Explorative Questions

Find someone who is capable of deep listening and has the skill to hold a mirror up for you in a compassionate way. Genuine listening is hard. 

I clearly speak a lot. Sometimes too much. I like expressing ideas and listening requires work. I am deeply curious and want to hear what others say, but also end up testing my ideas out loud. Getting the balance right by being quiet, asking explorative rather than critical questions, and being truly interested in what others are saying, is a form of fitness that requires exercises to build into your habits. 

Often in “conversation”, people are not listening, but are waiting for their turn to speak. Waiting or interrupting. Showcasing established opinions. When I realise I am in one of those one-way exchanges (especially if I have the self-awareness to realise it is me who is the problem), I try switch gears to limit my speaking and use more pauses. “Speaking in tweets”. 

I met Allan Gray (the man, not the company) at the tail end of his career. At the risk of name dropping, he did not know me well. He knew who I was, and we had conversations, but we did not often work closely. What was fascinating about him though, is that in almost all of my (and others) interactions with him, he was the one getting information. He had an insatiable appetite for other peoples' opinions, even if he was a famous contrarian, who put others' views aside when he finally made his own decisions.

Explorative Questions