Wednesday, March 20, 2019

Advice is Autobiographical

All advice is autobiographical. As we stumble through the madness, we learn lessons. These can feel like dramatic insights we evangelically want to share. Without context, the broadcasting of these views is simply telling our own story. In a transactional world, people will often pay for advice. Paying for a slice of other people's stories to mix into their own. The results will always be different.


I am clearly noisy. I don't hold back on sharing my story. I am significantly more nervous when it comes to giving advice. I always worry about "what if things go wrong". I don't like the idea of bumping someone else's story and then them turning back at me with a glare when they crash. I find keeping a vague sense of my own control tough as it is.

I am also aware that I have no idea what it must be like to be in other people's situations. As the world stretches and we struggle to define Global and Local communities, our lives stop being replicas of our parents, siblings, friends, and elders. There are really very few people to turn to with significantly similar stories, but one step ahead. There are very few adults. We are all pioneers in a world that is changing rapidly. Work, relationships, and communities are all blowing around in the wind.

I talk a lot about money and financial security. I don't like this. I would far rather be talking about other things. It was my distaste for being controlled that led me to aggressively try gain financial freedom. My superpower is delayed gratification. If something hard needs doing, I would rather do it first. Ofen grumpily, but I will do it. With the elusive carrot of "can you just leave me alone now?" dragging me along. I looked at the menu I had, and picked the thing that would get me this freedom. I spent significantly less than I earned from as early as possible, and got my extra money a job. Until I felt like I could constrain my spending enough to let my money work, and be left alone. I love being left alone.

This is not an option for most people. I know that. It is an option for a lot of people who choose to constantly improve their lifestyles as their earning capacity expands. We live in a world in which the life you live is largely determined by the work you do. The lifestyle to which we become accustomed is determined by our work's market price. Which becomes our price is we spend most of our time working and live hand-to-mouth. Constantly expanding into the gaps. 

The harsh truth is every financial decision has tradeoffs. If you have the skills/knowledge or the capacity to develop them, then you can have whatever "thing" it is you desire. With consequences. The challenge is broadening your vision wide enough to choose the whole package consciously. No decision is isolated.

That is a problem. A bigger problem is the people who can't even get the process started. Who aren't even in a position to cut back their spending because they aren't spending. Step number one in Financial Security is finding a source of income. There is a basic amount that you need just to play the game. There are Billions of people who don't even have that. Who are under incredible financial stress that keeps them gasping for breath. Not false gasping because of choices. Gasping because of exclusion.

That is where my advice falls really flat. That is where for my advice to mean anything, I have to be asking far more questions than giving answers. I have never been in poverty. Even when I felt poor, it wasn't poor... it was just my allergy against being controlled flaring up. I had choices. I made them. 

My sense is the people who are best placed to give advice are those whose stories resonate the most. The ones whose lives are closest to those with similar problems. I love the "Humans of..." series. The more stories we make a part of our own, the more relevant the words we release. Our ears are likely to be better problem solvers than our tongues. Your answers are likely to be much closer to you, than they are to me. Close enough to hear if you are paying attention.

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