It sometimes feels like I am a passive bystander to the large events that are passing us by. I rouse myself to action, only to feel like it doesn't matter. In the meantime life goes on. Some of the happiest people I know just focus on the small things. I believe in the 80-20 rule for a lot of things. 80% of us are just trying to survive, but the stories we read are about the 20%. What most of us do is about looking after ourselves, and that is fine. Not feeling obliged to talk about everything allows you to create containers of calm. You don't have to talk about Politics. You don't have to talk about the difficult human dynamics at work. You don't have to focus on all the nasty things we do to each other. On all the pain.
The Narrator:
Focussing on his own stuff made Trev feel uncomfortable. He enjoyed feeling like he was making a contribution to the conversations and actions required to create the world he wanted to live in. For a few years, he had been writing a blog and actively engaging in Social Media. He had met some great people along the way. Other active participants like Graeme, Sindile, Mpiyakhe, Melusi and others made it worthwhile. People with clearly very different political views all desperately trying to raise the level of conversation. To find some sort of common ground in a world that seemed to be very shouty. Perhaps it was time to fictionalise the voices in his head. Get them talking.
Mark:
I don't bother. News is a waste of time. I don't ask anybody for anything, and I will sort myself out. I learned long ago that the best way to do something is by getting off your ass. The opportunities are there. Pick something off the menu instead of whining the whole time about what it is you want. The problem with most people is they look for excuses. There is always someone else to blame. Give me someone who takes responsibility over a whiner any day of the week. I certainly don't bother with Social Media conversations. No one listens anyway. It is mainly just a small group of the noisiest people looking for opportunities to get angry at each other. You never see people changing their mind. You never see the conversation progressing.
Paul:
The time for looking for common ground has passed. "The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing". We need to be looking in the mirror, and constantly having the difficult conversations. There are so many behaviours we have just stood back and allowed. Particularly when we are in rooms surrounded by people who look just like us. Then it is safe to refer to Africa as a country. Then it is safe to say that other groups are inherently lazy, or stupid, or criminal. It is only when it becomes unsafe in the groups that are powerful that there will be real change.
Sarah:
Except how come most of the voices are male? You guys seem either to have too much time on your hands or too much testosterone. It seems like a competition. How do you expect people to be vulnerable with each other if they are constantly being challenged? If you are constantly trying to fix people, rather than hold them? We are all a confused bunch full of conflicting emotions and prejudices. How are we supposed to unlearn our obstacles if we aren't even allowed to play in safety? Kids are little monsters. Not because they are little monsters in their souls, but because they are pushing the boundaries. Seeing where the borders between them and the world are. Maybe we need a different set of games to play?
Michelle:
The voices aren't mostly male. It is just that is the only people who get the platform. There are plenty of minority voices that get lost in the wind. Did you hear that Jordan Peterson clip where he named his favourite author in a split second, but got lost when asked for his favourite female author? The problem with doubling down on the conversation with the typical voices is we don't learn anything new. The same people lead the charge even if superficially they claim to be trying to self-reflect. I echo your call for a different set of games. I like the idea of being very considered about what it is we are trying to achieve. Then going about it step by step. The current approach just seems like we are shouting into the void, without anything changing. I'd rather not even participate then.
Trev:
I tried to provide a platform. I know I am noisy. So I have published a number of Guest Posts on my blog. I have also tried having Guest Conversations. Writing every day has made it relatively easy for me. So I tried doing 5x2 paragraphs with someone Theatre Sport style. I write, you write, till we have each had five turns to do a paragraph. Then we publish. The problem is most people are very busy. Especially, it is true, most of the very accomplished women I know. A lot of them are balancing trying to be Uber Super Women with a career and a family. Actually making space for these types of conversations with most people feels indulgent. Nothing kills an activist like a mortgage and school fees.
Sarah:
Extending my point about the wrong games. Maybe these Guest Conversations and blogs are just the games you know how to play, which is why you aren't getting access to the conversations you are hoping for. The Comments Section and even the underlying tone in most articles is incredibly aggressive. You can't expect people to expose their vulnerabilities in those kinds of situations. There needs to be an underlying degree of safety. An underlying acceptance of someone even if they have committed "bad" behaviours, or have "bad" thoughts. No one, ever, is going to put up their hands about their weaknesses if they think they will be burned at the stake. The people who do are often just virtue signaling to their tribe, trotting out scripted "look how good I am by saying I am not good" campaign speeches.
Paul:
Action is more important than safe conversations. I don't much care about people's intent. If they really want to change, they will. If they don't want to change, who really cares? Racist die like everybody else. If you grew up that way, something has to actually happen to change their mind. The countries and places that have really seized the opportunities around the world haven't done it through talk shops. In the modern connected world, information and education are almost free. Yes, there are some barriers, but not for the people who take the bull by the horns. I am not sure us sitting in circles singing Kum ba yah will change anything other than us feeling good about ourselves. Warm fluff. Get the best job you can get. If you can't get one, make one. Do it well. Hustle. Build a life you enjoy living. The rest will sort itself out.
Angela:
Just stop stressing. Difficulty has always been here, and always will be. Struggle is part of the beauty of life. Think of the art and music that comes from our darkest moments. Horrible experiences are what gives life its texture. The pulse of the world is positive. We are less racist, less homophobic, less sexist and more tolerant than at any other time in the world's history. Few mothers dye in childbirth, and most children now survive to adulthood. We are learning to speak to each other, and the challenging conversations we are having is part of the beauty of us seeing one another for the first time. It is painful and beautiful. Stop fighting it. Breathe. Just take each day one at a time. Breathe. Carry on.
The Narrator:
Focussing on his own stuff made Trev feel uncomfortable. He enjoyed feeling like he was making a contribution to the conversations and actions required to create the world he wanted to live in. For a few years, he had been writing a blog and actively engaging in Social Media. He had met some great people along the way. Other active participants like Graeme, Sindile, Mpiyakhe, Melusi and others made it worthwhile. People with clearly very different political views all desperately trying to raise the level of conversation. To find some sort of common ground in a world that seemed to be very shouty. Perhaps it was time to fictionalise the voices in his head. Get them talking.
Mark:
I don't bother. News is a waste of time. I don't ask anybody for anything, and I will sort myself out. I learned long ago that the best way to do something is by getting off your ass. The opportunities are there. Pick something off the menu instead of whining the whole time about what it is you want. The problem with most people is they look for excuses. There is always someone else to blame. Give me someone who takes responsibility over a whiner any day of the week. I certainly don't bother with Social Media conversations. No one listens anyway. It is mainly just a small group of the noisiest people looking for opportunities to get angry at each other. You never see people changing their mind. You never see the conversation progressing.
Paul:
The time for looking for common ground has passed. "The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing". We need to be looking in the mirror, and constantly having the difficult conversations. There are so many behaviours we have just stood back and allowed. Particularly when we are in rooms surrounded by people who look just like us. Then it is safe to refer to Africa as a country. Then it is safe to say that other groups are inherently lazy, or stupid, or criminal. It is only when it becomes unsafe in the groups that are powerful that there will be real change.
Sarah:
Except how come most of the voices are male? You guys seem either to have too much time on your hands or too much testosterone. It seems like a competition. How do you expect people to be vulnerable with each other if they are constantly being challenged? If you are constantly trying to fix people, rather than hold them? We are all a confused bunch full of conflicting emotions and prejudices. How are we supposed to unlearn our obstacles if we aren't even allowed to play in safety? Kids are little monsters. Not because they are little monsters in their souls, but because they are pushing the boundaries. Seeing where the borders between them and the world are. Maybe we need a different set of games to play?
Michelle:
The voices aren't mostly male. It is just that is the only people who get the platform. There are plenty of minority voices that get lost in the wind. Did you hear that Jordan Peterson clip where he named his favourite author in a split second, but got lost when asked for his favourite female author? The problem with doubling down on the conversation with the typical voices is we don't learn anything new. The same people lead the charge even if superficially they claim to be trying to self-reflect. I echo your call for a different set of games. I like the idea of being very considered about what it is we are trying to achieve. Then going about it step by step. The current approach just seems like we are shouting into the void, without anything changing. I'd rather not even participate then.
Trev:
I tried to provide a platform. I know I am noisy. So I have published a number of Guest Posts on my blog. I have also tried having Guest Conversations. Writing every day has made it relatively easy for me. So I tried doing 5x2 paragraphs with someone Theatre Sport style. I write, you write, till we have each had five turns to do a paragraph. Then we publish. The problem is most people are very busy. Especially, it is true, most of the very accomplished women I know. A lot of them are balancing trying to be Uber Super Women with a career and a family. Actually making space for these types of conversations with most people feels indulgent. Nothing kills an activist like a mortgage and school fees.
Sarah:
Extending my point about the wrong games. Maybe these Guest Conversations and blogs are just the games you know how to play, which is why you aren't getting access to the conversations you are hoping for. The Comments Section and even the underlying tone in most articles is incredibly aggressive. You can't expect people to expose their vulnerabilities in those kinds of situations. There needs to be an underlying degree of safety. An underlying acceptance of someone even if they have committed "bad" behaviours, or have "bad" thoughts. No one, ever, is going to put up their hands about their weaknesses if they think they will be burned at the stake. The people who do are often just virtue signaling to their tribe, trotting out scripted "look how good I am by saying I am not good" campaign speeches.
Paul:
Action is more important than safe conversations. I don't much care about people's intent. If they really want to change, they will. If they don't want to change, who really cares? Racist die like everybody else. If you grew up that way, something has to actually happen to change their mind. The countries and places that have really seized the opportunities around the world haven't done it through talk shops. In the modern connected world, information and education are almost free. Yes, there are some barriers, but not for the people who take the bull by the horns. I am not sure us sitting in circles singing Kum ba yah will change anything other than us feeling good about ourselves. Warm fluff. Get the best job you can get. If you can't get one, make one. Do it well. Hustle. Build a life you enjoy living. The rest will sort itself out.
Angela:
Just stop stressing. Difficulty has always been here, and always will be. Struggle is part of the beauty of life. Think of the art and music that comes from our darkest moments. Horrible experiences are what gives life its texture. The pulse of the world is positive. We are less racist, less homophobic, less sexist and more tolerant than at any other time in the world's history. Few mothers dye in childbirth, and most children now survive to adulthood. We are learning to speak to each other, and the challenging conversations we are having is part of the beauty of us seeing one another for the first time. It is painful and beautiful. Stop fighting it. Breathe. Just take each day one at a time. Breathe. Carry on.
[The Narrator, Mark, Paul, Sarah, Michelle and Angela are fictional]
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