Own Silence

A danger with the idea that meritocracy works at an individual level, rather than a hand wavy “life is unfair, but you can progress from where you are” way... is that we can take the decisions people make about *us* too seriously. Whether you get a job. Whether you get a promotion. How big your bonus is. Whether someone recognises and understands the work you are doing. 

The strong temptation is to self-reinforce. To lean into the conspicuous. Separating our identity and the problems we are working on is a hard practice. 

We all want to do well. Which make measures of success feel like they are measuring who we are. Which can be a spiralling, relative, search for recognition. Imposter syndrome means most people are constantly self-judging. 

Aging does help you realise there are no real adults in the room, and everyone is just doing the best they can. Michelle Obama was asked how she managed the stress at being at a table with people that were very impressive. Chief Executives and Presidents are all just people with their own insecuritities. “They are not that smart”, she realised... as a different way of realising that “you are smart enough”. 

Some people get jobs due to connections... marriage, inlaw’s friends, birth, friend of a friend. Some people fake the right skill well to the right person at the right time. 

Even the people who are amazing at their jobs, are also useless at other things. Normal people who sleep, eat, and get confused. We don’t have access to what is going on in other people’s heads. 

Silence can appear like confidence. Our own silence is more raw.

"The Art of Silence" (1911)

Odilon Redon

Wrestling with Ideas

A good idea is not enough. Bringing a thought to reality is a complex coordination problem that requires time, resources, and connection. I have wrestled long and hard with my inner idealist and pragmatist. Learning which battles to pick. Learning the art of silence. Learning when good intent actually escalates conflict. Learning when there is no need or value in defending myself or my beliefs. And when there is. I find it interesting that in stories of the old sages, the wise old hermits that get consulted seldom do more than ask ambiguous questions. As if those who know the most are those who see the humour in it all. In my utopia, my understanding of the world is not forced on others. I am an anarchist in that way. My ideal relationships are peer to peer. But I am not submissive, and am resistant to those who wish to dominate without consent. A dance between protecting my good ideas, and letting them go enough for them to influence reality.

 

Deafening Silence

For any business, but particularly a small business, a hiring decision is a big decision. Meeting Payroll is the primary stress of most owners I know. The caricature of fat cats is not one that resonates with my experience. Rational people will work at big Institutions where their contribution is amplified by the success of those who have come before. Most small businesses are in the survival period before significant growth kicks in. It is long term belief in potential growth that keeps the owner going. The most successful entrepreneur I have met said it took him 7 years post pulling the trigger to earn what he was getting as a salary man. And he was the definition of an outlier jumping over aligned stars. The rational approach is to be an underconfident overachiever and let someone else stress over payroll. A salary is like a bond. You are lending your labour to the owner in exchange for a predictable, consistent, income. But that income is normally pass-the-parcel. The owner has to get the money to pay you from the customer. To commit to the risk that the customer will be there. Even Big Institutions can over commit to how many parcels they can pass. Going to zero is a reality when the music stops. Silence is deafening.

Finding a Moment

The breakthroughs in new fields tend to come from young people. In established fields, there is normally a vast sea of knowledge to conquer before you get to the edge. If you want to contribute by pushing the boundary further, you have to specialise. You have to focus. The contributions tend to come from people who dedicate their lives to something very particular. Their circle of competence shrinks as they go deeper and deeper. They reach the frontiers later in life. The question is then whether they are able to send the message back in a way that lay people will understand. In a way that makes their adventure, our adventure.

It doesn't matter how smart you are, you have a human brain with human constraints and 24 hours in the day. We all let go of things in order to specialise. We make choices. We can't do everything. My concern with this is that we aren't very good at keeping in mind all the things that are important to us. We aren't very good at prioritising, and being pulled back to the things that matter. In a world that requires specialism and a shrinking circle in order to contribute, my worry is that we let go of basic competence at life. 

In order to specialise, we need to delegate tasks. We need to be selectively ignorant. Okay with not knowing how to do certain things, because other people can do them better. We get better and better at the things we are good at, and that is seductive. Being a beginner is confusing. There is anxiety involved. There are lots of people who can judge you. The better you get, the fewer people there are who know more. It can feel safe to be in a spot where no one can give you rubbish. Where you are the rubbish giver. You can walk confidently.

But there are lots of areas of basic life you can't delegate. Relationships. Physical Health. Mental Health. There are lots of things where it isn't about being the best. It is simply about being competent. Being able to do simple household chores. Being able to make a meal. The nuts and bolts of life. Without which nothing else matters.

I have just returned from two weeks in Marrakech. It was my first decent stay in a Muslim Country for any significant period. Five times a day the call to prayer would sound. Sunrise, Mid-day, Mid-Afternoon, Sunset and in the Evening. For many their day would continue. But as the sound spread over the city, it was a moment to recall the things that are important. I find that idea powerful. If 5 times a day, we stopped whatever we were doing for just a minute. Closed our eyes and remembered what mattered.  

I grew up a religious little guy. One of the things we were encouraged to do was 'Quiet Time'. To wake up a little earlier. Find a quiet place to sit or walk to, read a little bit of the Bible, and then spend some time in prayer. Yogis talk of the quiet period just before sunrise (4-5 am) as an especially good time to sit in silence. Stripping away religious additions, I think carving out time, even moments, in the day for stillness is a useful habit to form.

When I do that, the things that matter most aren't complicated. They aren't near the edge. They are close and they are shared.

Marrakech, Morocco