Time Practice Focus Flow

I get quite frustrated with one of my favourite writers, Maria Popova, 'debunking' the 10,000 hour rule popularised by Malcolm Gladwell in Outliers. At no point does Gladwell say that 10,000 hours of aimless time spent on a task will lead you to being world class. I believe he uses the examples of driving and sex as things we may spend a lot of time doing but not improving. Unless, of course, you remember to maintain eye contact with everyone you clink wine glasses with. But that won't help your driving. To improve your driving you actually have to try. Through purposeful practice.

I think the confusion comes because the thrust of Gladwell's point was that things take time no matter who you are. Even if you are good, you need to put the effort in. I am also a big believer that sometimes different skills are needed at the later stages of being awesome. Dan McLaughlin, who happens to be the same age as me, decided a few years back to put in 10,000 hours at golf having never played 18 holes. The further down the path he goes, the more psychological the training becomes. In the beginning you are laying the ground work and that can be tedious, so many people may choose to give up. They never get to the juice. Gladwell points to the strength required to push on through the tough bits. To put the time in. Purposeful practice and focus matter, but the idea that you have to put the time in matters too.

I thought Matthew Syed's 'Bounce' captured the ideas behind purposeful practice well, adding to 'Outliers'. Daniel Goleman's 'Focus' adds rigour to this rather than challenging any of the points. The best of the lot, in my view, is Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi's 'Flow' because it doesn't obsess about the 'world class' bit. Being world class is awesome because you get flow, but you start getting flow far earlier than when you get to the end. Flow isn't a competition. Everyone has something they love. If you love something and spend time on it in a purposeful way, you get better. That moment when you are doing something you love and it challenges you enough to have your full focus is flow. Flow is magic. I think the reason the world moves forward is because we all find flow in different places. The world would be a magic place if we managed to get to the point where, rather than to survive, we all work for flow.

The point that flow requires purposeful practice rather than slipping into automatic pilot is an important one, which is what I think Maria Popova is emphasising. In the workplace and in relationships we could benefit from more purposeful practice. The problem is that in these two places feedback is very hard to take. Feedback is essential to practice, but if how much you get paid (or whether you have a job) or whether someone breaks up with you is on the table - honesty and vulnerability becomes incredibly challenging and emotionally difficult. 

Perhaps the answer lies in 'role play' and acting. If you are acting out scenarios with characters that aren't you, it gives you anonymity. The feedback can be harsh and you won't care. The great thing about being human is that we can learn through the mistakes of others. Even if we are those others - through acting. If we want to pursue flow in the workplace and in our relationships, I think we can learn lessons from all four of the books above. Like Dan, who decided he wasn't intrinsically 'the guy who can't play 18 holes of golf' and did something about it, we can choose who we are.

Work Life Balance vs. Flow

'John Hope Franklin, the distinguished historian, said, "You could say that I worked every minute of my life, or you could say with equal justice that I never worked a day. I have always subscribed to the expression 'Thank God it's Friday,' because to me Friday means I can work for the next two days without interruption." It misses the mark to see Professor Franklin as a workaholic. Rather, he gives voice to a common sentiment among high-powered academics and bussinesspeoplle that is worse looking at closely. Franklin spent his Mondays through Fridays as a professor, and there is every reason to think he was good at it: teaching, administration, scholarship, and colleagueship all went very well. These call on some of Franklin's strengths - kindness and leadership - but they do not call enough on his signature strengths: originality and love of learning. There is more flow at home, reading and writing, than at work because the opportunity to use his very highest strength is greatest on weekends.'
- Pg 175 'Authentic Happiness' Martin Seligman

I think getting work-life balance is essential if you don't like your job. Having made the painful mistake of watching 'Revolutionary Road' last night... that movie illustrated that eloquently, and kicked me in the stomach a few times.

Even better though is if the job you choose plays to your strengths... then the concept of work-life balance falls to pieces as it becomes difficult to distinguish between the two.

Seligman talks of studies which look at flow:

'Games and hobbies are active and produce flow 39 percent of the time, and produce negative apathy 17 percent of the time. Watching television and listening to music, in contrast, are passive and produce flow only 17 percent of the time while producing apathy 37 percent of the time. The mood state Americans are in, on average, when watching television is mildly depressed. So there is a great deal to be said for active as oppossed to passive use of our time. As [Csikszentmihalyi] reminds us, "Gregor Mendel did his famous genetic experiments as a hobby; Benjamin Franklin was led by interest, not a job description, to grind lenses and experiment with lightning rods; and Emily Dickinson wrote her superb poetry to create order in her own life."

It is easy to be cynical about this kind of thing though. Awesome, do a job that you love. Great advice, but for most mere mortals all jobs have bits that you don't enjoy. The idea that 'Some of the time I do what I want to, the rest of the time I do what I have to'. More than likely that is true. I have a sneaky suspicion though that if you are prepared to really put the effort in and attack the tasks you dislike with vigour, and eye out a goal... you can get closer to flow based work.

It is also a reason that I prefer the idea of working towards 'Financial Independence' rather than 'Retirement'. The first implies less of a requirement to balance work and life and more a focus on increasing flow. The second implies a degree of giving up.

Intimate Reward

Some things take time. Kids learn slowly. The little emperors are notoriously fussy eaters and take time even to fall in love with the tastes of their mother tongue. Unless we want to live a monotongue life, we need to venture out. We need to train our buds to love the taste of learning.

I am pushing on with my piano learning. I have managed about an hour a day for the last 4 or 5 months. I can now almost play two popular songs so that they sound reasonably musical. I am loving it. Getting passed that first 100 hours so you can taste the juice is a start. That doesn't change the need to put in a proper commitment if you want to keep enjoying it. Flow is a wonderful thing. Flow is something we experience when we are pushing ourselves just outside our comfort zone. Not too far, but just enough so that we are not too stressed to learn. You can over complicate the idea of meditation. Meditation is just the practise of focus and concentration. When you are doing something you love and in that exciting phase of discovery, it is almost impossible for you to think about anything else. The great thing is that flow comes at different stages and in different things for different people. This variety of flow is the engine that drives the world forward.

It isn't all pretty. Flow is paired neatly with purposeful practise. Purposeful practise is the deliberate, regular, conscious attempt to learn. It can be draining. You may need to break it down into small chunks. Malcolm Gladwell popularised the idea of putting in 10,000 hours in order to become world class at something. He was not arguing that these hours could be on automatic pilot. Matthew Syed wrote a book that was a little more explicit about the importance of practise, and what that means. Practise isn't just mindless repetition of the same mistakes. If you can work in a little time every day to edge yourself forward, in a considered fashion, with a purpose in mind - flow will be your reward. Like the handicap system in golf, flow doesn't require you to be world class. Instead it adjusts to your level and incentivizes progress more than any bonus cheque ever could. It is a deeply personal reward system that knows you intimately.

It doesn't need to be hours and hours either. Ask yourself the same thing kids get asked when they get home. 'What did you learn today?'. One thing every day can be enough. Little things add up.

You be You

Flow is found between anxiety and boredom. When your skills and knowledge push you sufficiently to still your mind into a focused point of attention on a path to mastery. Flow is found differently for all of us. It may be painting, dancing, reading, running or any activity which captures your imagination fully. The filters we use to make money are different from the filters we would use to find flow. Flow isn't about supply and demand. It is deeply personal. It isn't affected by how many people are doing exactly the same thing as you. It isn't affected by how many people recognise or appreciate what you are doing. It isn't about communicating outwards. It is about diving inwards. Flow is found when you are being you.

Are you in your element?

I think what Csikszentmihalyi calls 'Flow' is in the same field as what Ken Robinson discusses in 'The Element'.

Robinson's book is subtitled: 'How finding your passion changes everything.' I have only read the first chapter, but it is a book I having been looking forward to for a long time.

We have all had those moments when time just seems to fly by, when you are completely engaged in what you are doing and at your creative peak. Robinson's crusade in 'Out of our Minds' was to show just how wrong Industrial Style education has got it in narrowing down the range of teaching and definition of intelligence. In this book, he tells stories. Stories of people who have been lucky enough to find their element, to have found the thing that gives them flow and made it what they do.

I am not one of those people who claim you can be in a constant state of flow. No matter what your job there is drudgery and admin and bits that you don't like. My approach is just that we need to figure out ways of ruthlessly removing those tasks by automating and working ourselves out of those tasks. Find a better way. A more efficient way. Slowly but surely, we can get to the point where more and more of our day allows for flow, and less and less for drudge.

Finding your flow is important. Robinson makes a very valid point that the people starting school now are due to retire around 2070. We don't know what the world is going to be like in 10 years, let alone what the demands of the working environment are going to be in 2070.

What we do know is that things are changing dramatically. Today, you may be a doctor, maybe in 10 years time you will be in business. Today you may be an accountant, maybe in 10 years you are going to be a bare foot hippie travelling from country to country planting strawberries as you go. Today you may be an engineer, in 10 years you may be writing books and a sought after speaker.

There are no limits. Or at least, the limits are falling away.

What's your passion? Got a plan to make it what you do most of the day?

Exciting Times.

Finding Flow

One of the disadvantages of our inability to keep lots of things in our head at one time is that we aren't great at stepping back, looking at the big picture, and deciding what tradeoffs we want to make. One of the advantages of our ability to not keep lots of things in our head at one time is focus.

Meditation is not something mystic or fluffy. You can dress it up any way you want to make it appeal to you, but what it really is is practising focus. We are all good at putting the majority of things out of our mind. It is just the last few things that we struggle with and hop between. Enter Flow.

Flow happens when you are involved in a skill based activity where the feeling you have is so intense you feel like you don't exist. Your identity (worries, daily life, fears, responsibilities) disappears from your consciousness. That sounds almost exactly like a definition of meditation. The great thing with flow is that we all find it in a different place, and often it is when we are engaged in the process of creating something new. Even when it is not necessarily creating a physical thing, watching someone in flow is a thing of beauty (Federer, Messi etc.).

I believe strongly the world is moving forward. The reason being that a fundamental thing that makes us happy is being creative. We find something that pushes us. Not so much that we are anxious and not so little that we are bored. As each of us push a little, we all benefit. One challenge we face is that we have lots of people whose daily tasks are such that the skill level required is low and the challenge is low. Worry, apathy and boredom can become a habit. If we are able to nudge more people out of those zones then I think we will be on the right track.

So if you want to start a meditation practice, one way to do it is to find something that has a long path of progression where the challenge can push just beyond your skill level. Something that offers life-long learning.

Flow

"Flow occurs when the challenges you face perfectly mesh with your abilities to meet them. When you recognize that these abilities include not merely your talents but your strengths and virtues, the implications for what work to choose or how to recraft them become clear." - 'Authentic Happiness' - Martin Seligman

Moments of flow are awesome. It is not the same as gorging yourself with your favourite Lindt chocolate, sitting watching your favourite episode of Friends, or sleeping in with no reason to get out of bed. There are lots of things that can make us smile... but finding the things you are great at, and trying to include them in what you do every day is definitely worth fighting for.

Milhaly Csikszentmihalyi ("cheeks sent me high") came up with the concept of Flow, and writes about it in "Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience". I haven't read that yet... but first heard of the concept in his TED talk. In Seligman's book, he is discussing the concept more fully. In addition, along with others, he has gone through Aristotle and Plato, Aquinas and Augustine, the Old Testament and the Talmud, Confuscious, Buddha, Lao-Tze, Bushido (the samurai code), the Koran, Benjamin Franklin, and the Upanishads, and other texts to come up with the core characteristics endorsed by almost all religious and philosophical traditions. Their list:

• Wisdom
• Courage
• Love and humanity
• Justice
• Temperance
• Spirituality and transcendence
  

Interesting how much commonality there is when you strip away 'the cover'. I particularly enjoy the idea of being able to work towards common ideas of what society should strive for without the baggage.

I enjoy that even more when the idea is based on finding what people's strengths are and working towards developing those.

Exciting Times.

Next spin starts fresh

I spent yesterday afternoon with a bottle of Bordeaux, a book and some live music in Montmartre. I finally got my act together and organised a Schengen visa, so now I may be able to pop over far more regularly. The intention was to watch the tennis... but that was not to be. Instead I wondered the streets of Paris. Not a bad outcome.

I am busy reading 'Flow' and can highly recommend it. In it, Mihaly C talks in detail about his decades long study of the science of happiness. 'Flow' relates to...

'we have all experience times when, instead of being buffeted by anonymous forces, we do feel in control of our actions, masters of our own fate. On the rare occasions that it happens, we feel a sense of exhilaration, a deep sense of enjoyment and that becomes a landmark in memory for what life should be like. This is what we mean by optimal experience. It is what the sailor holding a tight course feels when the wind whips through her hair, when the boat lunges through the waves like a colt - sails, hull, wind, and sea humming in harmony that vibrates in the sailor's veins. It is what the painter feels when the colors on the canvas begin to set up a magnetic tension with each other, and a new thing, a living form, takes shape in front of the astonished creator. Or it is the feeling a father has when his child for the first time responds to his smile. Such events do not occur only when the external conditions are favorable, however: people who have survived concentration camps or who have lived through near-fatal physical dangers often recall that in the midst of their ordeal they experience extraordinarily rich epiphanies in response to such simple events as hearing the song of a bird in the forest, completing a hard task, or sharing a crust of bread with a friend.'

Apologies for the long quote. I would quote the whole book if it could get you to read it. I think the concept of 'flow' and cultivation of it cuts through the quagmire of mans search for meaning, and while not giving a step-by-step approach to happiness, is a fantastic guide.

Sometimes life just seems to throw everything it can at you. In the words of J.H.Holmes 'The universe is not hostile, nor yet is it friendly. It is simply indifferent.' While some people choose to find comfort in the world making sense in terms of a cosmic plan, I find it far more comforting to think of it as random. Even if I have bet black three times in a row, and it has been red all three times... the world forgets. The next spin starts fresh. Each time you wake up, the people who hate you are likely not thinking of you, and no one except those you love are looking out for you. On the balance, 'the force' is probably in your favour.

So it becomes a case of focusing. Focusing on something good. Something in your control. Something that gives you joy. Something that gives you flow. Each time thoughts wonder to something else, choose to have them wonder back and things get better.

Siddhis

Siddhi are seemingly magical abilities attained through Sadhana. Sadhana translates as "a means of accomplishing something". In Yoga, it is used to describe Spiritual Exercise. Basically, your practice. Happiness in the form of Satchidananda (truth, knowledge, bliss) as a verb rather than a state. Something you do. Flow is a term in Positive Psychology used to describe when we are fully engaged in something. Not too anxious. Not too bored. A slight stretch of our skills by the challenges we face. I believe Siddhis are the long-term reward for daily practice. For regular Flow. Flow that turns into magic. Our sub-conscious abilities can be magical. To the point we amaze ourselves as we do things we can only do by "letting go". To let go, you sometimes need to start by choosing constraints. Committing to a practice that doesn't come naturally. Then actually do happiness. Every day. Do it. Till it soaks deep.

Finding Flow

Love and Work

'Flow' is a form of meditation. It lets you focus, and in focusing you lose awareness of all the other things we normally chew over in our heads. Positive Psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi came up with the term to describe the state we get into when we are doing something challenging enough to absorb all our attention, but not so challenging that we get anxious. Many people who are lucky enough to do something they love as a job may consider themselves to have 'never worked a day in their life'. But doing something you love and flow may not be interchangeable. Sometimes the thing you love may be hard, and feel very much like work. Ernest Hemingway may have said it best, 'There is nothing to writing. All you do is sit down at a typewriter and bleed'.

For me, painting has been a form of flow. I had a studio at the Wimbledon Art Studios (WAS) for 4 years. I would come in and just paint. I wasn't trying to say anything. I did want to learn about texture and colour, but I figured a lot of that learning would come through just being able to release. I was also lucky that it wasn't my job. Whenever I have to think of starting to apply my business mind to my art, something inside of me screams. Don't get me wrong, I would love to make money out of my art but I know there are easier ways. Making money often boils down to hustle and networking. Basic 'doing business' where the business being done doesn't matter. Sometimes it is useful to separate out your passion and how you keep it going. 'Sometimes I do what you want to do, the rest of the time, I do what I have to do.'

Alex Rennie is an artist on the floor below where I was at WAS. He does wonderful large scale oil paintings with a skillful control of light and dark. Inspired by Goya and Rembrandt, his earlier works were dominated by portraits and figures, inspired by stories, myths and the old masters. His more recent work looks at construction timbers and building hoardings, with the same powerful light contrasts, but examining growth and transitions in cities. I am a big fan.

Untitled work in progress by Alex Rennie

I asked him whether he found flow in his work and interestingly, like me with painting, he recognised that feeling outside of his normal work. He has a band with some friends, and through music is able to relax. Art can be more angsty. My weekend endeavours were kind of a cop out. Alain de Botton argues that we could learn a lot from how Religion uses art. It isn't just art for art's sake. It is an exploration of something which we pushes us further into the stuff of life that is beyond survival.

The problem is this stuff can feel pretentious. It can feel like you are claiming expertise that you don't have. The artist's job is to push through this. The artist's job is to bleed. When an idea comes, it is only half formed and requires bravery to carrying on going. Each piece is venturing into a place that is not an area of expertise. Alex talks of drawing inspiration from 'The Art of War' to push him forward through times when he is struggling to carry on. Sun Tzu talks of keeping the high ground. Alex interprets this as a form of agency. Trying to act in times of doubt so that you are determining your own path rather than the path being determined for you.

The relationship with your art may be a love and hate one. It may require challenging yourself in ways that feel very uncomfortable. Perhaps if 'you have never worked a day in your life', then you weren't doing something you loved?

Flow that Rocks (with Rich)

Trev 

A couple of years ago I made a big shift in life style. I decided that the things that mattered most to me were spending time with people I cared about, learning to care about more people, and learning more about the world we live in. All these things were incredibly cheap. Having been involved in Finance, I had spent a lot of time thinking about saving and investing to have enough. There is the other side of the equation too. The less you need, the less you need. I have several friends who realised this earlier than me. One of those was my digs mate when I lived in Cape Town. His name is Richard Halsey, but like a character from Friends, to me he will always be Smelly Pom. 

Rich up a Rock

Rich 

While I don’t know all the details of Trevor’s new life journey, I am so glad to hear it. I remember when we shared a house, he put in huge graft for his actuarial studies but seemed far more comfortable throwing paint at a canvas. This is a manifestation of a trap that our economic system sets up: being a wage slave while you are young and fit so that you can have freedom when you are old and tired. I have never quite bought this story, and have felt the most free while living in a tent on a beach, eating food discarded by supermarkets. 

Life in Colour

Trev

You were always more flexible on the expiry dates than me! I can remember you rescuing food as it was heading in the general direction of the trash. I also always thought I had an expiry date on my studies. I figured it was better to make Art a hobby and Maths a career, than the other way around. I broke my back studying. Unfortunately I think I also didn't put as much time as I would have liked into people. It was a priorities thing. I think if we stepped back more often, and were in less of a rush, we would see that fighting fires turns us into fire fighters. 

Rich

There are certainly times when we need to knuckle down and focus. These are phases in life, and they facilitate progress. Many of my friends now have young children that require sacrificing personal time, but investing in family is worth it. I feel the problem is when the focus becomes monetary wealth at the loss of relationships and fulfilling activities. Is obsessing about Rands and cents worth missing out on hugs and laughter? I am not advocating being penniless, but ensuring that you do make generous space for the things that really do matter to you. If that means getting a smaller pay check, I doubt you will regret it in the long run. 

Trev

I used to think of it as 'eating my vegetables'. When I was little, we only got pudding if we finished all our vegetables - peas, carrots, gem squash, spinach etc. I have always been wired to do the hard stuff first. Delayed gratification and all that jazz. The balance comes in how much you 'put off life till later'. I was speaking to a Medical Student today and she was talking about putting her life on hold for 13 years. I could identify. The thing is, both my brothers are Doctors, the studying doesn't stop. Ever. Doing the hard stuff can become a habit. I was recently introduced to the idea of being a 'half hearted fanatic'. There need to be gaps. The journey is more important than the destination. 

Rich 

This reminds me of a shirt I have from a street artist which reads: “Life is a journey, not a destination”. I wear it a lot as I believe the message is important. This also links to the concept of working hard and playing hard. That way you can make achievements in work and pursue you passions if they are not the same thing. However, after years of this I found it resulted in burnout. So while I fully support balance, my Libra is currently leaning more toward the pudding than the vegetables. It would be a waste of ice cream if it never got eaten because I snuffed it the day before retiring from a life of nine to five. 

Rich enjoying the journey

Trev 

It would definitely suck if everything was just preparation. School for work. work for retirement. Retirement for death. I get the need for balance between the moment and the future. The challenge comes in how we set our priorities. Emotionally, I think it takes enormous training to prioritise correctly. Not to be seduced by our success so that we pour all our energy into things that are important, but aren't all important. Somewhere between recognising our desires, and directing them lies a sweet spot. A fuzzy zone of flow. Of well being. 

Rich 

Exactly! This is where it is at. This flow space can be hard to find, but once you are in it, you will feel right. For a time at least. Life is not static. The balance you want, or need, will change through the years. Just be aware of it, and open to it. Having said this, I do feel that a pervasive capitalist culture makes it harder to find this balance. It can take courage to break from the norm, and before you do, make sure you have the means to do so. To get what you desire, you need a plan, which you revise as required. 

Trev

I like the idea of working for flow, rather than working for money. The truth is that I am very much a capitalist though. In the sense that I think capital should do the work since capital works better with ideas of supply and demand. Labour (i.e. people) works better with flow, creativity, empathy, sharing and giving. In my Utopia we would all be Social Capitalists. The Capital would pay out a Universal Basic Income which would be our muse. We could then spend our time on warm fuzzy stuff. Or with each other. Or working hard on something we are passionate about. I actually think this might be more than a pipe dream. An Artificial Intelligence worth its salt would see the potential lying untapped in most people. 

Rich 

Well, until we reach one Utopia or another, the best we can do now, is make the most of it. Whichever way you choose to play the game, do so in a way that resonates with who you aspire to be. We will all check out some day, and you can’t take material goods across the river Styx. Laughter and love are free, cars and houses generally aren’t. You see, money is only a tool: it can both improve and destroy lives. So use it wisely. Time is finite, so use that wisely too. You can always earn more dollars, but you can never buy back wasted hours.

See Richard Halsey's (aka Squeaky) blog at richclimbing.blogspot.com

What really matters

I have posted on 'Creativity' by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi before, and I highly recommend it as worth a read. He also wrote 'Flow' which is next on my list.

After telling the tale of a number of very creative individuals, he finishes with some practical advice. I really like the idea of practical steps towards Happiness. Although everyone has their own definition of what it means to be happy, I find Mihaly's argument (excuse the first name basis but his surname is really long) that happiness is more of an after the event reflection on a life fulled with engagement, creativity and play - what he calls flow. What I most like about it is that it is a very tangible concept. One that is within the reach of every individual and not as ellusive as some other definitions of happiness. 'Happiness is the consequence of personal effort.'

Here are some of the key points from his concluding remarks, though I would advise reading the book to get at the meat (sorry for my veggie friends... to get at the core):

Curiosity and Interest

1. Try to be surprised by something every day
2. Try to surprise at least one person every day
3. Write down each day what surprised you and how you surprised others.
4. When something strikes a spark of interest, follow it.

Cultivating Flow in Everyday Life

1. Wake up in the morning with a specific goal to look forward to
2. If you do anything well, it becomes enjoyable
3. To keep enjoying something, you need to increase its complexity

Habits of Strength

1. Take charge of your schedule
2. Make time for reflection and relaxation
3. Shape your space
4. Find out what you like and what you hate about life
5. Start doing more of what you love, less of what you hate

Internal Traits

1. Develop what you lack
2. Shift often from openess to closure
3. Aim for complexity

Problem Finding

1. Find a way to express what moves you
2. Look at problems from as many viewpoints as possible
3. Figure out the implications of the problem
4. Implement the solution.

Divergent Thinking

1. Produce as many ideas as possible
2. Have as many different ideas as possible
3. Try to produce unlikely ideas

As is normally the case, some of what he says resonates, and some doesn't. But it is rather empowering knowing that though the world is a random random place, we have a lot of control over large chunks of what really matters.

The 5 + 2 Points

We like to think we are in control. Much of where we end up depends on the path we take. I moved to Putney because my brother lived here. Although he moved a few months later (I am assured it wasn't me), I still haven't - partly because I live a stones throw away from the Sivananda Yoga Centre. My preferred means of keeping fit when I arrived was swimming, but London is a little chillier than South Africa and so I was looking for something indoors and the Yoga Centre happened to be there. Fast forward five more years and Yoga is now very much a part of my life. I teach regularly and try practice daily. Part of why I enjoy the Yoga I do is the philosophical side of it. The founder simplifies how to approach life into a very practical five points:

1) Proper Exercise
2) Proper Breathing
3) Proper Relaxation
4) Proper Diet
5) Positive Thinking and Meditation

When not feeling right, it is a very useful checklist to pin-point where you are struggling. The two points I would add to the list are

6) Proper Flow
This is a concept articulated by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi as 'a state of concentration or complete absorption with the activity at hand and the situation. It is a state in which people are so involved in an activity that nothing else seems to matter' For everyone, this is different. Discovering what gives you Flow and putting in the effort required to experience that state is I believe both an engine for personal satisfaction, and for the world moving forward. Like every part of the body has a function, the fact that what provides each of us with Flow is different, allows us to create magic together.

and
7) Proper Relationships
'No man is an island', and one of the issues I grapple with about definitions of happiness that suggest it being purely a choice is that that can imply inaction. While you may tick the first six boxes in a cave with a source of fresh water, a few fruit trees and a self-sustaining vegetable patch, something of what makes us human is our interaction with others. While you can choose to be happy and abstain from life, something in that choice seems wrong to me. I don't believe life has meaning, I think we give it meaning. We give it meaning primarily through our interaction with others.

So yes, I think happiness is a choice - but there is more.

http://www.sivananda.co.uk/

Rushing

Rushing is like picking your nose. A bad habit. It is almost never worth the cost of rushing. Being able to make quick decisions is different. Decisive behaviour can appreciate that the world is complex, ambiguous, and uncertain... and still act. The difference is recognising when it is a true area of competence. If you have truly done the hard work to train your intuition. We are at our best when we are in flow. When our skills are being pushed to the limit, and there is no space for us to doubt ourselves. This is not the same as being in a rush. Flow appears effortless. The hours of training are hidden. The effort was invested. The time was invested. The flow is the return. Coal turns into Diamonds with extreme pressure and thousands of years. As any little kid's nose knows, there is no point in rushing for Diamonds.

The Cullinan Diamond

Better than the Book

The book was better. The book was probably better. The book gets more time to build the characters and can add more information. It isn't on the clock. If you have read Game of Thrones or The Lord of the Rings, and then watched the TV Series or Movie, you will see how plots have to change slightly. Characters get joined. The 'facts' largely stay the same, but to make the story flow, things have to change. Conn Iggulden does the same thing with his historic novels about Genghis Khan, Julius Caesar and the War of the Roses. In the appendix, he explains the changes he has made to make the story flow. The combinations. The alterations. The ordering of events.

Life is better than the book. There is more space to add details. There is less need for consistency in order for the story to flow. We tend to add the story afterwards as we explain our lives. As we talk to our friends. As we justify what we have done. As we plan what we are going to do. 

While looking for the way things are connected, I am also trying hard to let go of plot. To let go of pattern. To let go of connections that don't matter. To revel in glorious inconsistency. There is a lot of noise. A lot of things happen for no reason. There isn't always a string of causes. There isn't always an intent. Sometimes things just are.

We are natural story tellers. Life is far more interesting than that. It can let go of narratives. It can do things out of character.

Life provides the tools. We create our own stories.

Nature without Narrative

Monopoly on Poverty

Money is the story we tell ourselves to try release potential. The ideological conflict of the last century between Capitalism and Communism was as much about the flow of information as it was about inherent moral goals. Capitalism filters decisions out. Communism centralised decisions. When the world is changing rapidly, money allows decisions about allocating resources to change rapidly as supply and demand changes.

Supply and Demand fails to carry information rapidly, i.e. the market fails, when barriers prevent the free flow of information. At one end, it is why Competition Commissions break up Monopolies. These laws are called 'Anti-Trust' because the price no longer accurately reflects the overall cumulative decisions of everybody. Monopolies have barriers that have gone beyond rewarding them for creativity, and instead allow them to extract wealth. Barriers that don't support a win-win cooperative economy.

The same concept should apply at the other end. When certain groups of people have a monopoly on poverty. Poverty prevents full participation in the economy. It has barriers that prevent people from leaving. It prevents competition from those who don't have the resources to survive. It prevents competition from those who don't have a buffer to experiment. 

Two of the factors that make the US economy as innovative as it is, are its lenient attitude toward Bankruptcy and the wealth it has already created. If you know failure won't destroy you, and you know you can have periods without income because you are building something with a long term perspective, it is far easier to be creative. First rule, survive. Then you can create.

An Unconditional Basic Income is the missing horn of Anti-Trust law. No individual can have sufficient knowledge to understand what we all do together. We all do better when we are all decision makers. When we are all empowered.

Money is blood that connects us. A language we all share even with people with very different aims and belief. If we stop its flow to all the parts of the body, they fall off, and we all suffer. 

Missing Horn

Living Apart

Between the Umlazi and Umgeni rivers winds the road that leads from Durban to Pietermaritzburg. KwaZulu-Natal was Natal and KwaZulu when I was growing up at the tail end of Apartheid. A Bantustan was a homeland set aside for Black inhabitants in South Africa and South West Africa (now Namibia). KwaZulu was for the Blacks and Natal for the Whites. The road to Pietermaritzburg wound Natal through KwaZulu. My world was Westville, Pinetown, Kloof, Hillcrest. Outside my world was KwaDabeka, KwaNdengezi, Umlazi, Phoenix, Chatsworth. Townships allowing some entry to Natal. Outside that was KwaZulu.

KwaZulu, Apartheid South Africa

KwaZulu-Natal, South Africa

Until my teenage years I only had white classmates and teachers. While I was little, there was a lady who stayed on the property with us and looked after us when my parents were working. We had a full time Gardener. There were petrol attendants who serviced our cars. There were cleaning staff at the school. Grounds maintenance. Our worlds were not separate, but there was an artificial parallel separation that kept us apart. Borders that only allow for the free flow of temporary workers, goods and services have a name. Borders without the free flow of people is called Apartheid.

I first visited Umlazi when I was 17. About 400,000 people live there, but it was on the other side of a hill from my world. I had probably met hundreds of people in my life who were from Umlazi, but I had not gone there. The flow was one way. I had no experience of the difficulties because I had grown up in a Police State. Separation was strictly enforced. My world could carry on unaware. I could compare my situation to that of my friends, and those I aspired to be like. I could 'feel poor' because my parents couldn't buy me all the treats I wanted. I could 'feel poor' because we didn't go on fancy holidays. I didn't experience the violence of families being torn apart because some people would be allowed to stay in the townships to provide labour, but others would be sent back to the Bantustans. I never went hungry. My education aimed at empowering me to dream, not disempowering me to serve.

1994 Election

Apartheid didn't end when I was 14. It didn't end when I started being able to paint the Rainbow Flag on my face and start singing 'Nkosi Sikelel'iAfrika'. Apartheid wasn't about the vote, it was about the restrictions placed on people to keep them apart. I am not sure Apartheid will end in my lifetime. As long as we are able to live lives in parallel to people because we only compare ourselves to those around us, we will be living in Apartheid. Until the 7.4 billion lives on this earth affect our worlds, we will be living in Apartheid.

We are Global Citizens. We can chip away at the barriers that stop us from seeing each other.

Where Are You

Every journey starts from where you are. No one else is where you are. One of the first steps in a financial plan is knowing where that is. It is useful to have a flashing dot on a map, to guide you. Financial Statements are that flashing dot. The key ones are a Balance Sheet, Income Statement, and Cash Flow Statement. They don’t have to be as intimidating as they sound. A Balance Sheet is a photo. A picture of your support structure and foundation. Your ability to endure. A list of everything you own, and everything you owe. An Income Statement is a TV series, where each year is a season (some better than others). It is a list of everything coming in, and everything going out. A Cash Flow Statement focusses on resilience. Money in and out in the short term. Giving a sense of your ability to survive the knocks. It looks at cash from operations (doing the thing you do), investing (building your buffer and engine), and financing (borrowing and outside help). Endurance (Balance Sheet) to play the long game. Resilience (Cash Flow) to survive the short game. Creativity (Income Statement) to add meaning and value.

Unconscious Competence (Kirsty)

Hello from Bali you beautiful people, where I'm currently listening to jazz music, eating a raw vegan doughnut and contemplating life and love. I posted this in a private group that I co-run today but thought I'd pop it up here too.

I was once engaged to a professional jazz saxophonist. We were too young and not awake enough to make it work, but being a jazz musician's partner brought some interesting observational learning. The major one that I was just contemplating was that it was wonderful watching the mixture of both an incredible discipline of practice (at least 4 hours a day) and then most beautiful flow that occurred when he was on stage doing no conscious thinking at all - which of course he was able to do because of the practice.

We can all benefit from more of that combination - in relationships, in work, in life. But how often do you translate the discipline of what you've already made happen into what you would like to have happen?

It's a magic combination.

The practice - not assuming you will just know how to do it all innately - why would you? - but getting your body and mind to a place of released blocks, opening, emotional stretch, breath, capacity for intimacy, understanding the other, etc - but working at it in everything you do. Getting into a place of unconscious competence because you've put in the hours.

And then entering into The flow - learning to let go, receive, connect, feel sensation, open more fully, breath with another, be vulnerable, hold and be held, get out of the way and let the instrument play itself, all without having to be present in your head because for that moment the 'work' is done and you can just 'be' with yourself, with others, with life.

No musician can make a beautiful sound on stage without putting in the hours and then learning how to let it flow. How would your relationship, sex, intimacies be different if you did the work? A while back I gave the whole year a theme of 'exploring connection'. That was a pretty exciting year for sure. What would yours be and what would you do to find the stretch for yourself?

If you're interested in exploring this around intimacies, relationships, sex, and love come and join us over at https://www.facebook.com/groups/MeYouUsRelationshipCommunity/

We also have an exclusive 6-month programme starting in the autumn to dive into these topics in an intimate, supported transformational group. You can find out more from the link below. If it calls to you just PM me and I can tell you the next steps. 

http://inspiringlivescoaching.com/meyouus/

Be in the exploration.

Inspired love to you.

Gaps and Elevators

There is an art to discussing tough issues. Actually, the same art applies to silly issues too but we don't get all that upset about them. When I was growing up, my family and I used to have strong debates. As the little guy in the pack, I had to learn to voice my opinions strongly or they would get lost in the noise. Strongly voicing opinions can be helpful and definitely conveys passion but it isn't always that effective at getting the message across. It is particularly ineffective when your opinion is wrong. As Kathryn Schulz describes in 'Being Wrong', you aren't aware of a feeling of being wrong, since the moment you realise there is a problem, you start finding the holes, so you never really know you are wrong. I think there are techniques to use in communication that can mitigate our natural, very human, way of creating stories to explain things where our confidence arrives well before the story has been rigorously attacked. One way is to try ensure you are balancing any discussions with an honest attempt to understand the other person's argument. Not simply a leading question that carries in it the answer you are looking for, or a trap that means the question is more a statement or jibe. A really solid, probing question that comes from a desire to understand. Warren Berger has written a great book on how to ask 'A More Beautiful Question'. It is worth reading over and over.

We also need to make space in our communication. More generally we need to make space in everything (our days, our meals, our minds etc.) but I have definitely been a culprit of verbal diarrhea on more than my fair share of occasions. A former colleague of mine loves recounting the tale of a 'discussion' I was having over the phone. He sat on the opposite side of a divide to me and I was on the phone. I was deep in the throes of an intense one-man (me) explanation of my thoughts. Arthur received a call and tried to let me know that Jonathan was on the phone for me. I kept waving him away asking him to take a message without listening to what he was saying. It is fair to say that sometimes flow exists for me when I am talking passionately about something. Everything else ceases to exist. This can be a big problem when the person you are talking to has been disconnected some 3 or 4 minutes ago. Jonathan had called back receiving a busy signal and so tried someone else and I had not heard Arthur saying, 'It is Jonathan for you.' As Schultz said, the moment I said 'Jonathan, are you there' to complete silence... there was no chance to feel what it is like to be wrong.

I still fail at this often when I get carried away, but I consciously try and shorten the time I spend explaining an idea, and increasing the gaps I give, either for silence for both to think, or for me to listen or question. Winston Churchill is credited with saying 'If I had more time I would have written a shorter letter'. The same probably applies to thoughts. The shorter you can keep your point, the more likely it is you have thought it through and come to a point of clarity. There is the idea of an 'elevator speech'. If you had to make your point in an elevator, what would you say? You usually wouldn't have more than 100 words to do it. Each letter counts. So does each pause. As they say, music exists in the gaps.

Another place where I have had to adjust is when you have a partner who is largely discussing the same side as you. In the bigger scheme of things, you are trying to help another person understand something the two of you get. Having two people reduces the monotony of listening to one voice, but it also means we have to learn to hold our tongue and go with the flow. The other person will not say something exactly the same way you would have. You may even have subtle disagreements. It is however important to remember that you aren't going to fully educate your audience, change their mind, or merely influence them significantly in one session. Understanding comes slowly and little details will not be remembered. The best example of how to solve this comes from 'Whose Line is it Anyway'. In Theatre Sport you have to go with the flow for it to work. You have to work with the partners and not constantly be trying to change direction or add additional colour to idea that has already had its elevator ride. You build off each other and feed off each other. The lesson is there for communication. It is a dance of ideas. The minute it ceases to be that and becomes a lecture is the minute I switch off. I may listen and watch as an anthropological experiment, but you will have lost me as an engaged participant.