Kissing Babies

We have a natural limit on how much we can interact with the world. Unlike the Artificial Intelligence that is being developed to drive cars, we can only be aware of one thing at any specific moment. We can divide and shift our attention, but it still means we are moving from one thought to another. No two thoughts can exist at the exact same time. The reason learning to meditate is so powerful is because it is developing the ability not to jump from thought to thought. To still the mind and focus.

Extend this further and we end up having to develop the ability to communicate what we are doing. The most powerful person in the world can still only think of one thing at a time. They are completely reliant on the ability of others to communicate (and do) whatever else is going on. The problem becomes that, without trust, a lot of time ends up being spent on the communication part. Communication is ridiculously hard because it relies not only on the message but also on the context in which that message is received. We hear differently. We react differently. We interpret differently.

Rather than communicating, we may wish to choose someone we trust to represent us. This is true in terms of front line decisions and the 'employees bosses hire' and big picture decisions and the 'politicians voters hire'. Without trust, you can end up almost permanently on the campaign trail. We see it most obviously in the reality TV show that is the American election cycle with almost two years in every four dedicated to the communication (entertainment) part. Before we get too critical, there are two other places where we do exactly the same thing.

Politicians Kissing Babies

In the workplace, a huge amount of time is spent trying to communicate about what we are doing. You can't just diligently get on with your job unless you work in a role where outcomes are quantifiable, visible and regular. If you work in a job where subjective creativity, knowledge and personal interaction are involved it may be nearly impossible for anyone to understand what you are doing or the value you are adding without direct engagement. What ends up happening is people effectively have to 'look busy' or engage in other means of self promotion. If you aren't good at marketing yourself, how will you get the recognition you deserve?

The second example is in the home. In 'Thinking Fast & Slow', Daniel Kahneman talks about the phenomenon of household chores. Ask each family member how much they contribute as a percentage. It will add up to well more than 100%. Why? Because we are only aware of the chores we do. If you do the washing, pop it in the tumble dryer, iron it, fold it and put it in the cupboard - the house is wonderful and clean. In other words, it is not noticeable. Instead, Day 1: Wash and hang in the lounge. Day 2: iron and put in piles on the dining room table. Day 3: Pack into the cupboards. The second method is a much better political campaign.

Whether a politician, a colleague, or family member, we end up spending a lot of time dealing with the fact that we are limited to our own view of the world. Unless we build, earn, give and accept trust.

Sneaky Stuff

Objects carry meaning for us. We like them when we buy them, but after we have had experiences with them they carry some sort of mystical attachment which we find hard to let go of. We wrap objects with authentic stories. We make objects holy. All this pleasure we get from extending our story into the physical world makes nesting very appealing. I have been nesting in the same place for 6 years and have been attempting to purge over the last couple of weeks. 6 years isn't that long, you'd think. I also think I don't tend to buy lots of things. Yet the bags after bags of trips to the charity store would suggest otherwise.

Some of the stuff has been easier to part with that others. Clothes is one example. I have far more than I need. Some get worn over and over till they really shouldn't be worn any more and others with less attachment sit in the cupboard virtually untouched. These new'ish and not regularly worn shirts were easy to add to the out pile. Less easy were some of my favourites.  One of those is a green and gold Madiba T-Shirt from global teez at the waterfront in Cape Town. There is something about living outside South Africa that makes South Africans wear clothes that identify them as Saffas more. Whatever the reason, I love popping my head into that store whenever I am back to see if anything grabs me. A friend asked me to get him the Madiba shirt but it was never in - so instead he got JouMa. It suited him because he tried to imitate the picture at his wedding after a hockey incident. Unsurprisingly, his wife insisted on false teeth. 

It is time to say goodbye to the T-Shirt. And to a whole bunch of mugs. I am a bit of a memory hoarder. That is fine, but when the memories start mutating into things it can get a little silly. I had a cupboard full of these mugs. This is particularly dangerous when you consider the limitless tidiness challenges I am trying to conquer. Sinks full of mugs, and mugs scattered around the house. Perhaps mugs should be like the highlander. There can be only one.

Friends of mine do a '40 bags in 40 days' purge each year. Each day they need to fill a bag that has to go. The husband gets an embarrassed look when the story gets told saying that he wishes they just didn't collect that much stuff in the first place. They do have an excuse with a houseful of 4 kids but stuff is very very sneaky. We keep a lot just 'in case'. Beyond the price tag, there are also the less obvious hidden costs. Not just the use others could have got from the hoard, but the energy sapping drag it is when you eventually decide to pack up or move!

Full Nana

One of my favourite movie scenes of all time comes from 'Limitless'. Able to see the world clearly for the first time, (almost) the first thing Eddie Morra does is tidy his flat. The scene is awesome, and whenever I decide things have descended a little too far in my living environment, belting out The Black Keys soundtrack from the movie gets me going. 

The sad truth is that while I am not the most useless cleaner in the world, I leave a lot to be desired. In my gap years between school and university I worked as a waiter and a porter for a while during the summer holidays of the school I was teaching at. On one occasion I was tasked with cleaning the glass of the display cabinets. I took ages, and on inspection my job still wasn't good enough. All I was doing was cleaning glass! Surely it is not that complicated? My cross line manager felt the same.

Cleaning can't possibly be a Usain Bolt style inborn talent. There have to be tricks to the trade. The problem is you often only get to do things once or twice and that isn't really the way to learn. It is a good thing many of us don't have to get subjected to army conscription. The tales I hear from my parents generation though is that that is where you really learnt to iron, make beds and peel potatoes.

Source: http://www.maccclean.co.uk/ironing-service/

Until deciding to go down the learning and blogging route and leaving my job, I have always felt very justified in getting help to do cleaning. I love a clean house, but cleaning isn't exactly my idea of a favourite way to relax when I wasn't working. I also figured I was 'contributing to the economy' by getting someone else to do the cleaning for me. My working time would be better suited to focus on my qualifications.

There is some truth to that. There isn't enough work to go around. When you are working full days in an office, cleaning can become a real bitterness inducing grudge chore. So paying someone else does seem a reasonable 'win win' solution. It does leave you as a less than complete human being though in terms of some pretty basic self-sufficiency skills. I have heard stories of high powered CEOs retiring and not knowing how to buy jam. They hadn't been in a shop for decades. Cleaning can actually be fun if you aren't in a rush and can add a touch of silliness.

Washing dishes can be fun if you add a little silliness to the mix

Embarrassingly simple tasks become something we just don't know how to do. I have a friend who defines cleaning in fractions of a Nana. His Grandmother was the Usain Bolt of cleaning. A full Nana is something equivalent to an end of tenancy deep clean of the home. The only way I could do a full Nana to his standards would be to buy a new build home. He regularly laughs at me when I ask him about simple domestic cleaning things that I have no idea about. I reckon I have trained myself up to about quarter Nana level when I have Black Keys belting out.

I like practical solutions to issues of happiness. I like the idea that if things aren't going well, you should start with the basics. Are you exercising? Are you eating right? Are you making time for proper relaxation? How is your breathing? Are you thinking positively? Then you can move onto more complicated things like building quality relationships and finding something you are good at that challenges you.

Before you do any of that. Clean up.