Allowing for Bull

It is worth reading the book, “How to win friends and influence people” by Dale Carnegie. The name sounds terrible. I put off reading it for years because the title seemed repulsively insecure and insincere. I was wrong. There are very valuable principles clearly articulated. One of those key ideas is building on what people say. We want feedback. But we want feedback in a way that we actually believe that the person giving it wants us to move forward. We want to feel like they are being constructive. If you are constantly niggling at someone, and tearing them down, what you are not doing, is allowing a Bull Quota. A Bull Quota is when you suspend your disbelief. Allowing a buffer for things that can distract you from the important stuff. That quota can eventually be full, but not allowing it prevents deep listening. Like when you are watching a movie. If you are intent on critiquing each word and pointing out the holes, you won’t be able to enjoy the story. Are you looking for the truth in the story? Are you even looking for something that contributes? Because everything has gaps and holes, as we clumsily try to communicate from one grasp at reality to another. Don’t live in the holes.

Don't prematurely call Bull

 

Throwing Name

For 5 years I raised money every November for Movember. In the first year, I raised more by growing a moustache than I had as part of a dedicated Youth Council in a full year’s effort. It blew my mind. Hours selling hot dogs, arranging charity dinners and “expanding Rands” versus a few emails and some fancy dress. I sharpened my self-mocking for money over the next few years and learnt a few lessons. (1) Don’t make the one time a year you contact someone, a time you are asking them for something, (2) Don’t always ask the same people, and (3) Be interested in and support the causes of other people. People like people who are consistent and interested, rather than only there when they need help. This is analogous to new tools like LinkedIn. Don’t take it seriously only when you need a job. It takes time to become a contributory member of a community. To be trusted. Relationships and Networks are the backbone of privilege. But now tools are there to democratise that, and change the game. If they are used authentically. If they are used as a conversation rather than a request. Be part of the conversation.

Easy Money

Laager Mentality

What is it like to be a bat? Thomas Nagel asked this in an essay exploring the limits of our ability to understand things beyond human concepts. We can’t be a bat. Even other humans are hard to understand. The world we see, and understand, is cumulative. Words get shared meaning. Sentences reflect experience. Big ideas tie small learnings together. Conversations build on each other. Which makes it hard/impossible to understand people without that work. A “Laager” is a fort made of a circle of wagons. Laagers were used by the Boers during the Great Trek of the 1830s. After the Napoleonic Wars, the British took control of the former Dutch Colony on the South West tip of Africa. Clashing worlds led to a mass migration of Dutch-inhabitants to avoid British administration. When the wagons came under attack, they would draw into a circle with the cattle and horses on the inside. A Laager Mentality is a defensiveness, however valid the complaint, to circle around your own to protect them. To protect the world you understand. Right or wrong. Bat or man.