Statement of Belief

I have just read JM Coetzee's Elizabeth Costello. I wouldn't rank it among my favourites, but it is definitely worth a read. It ends (not something that will spoil the book) with Elizabeth in a purgatory of sorts, trying to get out a statement of belief upon which she will be judged....

I thought it might be an interesting exercise to give it a go myself. But I am not going to think about it too much... I am going to try write it in a stream of consciousness kind of way. I will not think through every word, I will just let the words come. So in a sense, I will write a statement of thought....

here goes...

The first thing people would ask when they ask what you believe in is whether or not you believe in God. Well, I do and I don't.

I believe there is a God.

By this I mean that I believe in some greater purpose... a general reason for existing... a power beyond our comprehension that makes things happen as they do. I have a fundamental belief in or rather desire to strive towards `goodness' or an ideal... but I don't know concretely what that ideal is. I do not believe this God, or force, or power of which I speak intervenes. I do not believe in what I find the rather weak argument that God does intervene when he chooses and that we do not understand the `greater plan' or reasoning for why things happen... but there is one. If this is true, and God does in fact interevene selectively then I believe that God and the Devil are in fact the same being... and we are all screwed. I can not and will not believe that. God does not intervene. I believe in randomness. That things happen because they can. That in a infinite world with infinite possibilities, everything that can happen will happen, no matter how unlikely. So because everything happens randomly with in certain parameters... perhaps God sets the parameters... but that is where the intervention stops. So.... in a random world... what is the point? The point is to make the best of whatever situation you find yourself in. At every point you are presented with choices.... make a choice. Don't sit on the fence. Do something to make your situation better. Even in a random world, we are not in control of our future, but we very much set the parameters. By studying for an exam, I am more likely to fail it than someone who doesn't write it.... but I open myself to the possiblity of passing. I believe in failure. I believe that we grow through failure.... in the same way that I believe that we only experience joy through experiencing pain. The old light exists because of and is in a sense a part of dark argument. So what does it matter what I believe.... like Elizabeth Costello... I don't believe we should hold on to beliefs too strongly.... I believe that that stunts growth. If you believe something to be true, you stop yourself from being able to believe that it is not true even if it is not true. That is why I always say (which really irritates stuart - www.liberatorr.blogspot.com ) that.....

I believe only two things....
1) There is a God
2) I am not him

Everything else is open to debate. This is obviously not completely true.... there are other things I really think are true.... but I would like to think that if they weren't... I wouldn't be too blind to be convinced by someone who knew the truth. I guess I also believe in relationships. I believe we are made up of a conglomeration of interactions with other people. Ubuntu - we are who we are through others. These interactions may be through books, paintings, music, or simply holding another persons hand.... but every interaction you have becomes a part of who you are. In that way, I believe we are all immortal, because through experiences we have with others we become a part of them... I am not just Trevor Black.... I am people I have intereacted with. Everyone I have know is a part of me.... and I am a part of them.

Thats my 2 cents worth