created