Flagburner was one of my many nicknames at Senior Primary School (others included Ethiopian Forehead, Four-Eyes, Tin Grin, Ribs).
Flagburner was given because I refused to sing the national athem (Die Stem) saying that it was not the real national anthem. I was only 12, so clearly my opinions were largely those of my parents... but I haven't changed those sentiments. I didn't get much support from other 12 year olds, mainly because the incurred wrath of the teachers and accusations of not being a patriot... and subsequent tears on my part didn't seem a attractive alternative to going through the motions of just singing the song. That was 1992.
Two years later, I was one of the first to be singing the new national anthem (a combination of Nkosi Sikeleli iAfrika and Die Stem), and took to the new flag by proudly painting it on my bedroom door.
Why was I proudly South African? I was proud because it was the opposite of what I was not proud of. The Old South Africa. I was proud because of the new constitution which forbade the Death Penalty. I was proud because we had become a Democracy for the first time without the Civil War which many had predicted. I also WANTED to be proud. I didn't like being embarrassed by the country that I lived in. I didn't like that I had benefited from an unjust past in which all of our parents played a part. I felt guilty, and was excited about being part of righting the wrongs of the past. I was and am a person who enjoys loyalty and being part of a group...
and I felt South African.
But what does that mean? Why am I any different from someone who lives in St. Petersburg, New York, Lagos, Mumbai or Beijing? The recent Xenophobic attacks appal me in the same way apartheid did. When stuff like that happens, I am again embarrassed to be South African.
But what does that mean? Borders are some random remnant of European colonialism. Well, not altogether true, they exist everywhere, but in Africa... the puzzle that separates me from someone in Lesotho or Zimbabwe is very much a recent fabrication.
I am all for loyalty in sport because it is the one area I allow myself to be completely illogical and emotional. Even there though, I realise that taken to an extreme, it can be problematic. And loyalty in sport becomes quite difficult in a professional era where the players aren't even loyal.
In a work environment, you also realise that loyalty can be one way. Business is business, and sometimes loyal employees can be released. Fact is, that may be good for them, they can find another job where their skills are more appropriate and be better off for it.
But it is rather disillusioning.
In one way... in another, it is rather liberating. Imagine a world where we are World Citizens, where everyone can work where they are happiest, where the safety and security of people in Rwanda matters as much as that of people in New York.
There is a lot of good stuff going on in this country, and there are a lot of good people. The country and the people have a bright future.
BUT
Right now, these Xenophobic attacks leave me feeling sick... and no, right now I am not proudly South African.
Two years later, I was one of the first to be singing the new national anthem (a combination of Nkosi Sikeleli iAfrika and Die Stem), and took to the new flag by proudly painting it on my bedroom door.
Why was I proudly South African? I was proud because it was the opposite of what I was not proud of. The Old South Africa. I was proud because of the new constitution which forbade the Death Penalty. I was proud because we had become a Democracy for the first time without the Civil War which many had predicted. I also WANTED to be proud. I didn't like being embarrassed by the country that I lived in. I didn't like that I had benefited from an unjust past in which all of our parents played a part. I felt guilty, and was excited about being part of righting the wrongs of the past. I was and am a person who enjoys loyalty and being part of a group...
and I felt South African.
But what does that mean? Why am I any different from someone who lives in St. Petersburg, New York, Lagos, Mumbai or Beijing? The recent Xenophobic attacks appal me in the same way apartheid did. When stuff like that happens, I am again embarrassed to be South African.
But what does that mean? Borders are some random remnant of European colonialism. Well, not altogether true, they exist everywhere, but in Africa... the puzzle that separates me from someone in Lesotho or Zimbabwe is very much a recent fabrication.
I am all for loyalty in sport because it is the one area I allow myself to be completely illogical and emotional. Even there though, I realise that taken to an extreme, it can be problematic. And loyalty in sport becomes quite difficult in a professional era where the players aren't even loyal.
In a work environment, you also realise that loyalty can be one way. Business is business, and sometimes loyal employees can be released. Fact is, that may be good for them, they can find another job where their skills are more appropriate and be better off for it.
But it is rather disillusioning.
In one way... in another, it is rather liberating. Imagine a world where we are World Citizens, where everyone can work where they are happiest, where the safety and security of people in Rwanda matters as much as that of people in New York.
There is a lot of good stuff going on in this country, and there are a lot of good people. The country and the people have a bright future.
BUT
Right now, these Xenophobic attacks leave me feeling sick... and no, right now I am not proudly South African.
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