Hardcore Mothering

Stuart points to this article on Chinese Mothers. It is a rather hectic account of the differences between Western and Chinese parenting according to Amy Chua. She has a book which is about to be released called 'Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother'.

This reminded me of a reference to an essay called 'What is it like to be a bat' by Thomas Nagel. Nagel argues that you can't imagine what it is like to be a bat. You can imagine what it is like to for you to do bat like things, but not what it is like to actually BE a bat.

'Our own experience provides the basic material for our imagination, whose range is therefore limited. It will not help to try and imagine that one has webbing on one's arms, which enables one to fly around at dusk and dawn catching insects in one's mouth; that one has very poor vision and perceives the surrounding world by a system of reflected high frequency sounds; and that one spends the day by hanging upside down by one's feet in the attic. In so far as I can imagine that (which is not very far), it only tells me what it would be like for me to behave as a bat behaves. But that is not the question. I want to know what it is like for a bat to be a bat.' - Thomas Nagel

Empathy is important, but empathy is limited. By being empathetic you try get into the head and experience of others - but that is only half the trip. Westerners and Chinese are both people, so it clearly not as difficult as empathising with a bat! But you can never completely understand any other human (including girlfriends and exes) through their own eyes. I can imagine the different response to Chua's piece. Some will read it and think she is crazed and draconian. Others will read it and think she is on the money. Some will contextualize it and say that they understand why she thinks the way that she does given her upbringing - but that she is wrong. Everything will be based on their own world views.

Why does this matter? Some people use culture as an excuse for behaviour others consider truly immoral. An obvious example being the abuse of women in some cultures. How on earth do we strip out the stuff we don't, and can't understand, (because we will never be able to truly see through another's eyes other than seeing their experiences through our own context) from the stuff we really should be kicking up a storm about and changing?

In this particular case, I think it is tough to argue that what Chua is doing is wrong. I suspect that it is just a different approach to parenting. But, while a little jealous of the level of dedication and achievement it can lead to, I can't quite wrap my head around the question 'What is it like to be the child of a Chinese Mother?'.