Circle of Security

Getting comfortable with discomfort is necessary to still waves of anxiety. The ability to enjoy the challenge comes from a degree of internal security. While constantly confused, I have a high degree of self-confidence, not that I have the solution but in myself. 

This doesn’t spare me from impostor syndrome or projecting my noisy internal committee as a filter for other people’s comments. Rather, it is a place I can return to. 

Attachment Theory talks of a “Circle of Security”. The infant learns that their primary caregivers are responsive and dependable, which creates a secure base for the child to explore the world. As children venture out, they know there is someone to watch over, delight in, help, and enjoy their curiosity. When things go wrong, there is a safe haven to return to for protection and comfort. Someone to help organise the child’s feelings and get them ready to venture out again. 

This kind of security doesn’t pretend to have answers. It is not “fake it till you make it”. It is, “you have made it, you are enough... so ask questions!”. 

That empowers the ability to experience life as one big trial and error experiment, where what matters most is never at risk. Where no one decision is overwhelming. Where consequences are manageable. Where no single moment defines your life. Instead moments connect to each other, and difficulty can be unwound (with work) and re-ordered.

Connected Time

I stepped away from working in the corporate world in 2014. The initial plan was to scale back my expenses and live conservatively off my invested capital. To focus my time and energy on things that were abundant and low-priced (like reading, writing, and spending time with people). 

I became a universal basic income activist. Understanding the concept of “giving money directly”, and cutting out the expense involved in giving advice and imposing your world view. As Rutger Bregman says, “Poverty is not a lack of character, it is a lack of cash” (See “Utopia for Realists”). 

What we all need is a solid foundation to work from with a lack of fear. Like attachment theory with child psychology. Healthy kids are happy to explore, because they know they have somewhere safe to go back to when they get hurt. 

Each time something goes wrong, their confidence increases, because they know they will be fine. They know they will be looked after. With something as basic as a cuddle. Fundamental security seeps into their bones, changing their perception of risk and the way they make decisions. Whatever happens, I will go on. 

That immediately increases the length of time your decisions involve. Sparking the most powerful investment tool... connected time.

Rupert with Time

Bold because Secure

We see based on the experiences we have had. We build an interpretation of the world. We filter the noise and interact with it as best we can. Which makes a feedback cycle essential. We can not help but constantly make mistakes unless we either don’t do anything, or don’t venture very far from what we know we can hold onto. Boldness is built on nurtured insecurities. Boldness is built on a capacity to not only confirm what you already know. With security and a feedback loop, we can act in micro-ambitious ways. Have a go. See what happens. If you have confidence that you have the capacity to unwind mistakes, depending on the unintended consequences, you can be more adventurous. If you are wrapped in fear, you will seek perfection that doesn’t exist, before you act. You will seek the correct way. If you accept that your way is just an interpretation, you can move. Embrace a sense of wildness, and diversity of attempts in which beauty exists. Where we can be open to the chaos of noise, silent periods, bright colours, dull colours, contrast, light, dark, and in all of that find the bits that resonate with us. 

Bold

(because you are secure)

 

Solid Base

What I enjoyed most about my introduction to Yoga in 2009 was the simplicity of the base. Swami Vishnudevananda talked about 5 key points. Proper exercise, breathing, relaxation, diet, and mental health (thinking and meditation). Whatever the challenge, there is a point of return. A first principle. Start from the basics. Slow things down. I think of this in the way I think of just how good my mother was at raising me. I am completely comfortable being lost in the grass while learning, because of the security of my base. I couldn’t have had a more solid foundation. She was that foundation. Returning there just requires closing my eyes. That is why I think individuals need a secure foundation more than they need to “know their place” (have a hand to mouth job). That place is fragile, their place shouldn’t be. I don’t believe in fear and wolves at the door as the ideal motivator. True creativity comes when people are secure in their place. That comes through getting the basics right. Starting from a point of strength. Then stretching into the chaos.

Turning on the Lights

A reasonable definition for Politics would be “the management of information asymmetries to get the desired outcome of a particular tribe”. I know more than you. I want something different to you. I am going to win. Whether in the staffroom, boardroom, or changeroom, if there is more than one pulse there is normally Politics. It is also very similar, however it is dressed up, because it is the balancing of competing desires. I am in favour of universal empowerment because it reduces the obligation to do stuff for people in the dark. An independently strong foundation to retreat to is a powerful underlying safety net. It empowers the word No, and in doing so, makes the word Yes more meaningful. Enthusiastic, informed consent. When things are swapped (or a thing and some money), value is created if both parties know all they need to know and are better off after the swap. If the story changes when you switch on the lights, it is not a story worth telling.

Edinburgh Torch Procession

Shining Light