There are things we can change. There are things we can't. Things we change are one step away from our current world view, which is why two people create change. (1) We create our own change, and (2) people who genuinely see us, help us change. Reality is a controlled hallucination. Our minds combine what we have taken in from the world, and piece it together slowly through trial and error. That process never jumps. It can't. It can only combine things that are there. In our head. In our heart. My things are not your things, and so you can't change them. Unless you see them, because then they become your things too. That is when things change. If you want someone to change, they have to be part of you. You have to be part of them. See.
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