The Right Approach

I am part of a group of men that meets twice a month to support and challenge each other. I don't have the colleagues a 9-5 job provides, and so this is similar to that.... but without the artificial work/life/play divide. We all think very differently, and there is always the risk that we end up in a talk shop where we are trying to sell our world view. We have recently overcome this by creating "cards" for what exactly it is we are trying to achieve in the discussion. 

I get the sense that that may be what is missing from the general noise of conversation that we see in politics and social media. We aren't sure, in advance, what it is we are trying to achieve. We aren't sure, in advance, what the conflict resolution process is. We end up throwing around the word Democracy like it has meaning that is agreed upon. "The People". All sorts of ideas when it doesn't even seem like we are playing the same game.

One example is feedback. There is a difference between just needing to say something aloud, and actually wanting someone to offer a solution. Sometimes articulating something to a sympathetic ear is all I want. I feel like I am equipped to deal with the challenges. I just want to scream. Or cry. I whine. I don't want someone to then "come to my rescue" with advice that they then expect me to carry out. We call this the "context card". The "advice card" is different. If I actually want to know what the others would do in the situation I am facing. If I feel there is something I am missing. The "challenge card", gives people free rain to throw in whatever judgements or projections they have.

The "UK Parliament" card is sometimes useful in Democracy. A combative Opposition and a firepit of people divided into teams. Sometimes it is exactly the opposite of what is useful. Sometimes marches are useful. Petitions. Sometimes it is useful to have a directly elected representative who can be fired representing a constituency. Sometimes Proportional Representation is useful to ensure minorities have a voice. To ensure that everyone feels their vote counts so they don't have to strategically bet on things that they don't want. Sometimes you need an expert. Like if you are having an operation. Sometimes you just need the crowd to cheer or boo. Like if you are at a Comedy Club.

The biggest lesson for me from the Brexit mess is how easy it is to be against something. Almost no one is taking responsibility. The other side is being pointed at and bad mouthed. The hard work of listening to everyone, and finding something that works is being kicked down the road.

Sometimes we have to step back from the game, and decide if the game we are playing even has any chance of delivering what it is any of us want.

Are the rules working?