Boxing for Respect

When relationships are transactional, there is a need for conspicuous action in order to earn respect. 

Like insisting that someone does half the chores. Famously, in most relationships if you ask everyone what percentage of the chores they do, it always adds up to more than 100%. We know what we do. We only see what is conspicuous from others. 

When you have to box for respect, there is a temptation to indulge in destructive behaviour. If you don’t get recognised, you may tear the other person down, “I don’t think your choices are all that fantastic”. Or you have to pump yourself up, “I am actually quite a big deal.” 

To release yourself from this wrestling match, there is a need to internalise your own sense of value. To let go of the need to be a conspicuously productive asset. To let go of the constant call to prove yourself to other people, particularly if it is conflicting with your own values. 

Then your choices can become relational. There is no scorecard. There are no metrics. You give (and receive) without measure.

Ancient Greek Boxers

Cotton Wool Focus

Tacit Knowledge is understanding we have that we are unable to write down or verbalise. Embodied knowledge. Relational knowledge. It is information that is only available to those who do the work themselves. It can’t be communicated to managers. Being good at something isn’t the same thing as knowing why you are good at something. Often, we end up attributing the “merit” to anything that is easy to count. Even if we acknowledge that there is so much noise that the numbers need to be treated carefully (this excuse is normally used when the numbers are bad). As organisations get bigger, you can get a separation between the clients and where management think the value is added. The intention is good. Cotton wool focus. In reality, a direct relationship with the client is the value added. Every layer is a distraction. Every layer loses focus. Otherwise client facing staff simply become a shield for bad performance.

Double Standards

Consistency is a great thinking tool. If you believe “A” and “not A”, you can’t believe them in the same room. I used to think you can’t be intelligent and racist. But then I read about Dr.Death. The cardiologist and former head of Apartheid South Africa’s chemical and biological warfare project. You can believe contradictory things if you switch off part of your brain. That is why Double Standards grate me so much. Business can encourage a brutal offswitch for seeing people as people. It can encourage “tough decisions” that impact people more than the business. Often those standards don’t work both ways. You don’t see people higher up the chain of command falling on their swords. When the numbers support the argument, they are used. When the numbers don’t support their argument, the Defence Attorney and Public Relations Officer replace the Scientist at the Q&A session. The business becomes a church. The danger with numbers, is there are always other numbers.