Financial Yoga - Stilling the Waves of Money Anxiety
Chapter 2 - Acceptance
Acceptance is difficult. I have always been a bit of a “try hard”. That was what we called people at school who were constantly doing something. The implication being that you are trying to impress the teachers. Like the idea of a “Teachers Pet” or “Brown Nosing”.
The world is structured towards encouraging activity, and the conspicuous things that we can see. We look for cause and effect, so that we can control our environment. The assumption being that we are the reason for things, and knowledge will allow us to act with dependable outcomes. By acting, we further our goals. Which seems logical, and Cartesian. We think, therefore we are. Think then do. Try.
Through Josh Waitzkin, and his book “The Art of Learning”, I was introduced to the idea of Wu Wei, which means action through inaction. You start by seeing things as they are, rather than living in our minds. Rather than living in how we want things to be. See then nudge. A less anxious way of engaging with the chaos.
To really gain an understanding of the world, you need a pinch of salt for the way you think things work. Understanding that can be quite frustrating when things do not respond the way you thought they would. When we are children, we are much more willing to let things play out. We enjoy being surprised. It delights us when things are interesting. Rather than the joy of a fascinated two-year old, we can be enraged.
Ken Robinson pointed out that almost all children believe they can draw when they are 5 years old. You learn your way out of creativity. By the age of 15, someone has convinced most of us we cannot draw. Our creativity is bounded by the belief that we need to be sorted by conspicuous, immediate, competency. We stop learning as we create a story about who we are, and how we control the world. We specialize to get recognition for how we are special. We tell stories so that we can categorise and create boxes in which we can find comfort. A safe space we understand. That allows us to ignore the world that is not the way we want.
These worlds we understand are less confusing. We prefer doing things where there is a script. The stories we tell ourselves become stories we recognise. When somebody clashes with that, it is difficult. Accepting this confusion, accepting that the world is to complex, ambiguous, and random is a challenge. But from a point of acceptance, you can start to see how things work. Without trying hard.
We can start to get an understanding by looking at how our story connects to the story of others. As people, we can pay attention to the past and to others. We can look at case studies and see how other people operate. We can learn through the people we meet. This is why a lot of privilege comes from from the bubble that you're born into. The conversations you are exposed to. The mentors. The questions that you are asked. The possibilities that seem possible because you have seen them in someone who seems vaguely like you, becomes the set of options you recognize. And that can feel unfair.
A lot of what we are doing is unpacking things like pass prejudice, and pre-determined roles. In the past, maybe people born into roles. There was someone who could tell them what their path was. The options are opening up, there are fewer people who can tell us what that path is. There are fewer people to walk with us. There are lots of options. Lots of places to go. We start going off on our own. We live more isolated lives where people don't necessarily know our story anymore. Don’t want to know. When you are growing up, your parents are there to guide you. They are interested in your story. But once you leave home, you start making your own way in the world. And because we have so many paths, even the people who knew us well when we were younger massively diverged from where we are now. We might not make time or space for each other in the new lives.
When we are at school, we see the same people every day by default. If you get to go to university, you can make great friends with more of your own discretion, but we start dividing up as we specialize. The people that we spend time with are other people that we work with. We end up living very different lives.
Genghis Khan was controversial “successful” historical figure, but his life was not that different from his warriors’ lives. He still lived in a Gur and spent most of his life as a nomad moving with his with his own forces. Now the people in control lead very different lives from other people in institutions, particularly the bigger the organisation gets. As we get more specialised, we stop having a common vocabulary of things we can talk about.
To parse what you hear, you need to find someone whose life resonates with yours. Whose choices resonate with yours. We can give each other some generic guidance, but most advices advice is to a younger version of yourself. Austin Kleon says all advice is autobiographical. A chance to revise your story. I enjoy revising my story. Going back in the past and reviewing the decisions that I've made.
It helps me understand the decisions that I am making now. To understand the work that I need to do to change the way that I make decisions. Like everyone, I am not always way of all the decisions that I am making. Some of them are made automatically. I believe in Free Will. I just think it is hard. For the most part it is easier to let the random, complex, ambiguous world make decisions for us. That way we don’t have to take responsibility if things go wrong. Planning comes with the price tag that there is no one to blame. That can be a scary or lonely place.
Once you have case studies, you have people who are one page ahead of you. A lot of the studying we did at school was through peers. We taught each other. That is often a better way to learn. ”The curse of Knowledge” is that people forget what it feels like not to know. As something becomes natural and embodied, our consciousness shifts elsewhere. We forget that it was hard to learn to walk.
Professor Dorrington was frustratedly trying to teach my class the concept of “Exposed to Risk” to my class. There was a room full of 40 or so maths-loving try-hards and none of us could get it. He could not explain this concept to us. We were all absolutely confused. In hindsight, it seems like a simple concept to me now. And for him, it was a simple concept then. We are exposed to various risks and Actuaries try figure out the probability of that happening by looking at what has happened. It is two numbers. The one is how many times the thing happened. The other is how people it could have happened to. But as the thing happens, the people it could have happened to shrinks. Or maybe new people join. So every time the thing happens, you need to know how many people were “exposed to risk”. You then work out a weighted average, counting each time something happens more (or less) if there were more (or less) people exposed.
It is often easier to find someone who has just grasped the concept. They didn't understand it a short time ago, and now they understand it. They remember the path. Those are the people who can help you.
To make money, you need things that you can count. Price acts like traffic lights. It is a signal that indicates if there are enough people providing a solution. If not, we need to shift some resources there. A high price shows what we pay a lot of money to people to do. If we have a lot of people willing to do this, then the price goes down.
In order to solve problems, you need skills and knowledge. Those tend to be specialized. We don’t have the capacity to do everything, which creates a barrier to us solving any problem that needs solving. The world is more complicated, and we are not all farmers anymore.
We need a process to develop the necessary skills and knowledge. That is getting easier. There are a lot of Massively Open Online Courses (MOOCs). You can get the information online. There is Wikipedia, Udemy, Coursera, and a world of online resources for you to gain skills and knowledge. But you need to know what you need to know. A list of skills and resources that are required and remunerated. The process of learning becomes lifelong and iterative. Changing as needs, supply, and demand change.
We need to constantly set aside time for development. In professional terms, this is called Continued Professional Development (CPD) and you are required to evidence your annual learning. Effectively keeping a Journal. Whether it is through a book, an experience, or an actual course where you need a certification.
You need a map. To understand what the problem is that you want to solve, and then you need to figure out how you can solve it. You need is a container for problem. Containers created by barriers to entry or exit. Barriers to entry are things like formal qualifications, evidence and proof that you can do a specific type of job. It might be a very well-defined job. It's an old profession like law, accounting or medicine. Something that a group of people have created a formal framework for around a specific set of problems.
There are also generic skills. Any job is going to need you to have excellent communication skills. The ability to understand problems and explain them to others. To gather and process information to make decisions based on the story that emerges. Skills like time management, being reliable, being able to do administration are essential. Simple tasks like paperwork, being able to read information, process it, and keep it in an orderly fashion so that you're able to find it again quickly. Without being a specialist, you will need an understanding of project and diary management, and the ability to write clearly. Writing well, so that information is carried across clearly. Networking is incredibly important. The human skills of social, emotional, and cultural intelligence. Understanding people and understanding how they make their decisions.
To make money, you need to find decision-makers with money and help them. Understand their world and what it is they are concerned about. What it is they want. To do that, be curious. Genuinely interested in what is going on.
Different jobs take these skills and attitudes to different levels, but they are generic skills that will make you better placed to be able to solve problems.
Being curious and reading and learning about the world will put you in a position to note the different options that are available. To find case studies and best practices, by reading what other people have done and what options are open. People that are on similar paths can act as mentors. You can then map the path of skills development for yourself. Gain an understanding of the various barriers that stop you from being able to solve something. Solve the problem of overcoming them. You can look at job adverts, and see the skills and knowledge required. On LinkedIn, you can look at the public profile of people doing the type of work you want to do. Do you really need to go to university, or can you pick the skills up elsewhere?
Can you just start a business and solve the problem? How do you find clients? There is a lot of done in the open if you pay attention. You want to be very aware of the environment that you are in. Who are the suppliers that you are going to have to work with? We live in a much more connected world. The information is out there on social media. Paying attention and understand what it is that stops you from solving the problems you identify. That might be regulation. It might be expensive to pay for the insurance (e.g. professional indemnity insurance). You might need software. There might be capital that you need in order to solve specific problems. What are the challenges to get around?
Not everyone has Capital. Not everyone has access to the containers in which the problems can be solved. You need to create a map of how to go about being in the right position. You also need to be able to distinguish between good ideas and good business ideas. To develop a filter to choose which problems to focus on.
Normally those are the ones that focus on things that you can count. If you can count something, it is easier to control. STEM subjects (Science, Technology, Engineering, and Mathematics), all revolve around things that you can count. Science also provides a framework for experimentation and research. There is a process of trial and error. Physics, chemistry, biology, biology, technology, computer engineering, tend to make it easier to find jobs because it is easier to specify problems.
In product development, you have a “Product Specification” which identifies what the problem is and maps out the intended solution. If it is easy to put something into words and numbers, it is easier to communicate. It is easier to get funding for problems where you can communicate how you can make a profit. As soon as something is qualitative, it is much harder to explain what the benefits are. Because it is not necessarily tangible. It may be something we feel, and we may feel differently about what is valuable.
Not every good idea is a good business idea.
If an idea is a good idea, but it very difficult (and not desirable) to create barriers around it to monetize, then it becomes a passion project. It can still be something that gives your life meaning and gives others meaning. But in order to make it happen, the problem requires resources. You need to find funding.
It might be government funding. It might be grants. There might be someone willing to give you money, but that's a whole different world. That's a world where you learn to do fundraising. To convince people that art/ service/ change is good. That ceases to be about some key numbers. It becomes storytelling. You need to be able to convey information in a way that grabs someone.
You need a decision-maker who is willing to give you money.
Part of acceptance is why you are doing what you are doing. Coming down to the nitty-gritty of what drives you. What are your incentives? What's the bigger plan? What's driving your daily practice? What are you going towards?
Quite often we don't choose that, because we are just on a set path that is given to us by others. That path comes through comparison and relativity. You start looking at friends and family and building towards what is expected. Maybe it's a bigger house. Maybe it is expenses related to children’s education. It might even be that your chosen job has a natural progression. The better you are at your job, you get promotions and raises. We don't necessarily find something that works for us and build mastery around it. We want to see conspicuous evidence of progress.
We need to unpack what we mean by progress. In its historical context. Is it a cultural thing? Is it controlling nature? Is it controlling our environment? Is it something we have to rethink? Given challenges like climate change and sustainability. Do we need to come up with different measures that aren't so focused on the numbers and social mobility?
The world is getting progressively (but bumpily) less racist, sexist, homophobic, and classist. We are breaking down barriers, but we still have hierarchy. The concept of people being better and lifting groups of people. The directionality of that is interesting because living a simple life can be a choice. There is a story of Alexander the Great out empire building and he comes across a sage sitting on a rock. The one doing external work. The other doing internal work. The Gini Coefficient measures inequality. A Gini of Zero (0) in a two-person world would mean Alexander and the Yogi had the same. One (1) would mean Alexander had it all. If we shared everything, there would be no incentive to get more because it would immediately be watered down (particularly if it was among the 7.8 billion people on the planet). We want to have a sense of reward for what we do. Conspicuous reward. Well done, here’s a gold star. Here’s some money. That’s how we do incentivization. You do something. You get measured against other people. You do something more. Understanding what we do, starts with understanding what incentivizes us. If we are going to plot *how* we do what we do, we need to understand *why* we do what we do.
With Yoga, you are no less advanced than someone who's been doing it for 30 years. I came across one guy who told me he had finished yoga. If you can utter the sentence, “I have finished Yoga”, then you haven’t because you still have the concept of I. It is a different type of journey from what we are used to in the sense of progress. It is hard for us to wrap our heads around because with Wu Wei, action through in-action, acceptance, and the yogic kind of path of “you are already enough”. It feels like giving up.
There is visceral pushback on that. One of the challenges I faced when I stopped work was that you lose the conspicuous signs of respect. People don’t necessarily respect your time. They think because you have time available, you can just do all the rubbish jobs because you are not too busy. Busyness becomes a signal of, “I am a very important person, so I don’t have time to do that.” As soon as you have space, people incur into that space.
If you are time-rich, rather than money-rich, you need to learn to create boundaries. It's very similar to the rich-rich when people start asking for money. People start using your time more conspicuously if they feel entitled to it because they are busy. When you create space and someone else doesn’t. It's a little bit like being punctual. The people who aren't punctual arrive late and make people who are punctual, wait for them. Which even though it is perhaps not intentional, is a way of saying their time is more important. Tim Urban writes about chronically, late, insane people (Clips). He calls it time optimism. They (and he includes himself) always try fit too much in. I am typically on time, and part of the reason for that is I stop doing whatever I'm doing early. People like me are time pessimists because we leave gaps for the next thing. I do a lot of waiting. We need to build a whole new way of looking at respect and how we recognise people, if we're going to change the way we make our decisions around money. Allowing for gaps. Allowing for the things we can’t see.
Meritocracy came in as a response to hereditary wealth. Hereditary entitlement. You had a position or role in your caste or class, and that came from your parents or the money you inherited. Meritocracy was the wild idea that you should hire the best person for the job. Which is the most skillful or the most knowledgeable. You should push resources to where they will have the biggest impact. That provides a path for social mobility, and it allows people to move “up”. If you use that directionality. The problem with meritocracy is that the idea is handicapped by the impact of privilege. Part of our set of incentives is money, but another part is we naturally want to invest in the skills and knowledge of our children. We quite reasonably want to give them a competitive advantage. One of the barriers to entry is education. If you give someone education, you implicitly strengthen their barriers, and that compounds. There is a lot of thinking to do about conspicuous meritocracy and the barriers that people have to overcome. If we really want to get resources to where the true merit is.
There is a perception that if you are earning lots of money, you must have lots of natural talent. So you get respect. This is dangerous. In yoga, they speak of the seven stages of the development of wisdom. Wisdom isn’t about skills and knowledge. Even though skills and knowledge, properly contained, is how we create wealth. Wealth itself is what the skills and knowledge get applied to. The problem with directionality in seeing progress and meritocracy as “more” is privilege. The first of the yogic stages is longing for truth. You understand that you are connected to everything, but you still have work to do. Before you can get all philosophical, there is the stuff you have to do, and there is the stuff you want to do. The stuff of life. The experience of life. There are still actions required, but you have to want to get free from the waves of anxiety. That desire is the directionality worth valuing.
Stilling the waves of money anxiety starts small. Like building relief from a storm when you have no shelter. The goal is simply to get dry and warm. If you can build a buffer of three to six months of what you normally spend, you start to create the capacity to make some path-altering decisions. You build a capacity to cope. You increase your control and focus. “You” increase it, but really it is the power of the buffer/capital. It is the same you. Just empowered. Similarly, yogis talk about Siddhis. Siddhis are seemingly supernatural, paranormal, or magical powers obtained through regular practice. In other words, mastery. But they are dangerous. Other people might elevate you and you might start believing that elevation. It is nice getting recognition. And that sets you up for the waves of anxiety to return. Real meritocracy is a call to see the value of people and their connection to each other through the waves. Building buffers and capital to power us without building barriers to divide us.
It feels good to receive acknowledgement and recognition. To be seen and respected. To move onto the next stage of detachment and really deep knowledge of what is going on, you must let go of the idea that it is all about you. The constant internal battles about whether you, personally, are good enough. Whether others are good enough. You have to let go of the idea that we work to fund our lifestyle and consumption and respect. We think of liberty as about the individual, but ironically, the ultimate liberty is the freedom to realise it is not about you. The privilege to be working on issues that are bigger and connected to everything. The capacity to fully accept the world for what it is, because you are no longer being battered by waves that separate you from it. When you are able to genuinely see the world, want to understand it, and start asking the right questions rather than enforcing your own view of what the world should be like. To get there, you do need to deal with the rubbish getting in the way. Building space to breathe.
Once you have the capacity to pause, you can form a picture of where you are. You can get an understanding of what is noise, and what is worth focusing on. What really matters to you, and what meaning do you want to create? You can still the waves of anxiety to the point that you feel some sort of sense of control. Space allows you to step back from your immediate needs and glimpse the bigger picture. From that point, you can get deep knowledge. You can do the deep work. You first need to build the capacity to reflect on what is important to you. That is the path to liberty. That is the path to letting go of the anxiety that wraps you up and gnaws at you. That path starts with acceptance. With the question of where you are, and what do you notice?
Financial Yoga - Stilling the Waves of Money Anxiety
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