Kids and Mortgages

Bosses love it when a Breadwinner buys a house and has a baby. There is nothing that kills activism like a roof and a kid. If you are living hand-to-mouth, both a mortgage and a child share the characteristics of a long-term fixed financial commitment. In the UK, you can even get 35 year mortgages. Some kids don't leave home till 35. 

Salaries also have bond like commitments. Particularly if there is a 'job-for-life' culture. If you work in a job where you have to do something pretty bad to get fired, and the company doesn't take too many risks. This means you can match a job to the life-style you have become accustomed to.

As the Breadwinner, you become a vital cog in the wheel. It is the reason people take out life-insurance. Since if you die, it isn't only an emotional loss. If you die without insurance, the people under the roof will have a big problem.

The rules are different for people with Engines. If you have an investment that earns more (on average) than you spend - you can take more chances. There is nothing stopping you from working. The story is just slightly different. If you want to retrain and do something else. You can. If you want to take a chance at starting a new business. You can. If you want to stay at home with the kids and dog. You can.

Obligation is a great incentive. Sometimes you just do what you have to do. For most people in the world, this is what drives our decisions. Get a job. Pay the bills. Provide. There is however another option. Gradually you can build up a Buffer. If you can get a gap between your spending and your income. If you can put that money to work. If you can let it grow.

Beyond Financial Security is Freedom. Beyond Freedom is Fulfilment. Fulfilment is a better incentive than obligation.

Child Mortality

Child mortality is like a thermometer for the general health of a society. It is just one number, but in order for it to go down, a lot of things have to be going well. In most industrialised countries, less than 5 children per 1,000 don't reach their 5th birthday. As the world has become richer, and more people have shifted from absolute poverty to middle income, this incredibly harsh trauma has visited fewer and fewer of us. It is easy to get caught in the negativity of daily news. This is slow (rather than breaking) news that has taken 200 years and fundamentally changed almost all of our lives. It is worth celebrating. The country with the worst child mortality in 2013 (Angola) has half the child mortality of the country with the best in 1800 (Belgium). More than 30% of children in Belgium in 1800 did not live till their 5th birthday. The global average has reduced from 43.3% to less than 3.4%. It is worth celebrating.

ukuphindaphinda

Enye yeendlela iindlela abantwana bafunda ngazo, kukuphindaphinda. Bazokopisha abazali babo nootitshala. Amagama nezenzo ziphindaphinda ngokuphindaphindiweyo njengomdlalo. Ukuqonda akukho, kodwa bafundisa imizimba yabo. Imizimba yabo iyazuza ukuqonda ngendlela. Xa ndizama ukufunda iSiXhosa, andizange ndikwazi ukuphinda ndiphinde ndiyidlale. Into endiyibonayo inegama lesiNgesi eliqhotyoshelweyo. Iimvakalelo zesiNgesi. Ngcamango zesiNgesi. Andikholelwa ukuba ukufunda iilwimi malunga nokukwazi ukuguqulela igama elinye. Ngokuphathelele ukwakha iwebhu yokuqonda. Ukufumana imibuzo emihle. Ukusebenzisa ukungaqondi, kodwa ukhululekile kunye nokungahambi kahle kokufunda.

umBubble Wam

Ndiyathemba ukuba, ngokwandisa umBubble wam, nokwenza iimpazamo ezininzi, ndinokususa ezinye izithintelo ezithintele ukuba ndibone. Ukhuphiswano luyanyanzeleka njengabantu abadala. Siva ngathi kufuneka siqinisekise ukuba sifanele sihlale esihlalweni. I-Hereditary Status sasimisa abantu ukuzama kwiindawo abazikhethileyo. I-Meritocracy yayifanele iwanike umntu ithuba. Esikhundleni saloo ndawo, ithatha indawo yokuba 'wazi indawo yakho' 'ngokufumana indawo yakho'. Impumelelo. Zombini zimbi. Sinika abantwana ithuba. Siyabathanda nantoni na eyenzayo. Ngokukhawuleza, xa siba ngabantu abadala, uthando kunye nentlonipho ziyaxhomekeka. Ubudlelwane buvakalelwa ngathi bahlala besengozini yokuwahlukana. Ndifuna ukukhululeka ngakumbi ngokungakhathaleli loo mngcipheko. Ukuvulela iimpazamo kunye nokungakwazi. Ngenxa yokuba sifunda apho.

Generous Forgetfulness

Raising kids seems to be a form of adapted warfare. But where you genuinely love your enemy. I have only ever been an innocent bystander. Able to give them sugar and hand them back. Pull a funny face. Then retreat. More like a sniper than hand to hand combat. Watching 'Band of Brothers' felt like a more genuine dramatisation of what war is like. Not the constant action of most big explosion action movies. More like long periods of boredom salted with absolute fear and panic. As an outsider, the most challenging part of raising kids looks to me like the long periods of patience required. Long. Where if you hand out sugar, you deal with the consequences. So you keep it to Easter and special occasions. You ration.

What is most impressive about most of the people I have seen making their way through this process is the 'strategic thinking'. Being able to focus on the winning the war and not each battle. As adults, I think we often take interactions with people to be an insight into who they are. We look for patterns. We look for cause. For intent. For the story. With children, the story is still being written and so they hop from utter and complete devastation, to a giggle, to a burst of energy, to a collapse, to being nasty, to being kind, to being funny. They even have the ability to reflect back behaviours as a form of feedback. A friend told me that being with her kids has taught as much as she is teaching them through seeing them interact. Seeing how relationships are built. Unconditional love. Forgiveness. Time. Even the bits they will never remember form a core of the relationship.

The biggest transferable lesson I have learnt from my friends and family who are raising the next generation is to not add too much story to every event. Not to see patterns where they aren't there. To be able to see battles as battles, not wars.

To always keep a store of smiles, jokes, hugs, tickles, spins and kisses. To be generous with our forgetfulness.

Character and personality also exists outside patterns.

We are defined by every event.