S.O.C.2

Just because I can. Why do I need to carry on providing a justification for what I feel. Perhaps it is fine to just carry on going deeper, just being a part of what is going on, not trying to control, just to accept. But it is nicer to think that you can control the direction of the flow. I would love to control the direction of the flow. Well, maybe not. It is sometimes nice to just lye back and relax and see what happens. But I tend to fight the current. Funny though, sometimes you only realise you are happy in retrospect. Or you look forward and say, once I have done this or once I have done that then I will be happy. Happy. Happy. Happy. Say it often enough and you will be. Really? I have friends who talk crap all the time. Philosophise about this. And that. Analyse, break down. Sometimes I stir, but I normally come short. One of these friends believe in almost enjoying pain. To take it and experience it to the full. To revel in it, almost to the extent that you enjoy it. That you are happy in your pain. Not really the way he puts it, but the idea of just bearing yourself in whatever experiences life throws at you. In some ways I believe him. If you really experience trauma, disappointment, pain, failure, then and only then can you really appreciate the times when everything just seems to fall in place.