Agreements are made by getting to know elephants. In Jonathan Haidt’s analogy, the conscious choices we make are the riders, and normally when they pull left, the elephant goes left. The riders think they are in control because the choices are followed, but in reality the elephants want to go left.
One day, when the elephants go right despite the pull... we don’t even admit the lack of control. We make excuses. We defend. We rationalise. We change the story. The power team of a public relations officer and defence lawyer explain away our behaviour. Like after a difficult relationship, or being fired, or other traumas... we have inbuilt coping mechanisms to make sense of the world. To believe in cause and effect. To believe we have control. The real intelligence is in our habits.
The real communication is in our complicated and intimate relationships. Full of noise and deep soaked. This means epiphanies are not enough. You cannot just decide to change direction against the will of the elephants. You have to put in the hard work of retraining.
No comments:
Post a Comment