Houseful of Fens

My buddy Mike has always been a creative and generally happy guy. He can also turn his feet almost 180 degrees which gives him an unfair advantage in rock climbing. We met at high school and although paths split at various stages have stayed in touch. He is an example of a friend I don't see often enough because life catches up with you. Paths splitting isn't really an excuse since we both now live in London. Yesterday I asked who had time to chat about happiness and learning and Mike put his hand up.

Mike's surname is Renwick. This was an unusual surname in South Africa, but teenaged Mike assured us it was very common in the UK. That there was a Fenwicks on every corner. When I got to the UK, I did see a number of these stores, and Mike after he met his lovely wife has done his bit to make the surname more common. His nickname of Fen is well deserved.

A Fenwicks on every corner and six in every bed

Fen identifies three positive focus areas when thinking about happiness:

1. A recognised creative outlet
Fen likes to play. He used to use music and composing his own songs as his source of expression but has shifted to game development now. With a house full of little Fens, this is less 'noisy', and still gives him the opportunity to play. It is just a different form of composition, and has the side benefit of helping him learn additional skills he can use in the work environment.

2. Being part of a group that requires prioritising their interests
He noted that when he was single he was able to do whatever he wanted but found he has been happier since he had a family, 'Obviously if you dig deep enough into altruism, there's always a self-gratification layer at the bottom of it, but you do feel good about yourself when you place your time into the hands of others before yourself.'

3. Some sort of repetitive manual labour
He enjoys folding clothes once a week, and once spent 8 hours shelling walnuts. Whether it is peeling potatoes or doing any other chores - doing something productive but that doesn't require thinking can be a form of relaxing the mind.

We didn't just talk about happy things. Life is full of other stuff but he said he found a drawing his wife Dani did very useful in helping his approach to answering the question 'Are you happy?'

The time he spends thinking about happiness is mostly triggered by something difficult. The usual suspects being the kids smashing something or fighting, an argument with Dani, or work not going well. Mentally he tries to integrate the difficult bits as part of the ultimately happy potential. So when something is wrong, he tries to think of the positive things that pair with that. So if you wanted to lose that negative, what would you be giving up? Would your alternate life really be better in totality? Essentially his focus is on cultivating resilience rather than trying to make every situation happy. Happiness requires taking a step back which includes the give and take shown above.