Unconditional Positive Regard

Unconditional Positive Regard (HT Daniel and Rolene Strauss) is the idea of giving people the benefit of the doubt at all times. When coming up with solutions, I feel like we often give excessive weight to the loud minority of skebengas. We become so keen not be taken advantage of that we intentionally limit our positive impact to avoid being a sucker. How would things be different if our default was to trust each other? Still with some limits. I call this a Bull Quota. Like suspending disbelief when watching a movie. My wife and I recently watched “Alien” again. The people were idiots. Proper idiots. But parking that, it was a good film. We can’t be so scared of free-riders and fear-mongers that they define our world. Let’s start by trusting each other.

In Space, No One Can Hear You Scream

Cutting Slack

One of my habitual sources of anxiety is the desire to “get it right”. I hate feeling like I have wronged someone – intentionally or not. In the workplace, this often led to me seeking permission by getting something right “in theory” first. The problem is theory and practice always turn out differently. Asking forgiveness (and cutting people some slack) is often far more effective than seeking permission. If we aren’t generous in our forgiveness, both to ourselves and others, it can be debilitating. A hesitancy can creep in where you feel the need to either ask first, or step back for the person (whose judgement you fear) to do it themselves. We all get things wrong. It is a fundamental part of learning, adjusting, adapting, accommodating, interpreting, and creatively dancing with what the world throws at us. The challenge is developing the skills of interpretative charity (assume people intend well) and the gift of the benefit of doubt (no one gets everything right – focus on the point people are making rather than the holes). The double challenge is being as kind to yourself as you try be to others.