Tuesday, April 25, 2017

Conditional

I like the idea of 'unconditionality', particularly when it comes to love. But conditions affect behaviour. 

'Moral Hazard' describes the way people respond to risk being shifted to someone else. If you have no car insurance, you are more likely to think twice about where and how you park your car. The risk of loss tends to keep us honest. 

If you love someone unconditionally, they can also test the boundaries of the absence of boundaries. They can break boundaries far beyond where they would have. 

Games work better with rules. All rules are, are negotiated relationships. Agreements on how we will treat each other. Agreements on the stories that define us.

There is subtlety in how those rules evolve. They can't get too complicated or they lose meaning. But they can soak deep so that we understand the rules without knowing why. Like muscle memory. We don't have to consciously think of the steps involved in walking. We don't have to search for words we use often. We just know.

Deep soaking requires time, conversation and intent. Eventually, conditional can feel unconditional because it is so natural. It becomes a part of who we are.

Hadrian's Wall
How do we choose our boundaries?
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