Moving with Grace

It’s not all about you. Part of letting go of anxiety is not feeling like you are being judged in each and every moment. Where your waves of worry are about real problems, rather than perceptions of you. 

When you decide to start paying attention beyond the boundary of yourself, and connect to more, it is a bit of an existential crisis with no clear answer. At least worrying about yourself has very skin and bone constraints! 

Philosophers like William MacAskill and Peter Singer look at effective altruism in a world where we have to think about constraints. Resources aren’t abundant. Opportunities aren’t abundant. Scarcity is real, and scarcity puts up prices and creates walls. Abundance is free and open. 

What is a reasonable amount to consume? How should we think about other people who don’t have enough? Capital provides a foundation and starting point that changes the game. If you stop living hand-to-mouth, and you build up capacity to think long term. 

Moving from day-to-day, to week-to-week, to month-to-month, to year-to-year, to the point where your short-term decisions are connected and constructive. Where you can absorb difficult times, learn from them, and respond in an empowered way. 

Where you move through life with an additional level of grace not available to those who are being flung around by the elements.

moving through and with the elements

Broad Framing

Every day we are presented with choices. We have a set of eyes and ears, a nose, a tongue, a whole body of touch sensitive skin, a mind, and thousands of relationships. We are aware. We absorb information. We are conscious. We act. But we cannot keep everything in mind when we do. What we experience soaks deep. Influencing the embodied way in which some choices become automatic. Memories, beliefs, arguments, loved ones, goals and desires disappear from our peripheral vision. Still, we choose. In “Thinking, Fast and Slow”, Daniel Kahneman uses 'Narrow Framing' to describe the way we tend to see each decision in isolation. They become life defining in our mind. 'Broad Framing' incorporates the context of all the other decisions. 'If you need to take care of something, the worrying will make you less rather than more effective' says Tyler Cowen. Broadening the frame gives things their proper place and stills the waves of worry.

"The Frame" Frida Kahlo

Erinnerung

The French word for worried is inquiet. The German word for memory is erinnerung. More thesaurus than foreign if you look at the substance. Jonathan Haidt talks about the Elephant and the Rider. Daniel Kahneman talks about thinking fast and slow. What is it that we take from the conscious level and soak into our inners? Is there a quiet focus or a noisy angst? Haidt points out that the Elephant is in control, and the Rider just gives suggestions. Our conscious slow thoughts are the things we sit with. The things we dwell on. The things we chew. The training we follow. The Rider can train the Elephant by being conscious of the things we do every day. The habits. The scripts. The rhythms. The beat. The Elephant will listen to words that are whispered consistently and over a long period of time. Through a process of bringing in. Erinnerung.

Soaking

Escape the Concertina

There are levels of relaxation. Usually we just touch the surface. Weekends and Holidays are often “Concertina Leave”, where the work squishes up on either side. A rush to finish. A pile to clear. If you have a worry work job, it comes home with you. It sleeps with you. It looks at you in the mirror. Yoga talks of three levels of relaxation: physical, emotional, and spiritual. There is a long-term nature involved that can’t simply respond to the often irritating and counter-productive request to, “Relax!”. Physical relaxation requires the stretching and strengthening of your body. Not just switching off. It is a lifestyle. A practice. Not an event. Emotional relaxation is hard when there are niggles and knots in your muscles. Emotional relaxation is stilling the mind. Having perspective, and the focus to channel your energy where it is creating the meaning you want. Spiritual relaxation is letting go of that constant measuring and angst of who we are. It is letting go of the rat race and focusing on something bigger. It is truly understanding what really matters to you.

Concertina Leave

Need Containers

Money is a coordination tool, like words and numbers. Money is blunt. But it is better than barter because it reduces the necessity for a chance encounter, where two people have exactly what the other needs. Unfortunately, money needs containers. There is a layer of secrecy required to protect your ability to be the one who solves a specified group of people’s problems (your clients). In German, “Don’t worry” translates as “Mach dir keine Sorgen”. Don’t make cares/anxiety. Much of money-making is exactly that. If a client is happy without you, or can solve the problem themselves… they don’t need you. Money making requires the building of need containers. Money is Smarter Barter, but it could get smarter still. What we need to do is genuinely and clearly articulate, and match, skills and knowledge with existing (rather than created) problems. Money that can listen. Money that doesn’t cut you loose if you solve a problem permanently, without creating another.

artist: Alex Rennie

Anxiety

Anxiety comes when we don't feel we have the skill necessary to meet the challenges we are facing. That, or we don't have the skill to meet ALL the challenges we are facing at the same time. 'It never rains, it only pours'. House moves, job moves, country moves, relationship changes, children, more children, no children, lost children - can all come at once. The way I experience anxiety is thoughts spinning in my head. Thoughts that don't progress. Just the same thought, again and again. The tension often moves to my muscles - tight shoulders, sore back, headaches. Anxiety for me is a complete loss of any sense of control. It isn't a solution, I still get anxious, but I find the five points of yoga quite helpful as an answer to, 'I just don't know what to do'. Back to basics - proper exercise, breathing, diet, relaxation and trying to still that spinning by calming the thoughts. Trying to press pause just long enough to get back up again. We cope.

Broad Framing

Every day we are presented with choices. We have a set of eyes and ears, a nose, a tongue, a whole body of touch sensitive skin, a mind, and thousands of relationships. We are aware. We are conscious. We act. But we can't keep everything in mind when we do. Memories, beliefs, arguments, loved ones, goals and desires disappear from our peripheral vision. Then we choose. 'Narrow Framing' describes the way we tend to see each decision in isolation. We worry. We think each second will be life defining. 'Broad Framing' takes each decision in the context of all the other decisions. Everything is important, but almost nothing is worth worrying about. 'If you need to take care of something, the worrying will make you less rather than more effective' (Tyler Cowen). Broadening the frame gives things their proper place and helps decrease worry.

See 'Thinking Fast and Slow' by Daniel Kahneman for more on Narrow & Broad Framing