Working to See

We can live very different lives, and have such varied values, that massively competing worldviews can lead us to conversations where it becomes clear we are struggling to see what the other person is seeing. If the two sets of decision-making framework have little in common. The two people might even be very close. They may even be in love. Yet they do not see the same thing even when it is in front of them. 

Hello in isiZulu is Sawubona. Directly translated, it is “I see you”. Seeing someone means you are sufficiently interested in them to do the work of understanding the building blocks of how they construct their world. Through curiosity and care, deep relationships gently unpack what words, sentences, tone, chunks of meaning, triggers and backstories, create the exchanges each person has with a shared reality interpreted differently. 

Money is a blunt tool for this. You don’t have to do the work if you measure your respect for someone by how much they charge, get paid, or own. Instead of relationships where people see each other, they can become job descriptions and conspicuous expectations. Mapping life through things you can count. Success as a life CV of achieved milestones... houses, schools, job titles. 

In truth, a really well-lived life might be difficult to express except to the person who walked with you. Except to the person who saw you.

Armenia's Symphony of Stones

Inspirational Humanity

We celebrate outliers. Record-breaking and extremes of human achievement. Those being celebrated have a combination of barriers to entry the vast majority cannot possibly overcome, and hopefully... a smidgen of humanity we can relate to. Traits we can learn from. We can recognise the pain etched sharply in the face of a lone cyclist being pursued relentlessly by the peloton. With what we are given, we can apply these lessons and make the most of it.

I like the tough love concept of accepting responsibility and avoiding blame. I also get that part of white, english-speaking, male privilege is that I get treated as an individual and have no one to blame. I am not part of any category of people that is massively disadvantaged. So I have to take responsibility, but only from a strong foundation. That is empowering. If I succeed, I am acknowledged... not my category. If I fail, it is my fault... not my category. I get seen. 

It is true that massive groups of people have disadvantages that swallow their inspirational humanity. We are grappling with how to overcome those structural barriers and see people. How do you see the humanity and potential within people who aren’t breaking records? How do we avoid and unwind the disadvantages of a category becoming so engrained, that the shadows and scars remain even when walls fall and doors open? 

Austrian Mathematician wins Gold

Bound Slave

Although building Engines is an incredibly empowering financial goal, I prefer to think like Michelangelo. The Italian sculptor would create his pieces from a block of marble, by removing rather than by adding. The final piece was trapped within the block awaiting release. One of the challenges we face given almost everyone lives hand-to-mouth (even those with big hands and big mouths) is that we end up manufacturing discontent. Money is often made by convincing someone that there is a gap between their reality and something better. That there is something wrong with their life, and by implication them, now. That the only way to achieve the success, recognition, and validation they seek is through more. I believe, and not in a fluffy that’s-so-cute way, that we can learn more from people with less. That what is often required to still the financial waves is seeing that stillness is already within your grasp. Internalising behaviours. Taking a breath. Learning to pause. Seeing versus striving. Gently chipping away at the obstacles.

"Bound Slave - known as Atlas"

Michelangelo (1530-1534)

Self-Reflection

There are things we can change. There are things we can't. Things we change are one step away from our current world view, which is why two people create change. (1) We create our own change, and (2) people who genuinely see us, help us change. Reality is a controlled hallucination. Our minds combine what we have taken in from the world, and piece it together slowly through trial and error. That process never jumps. It can't. It can only combine things that are there. In our head. In our heart. My things are not your things, and so you can't change them. Unless you see them, because then they become your things too. That is when things change. If you want someone to change, they have to be part of you. You have to be part of them. See.

Conversation

I love conversation. When I am chatting to someone about something we both care about. I used to love debate, but I am less and less fond of two people trying to find holes in each others arguments. Partly because I think we are so bad at expressing ourselves. If you look for holes, you will find them. First, you should look for what the person is saying, why they are saying it, and where you have common language. That is why I prefer conversation. It isn't about defeat. It is just two people, without fear, exploring an idea. In Afrikaans, they call that a Kuier. It requires time and desire. There is no other way to truly see someone. There is no other way to connect.

Coffee and Conversation

Actionless Action

Swimming with, rather than against the currents. It is not a fight. There is no trying. Letting go of ideological demands of where we want things to be. Accepting where things are. Not passively. Seeing and responding to the true demands of the situation. Taking the steps that are natural, easy, desired, and inevitable. Flow is the point of engagement where we are pushing ourselves, but not anxious. It comes with engagement, curiosity, focus and connection to things as they are. It comes with a release of awareness of our self-conscious separation from what is going on around us. 'Through gentle persistence and a compliance with the specific shape of a problem, an obstacle can be worked round and gradually eroded.' (Wu Wei - The Book of Life)