Glitch

Even if we could make purely rational decisions, what would that even mean? Not everything can be counted and quantified. This is the challenge. With pure rationality, there are rules of logic. Rules like prioritising and comparing. Creating relative preference. If I prefer apples to oranges, and I prefer oranges to pears, then I can infer that I prefer apples to pears. If you remember your preferences and they are consistent. Our memory is glitchy. Which is useful. It is useful to be able to forget things. To change the story. It is one of the ways we cope. If something is not working for us, we get to rewrite the story. If we could never forget and things were purely factual, that would be a debilitating glitch. So somehow we need to establish how well we want to understand ourselves. Do you want to do the work? It is hard to be honest. It is emotionally challenging. You need to build up the necessary skills to self-reflect. It is not simply allowing harsh internal voices. You need to feel that you are on your own team, in the same way as when we work with other people.

Glitches can be useful

Healthily Selfish

You are no use to anyone if you crack. You are not loving the people who love you, if you don't look after yourself. Somewhere in between being dysfunctionally selfish, and dysfunctionally selfless lies the Golden Mean. Be a Half-Hearted Fanatic. Detaching from things ironically allows you to care about them more. Knowing that nothing defines you completely, means nothing can't be walked away from or towards. Equally, nothing can be completely walked away from or towards. Life throws endless challenges at us. We cope. Coping and thriving defines us. Looking in. Looking out. Looking after.

Afterthought

Somewhere between narcissism and self-negation, sits self-care. We over-simplify into Good and Bad. Our stories, conversations and play all reinforce the things that make us work better together. One of the things that made us work better together in a world of scarcity is hard work. Effort. The ability to prioritise and focus on things that add explicit, demonstrable value. To avoid things that are indulgent. Self-care is mostly internal. Proper exercise. Proper diet. Proper relaxation. Proper breathing. Constructive and caring thought patterns. None of this is externally obvious. We can't see the growth. We can't count it. So we don't prioritise it. Every day, we get up and go to work. Till we can't because we haven't looked after ourselves. Self-care is not indulgent. It shouldn't be an afterthought.

Holding your Breath

South Africa has a deeply rooted meat-eating culture. A 'Boy's Braai' consists of meat, beer, and breadrolls - chicken is considered the salad. The vegetables are often an afterthought with 'what are we eating tonight?' answered with Chicken, Fish, or Steak. So the veg is not the spicey delights served up in the East. 'Eating your veg first' is an analogy for delayed gratification. Do the hard thing first, then you can have the nice bit. Not just a Saffa belief. Pink Floyd's version is 'If you don't eat yer Meat, you can't have any pudding'.

Do the hard thing first. Man up. Tough love. There are stories of Wolraad and Racheltjie to inspire people to stop whining and get on with it. 'n Boer maak 'n plan (a Farmer makes a plan) suggesting that complaining gets nothing done. Australia is also big on this kind of hard life mentality (Check out Chopper Reid). Taking responsibility even for things that aren't your fault.

Even the Bible throws its two cents in with 1 Corinthians 13:11, "When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things."

Ask Bobby Skinstad, Sport is well-supplied with back-pocket clichés like 'commeth the hour, commeth the man', 'putting your hand up', 'stand up and be counted', and 'put your body on the line'. Match after match through school, various coaches and captains will have practiced their very best Braveheart renditions.

Somewhere between self-obsession and self-negation, lies self-care. Somewhere between the victim, and the hero. It doesn't come naturally, and hasn't had years of good movies, funny banter, and motivational speeches to back it up. It feels indulgent and soft. Even knowing looking after yourself is important, doesn't make it feel right. It feels like chickening out.

What it leads to is a mass of people holding their breath. We look at everything that needs doing, and never pause. Faster. Better. Higher. Stronger. More. Now.

We should make time to occasionally pick up childish things... otherwise the pudding will be finished should we ever get there.