Winning the Debate

If you have ever had a fight with someone you care deeply about, you will know that often the fight is not about the fight. Whenever you speak, you know the words come out almost fully formed in a gush. What we see and what we hear is based on what has come before. Unless we are very careful, our battles end up being against our own projections rather than what is before us. Pre-scripted wars. Inherited. One technique I am practicing to combat this bias is shorter questions, and shorter answers. Answering the specific question that was asked. Without huge caveats. Without answering the objections I expect to receive in advance. This is hard. I am deep soaked in the Oxford style debating system. Trying to find holes in arguments. Trying to win. Most of the people in my bubble, including me, don’t seem to have the tools to explore issues. The arguments we are having are with the ghosts of our scars. With the defensive goal of convincing the other person that we aren’t evil. That we are quite clever. That we are good enough to keep around.

Winning the Debate