Points of Contrast

The entry ticket of the community you are a part of goes up if the choices the collective choices they have made were good business ideas. This can limit the ideas you can choose to focus on if you want to be a part of those communities. To eat in the restaurants people eat in, send children to certain schools, or live where and how they live. 

It is easy to say, “don’t judge yourself based on your peers”, but it can get more practical than that. Going to visit a friend for dinner, you can’t help but see their comparative lifestyle. It is more challenging to see the whole picture. We only see what is conspicuous, and process the immediate points of comparison we notice or pay attention to. It can be difficult to hold on to your values and choices when spending decisions become joint decisions because of peer pressure. 

Part of stilling waves of anxiety, is realising that each wave is not the only wave. Each thought is not the only thought. There are others. The thing you are aware of in a particular moment will pass. 

When I stopped working and starting writing and thinking about non-monentary things, I realised that most of my friends were happy, but they had made a wide variety of choices with trade offs and consequences. Every opportunity you take, closes the door to other opportunities. Keeping all your options open can mean not actually experiencing any of those options. We can’t do everything. 

The other realisation I had was that there are a whole bunch of people who aren’t even in the position to question their choices. What can happen if you are solely focused on financing your own choices, is you can forget about the hills in Umlazi. Other bubbles are out of sight and out of mind. The nature of global apartheid is that not everyone has the same opportunity.

Greener Grass

The tyranny of choice is that having lots of options can make life frightening. We spend so much energy thinking about what could have been. Greener grass and bitterness at the hand we have been dealt, when some of those options were never real options (because life isn’t fair) and others were choices we made (which have consequences). 

We live one life. Decisive indecision can leave you constantly spinning. There is always an escape hatch when life gets hard, but if you aren’t prepared to do the hard work then it is impossible to commit. There are always other options. Progress often requires closing things down. 

Real value is built over the long term and so you can’t be constantly starting again. Detachment, importantly, is not a lack of commitment. You can build within boundaries without being defined by those boundaries. Be prepared to do the work. Be able to face hard truths. 

It is easy to get wound up in self-pity and frustrated at the way things work. Your frustration can be 100% valid and yet not helpful. Righteous indignation about the cards you have been dealt seldom changes your cards. Is anyone else going to do anything else to change things, or is it going to have to be you? From where you are. 

Accept the way things are, but not in an accepting way. It is the only possible starting point for understanding, so you can change the setup for who comes next, or with grit... for yourself.

Eagle's Nest

Wealth can create an Eagle Nest problem. As wealth compounds, and salaries and capital grow, the target at the end stretches. Not just what we are accustomed to, but the lifestyle to which we aspire. Ironically, unless wealthy parents do give their children capital starts or income support, they are going to limit the life choices those children can make. 

If they want to match the lifestyle of their parents and community, they are going to have to choose from income generating options with kick. You can’t be a dancer, artist, social worker, or anything that is difficult to monetise unless you have outside financial support. If you want a certain lifestyle, you must fund that lifestyle. The higher that is, the more difficult it is to jump from the nest. 

Without a jump-starting buffer or introductions and networks for risky new businesses, you are going to have to choose high-paying (limited supply) STEM (science, technology, engineering, mathematics) professions. The irony is that if your family doesn’t have lots of money and your community does not spend a lot, there may be more options for financial freedom available to you. You can choose a lifestyle that is not conspicuous in its spending. 

When you choose what you value, and develop the areas you find pleasure... you can look towards things that do not cost a lot. High prices relate to scarcity. If you want things most people can’t have, and you are the one paying, that is going to have consequences for the choices you can make.

Bald Eagles