Markets are transactional. They specialise in clarity. Those who are great at business, are also great at articulating problems so they are like Jam on a shelf. Someone looking for Jam walks into a shop and sees what they were looking for. They buy it. There is a market for Jam that doesn't require any sales process. Of course, if you want to sell YOUR SuperJam©... then you need to articulate another problem. Why is any other Jam not okay? Why is their life not okay without your Jam?
Most of us end up with a clearly defined jam. We specialise in a kind of Jam we know there is a market for. Gradually as we gain experience and expertise, we only sell one kind of Jam. That Jam defines us. What do you want to be when you grow up? A Jam Seller.
The problem is that this makes us really bad at asking for and offering things that aren't Jam. That aren't our Jam. We are spoilt by the clarity of the transaction. I offered Jam. You wanted Jam. You bought Jam. We are done. In the relationships that matter, things are way fuzzier than that. They are relational rather than transactional.
Asking and offering fuzzy things is hard. It requires patience as you tease out with each other what exactly it is you want. Through trial and error. When you eventually discover what it is you want, you may not even be able to describe it. You will either just know, or know you don't have it.
The thing is, relational Jam tastes the best. It comes with conditions, expectations, disappointment, anger, humour, frustration, joy, tears, quiet, panic, anxiety, calm, pride, respect, and love.
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