Cease the Panic

Relaxation is deeper than “not doing anything”. The deepest of relaxation is far from passive. In Wu Wei (Action through Inaction), they call this De/德 (pronounced “duh”) which is also translated as "inherent character/inner power/integrity/moral character/virtue/morality”. 

There is very much engagement with the world, but you are exuding a presence that seems to “get it”. A detachment from the noise. A true mastery that sees the world as full of beauty even in the face of challenges, and still draws energy from the wonderful opportunity that we have got to engage and be a part of it in all its bitter, cruel, joyous, invigorating, hammering, claustrophobic, harassing, confusing glory. 

The depth of relaxation starts to emanate from you when you are able to cease panicking about the mystery. When you stop feeling like you are being played by malicious chaos. I immediately think of Dr Sooliman of “Gift of the Givers” whose wife tells him he is an alien because of his ability to detach. He has been facing the world’s disasters head-on for three decades, and yet it is hard not to feel more relaxed in his infectious presence.

"The Expression of Emotion in Man and Animals"

Charles Darwin (1872)

Not About Me

There is danger in mastery. In having control. 

The world is complicated, ambiguous, and random. The confidence that comes with control radiates in a way that is impressive. In the same way as people identify with their jobs, they can also identify with “being impressive”. Being respected. Being in charge. 

Warren Buffett talks about being aware of a clearly defined “circle of competence”. Being aware of the danger of the halo effect. Where mastery tends to leave a leakily positive impression in areas where that mastery doesn’t exist. 

In Yoga, mastery of specific abilities developed through intense practice are called Siddhis. These can appear supernatural or magical. Developing Siddhis is dangerous if you identify with them. Over-identifying with something that separates you from other people. It makes it harder to detach and look at waves of anxiety as not being about you. 

Every wave poorly handled can bring your world crashing down. Every conversation can be about you. Your problems. Your solutions. Self-worship. 

A powerful way of getting through waves is “this is not about me”.

Brain Waves

Classe Debutant

If you were incredibly small, and you came up to a little drop of water, it would be a huge bubble. We were about three feet tall when we were two years old. We were surrounded by people bigger than us. I am six feet tall now. I like imagining being surrounded by twelve-foot adults running around protecting us. 

I did my first ski lesson on the holiday my now wife proposed to me. I saw little kids being picked up by the adults as they were about to go into a snowbank. Swooping in to the rescue. When I was about to go into the snowbank, no twelve-foot adult came swooping in. 

Once we become adults, we build in our own protections and ways of making sure consequences are not too grave. We carry on.

We build our own set of congnitive biases that help us relax. Biases help us make decisions quickly so we don’t have to think of every snowbank. We can just ski. That is what mastery is all about. When you trust your capacity to engage with the world and get to a level that is intuitive, the anxiety falls away.

Soutie learns to Ski

 

Surface Waves

Stilling the waves of money anxiety starts small. Like building relief from a storm when you have no shelter. The goal is simply to get dry and warm. If you can build a buffer of three to six months of what you normally spend, you start to create the capacity to make some path-altering decisions. You build a capacity to cope. You increase your control and focus. “You” increase it, but really it is the power of the buffer/capital. It is the same you. Just empowered. Similarly, yogis talk about Siddhis. Siddhis are seemingly supernatural, paranormal, or magical powers obtained through regular practice. In other words, mastery. But they are dangerous. Other people might elevate you and you might start believing that elevation. It is nice getting recognition. And that sets you up for the waves of anxiety to return. Real meritocracy is a call to see the value of people and their connection to each other through the waves. Building buffers and capital to power us without building barriers to divide us.

Stilling the Waves